<small>[ January 25, 2003, 08:12 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

Oops - I PROMISE I didn't know that!

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 08:12 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

Ok, normally I wouldn't reply but this is way to laughable!! Yes, I am a member here, under another name, and have been since this entire thing started Oct. 2001. The other name will remain unmentioned for obviouse reasons. I knew who this person was the day they first posted. She just realized the connection with the names? I don't think so. I was not just her FOM's wife, she was a neighbor and supposed friend. Still playing the "oops, honestly I didn't realize game"? Why not it has always worked well for her. Sorry, doesn't affect me anymore. As far as hindering my recovery, nope, not a problem there either. She may continue to post under whatever name she likes. I just consider it good entertainment! Isn't it a compliment when someone wants your life so badly? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sorry, but I'm keeping it for now.
Happily WAY INTO recovery.

Calypso

I am confused...you the OW are trying to soften your heart to your former OM and his betrayed wife for the wrongs done you? Could you elaborate...maybe a discussion about this view could help you move on. Really I could not imagine something more malicious or harmful than playing a part in the pain infidelity causes. Maybe you can clarify.

The Real Stormy,

I know exactly what you mean about someone wanting your life so badly. It is a sick sort of compliment. I too find it hard to believe that this storm/stormy reference just clicked. More likely this was a lure to get you or your husband to respond. If that is the case, Calypso, what game are you playing here?

ayslyne

<small>[ January 20, 2003, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: madly_truly_deeply ]</small>

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

Never did I suggest this forum wasnt open to all. I have many friends on this board, learn from many people, some of my closest friends here are WS or OP.

What I do find peculiar is the fact that the stormy reference just clicked. Maybe that is true but if even slightly it is not it is to calypso's best intersest to explore why she chose this name...storm and stormy is not a stretch.

I have always been open about how I feel. I do not berate or chastise. Rather I am just pointing out the obivous connection between latent attention seeking and the underlying pain calypso is still feeling because of this whole event.

It is also almost comical that questioning the motives of a WS/OP is considered some sort of witch hunt or condemnation. It is not. Aren't you here to understand how the other side feels? As a BS I know I want to understand what is going through the mind of someone who would involve themselves in this sort of encounter. I want to understand why they would do the things they do? I am sure the Real Stormy does not believe that this name choice was not intentional but if this truly is Calypso's point of view I would like to understand. I would think that a former OW/OM would also like to understand that their actions, however small or inconsiquential, may still have an impact on the people around them.

It is admirable that calypso expressed concern for the woman she harmed by changing her name, however, it is not completely outside the realm of reason that she chose this name in the beginning for other reasons. Reasons she may now regret. The point is if she knows now the woman might have recognized that name she knew it when she originally chose it. Understanding why it was not as relevant then as it is now could help calypso move forward in your healing process.

Also, I would think exploring why calypso harbor's anger towards these people would help in her healing process. It may help as well to understand from other BS how easily and without remorse we can strike back. Maybe it would give many people insight to the otherside.

Could this name change be construed as a game: easily. Could it be a learning experience for many: yes ofcourse. I guess the willingness to understand each other fully is the only way to gague the relevance of the discussion.

ayslyne

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 08:15 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

As you know I am relatively new here, but I gotta say..

I had a talk with my eldest brother the other night, you know the old what goes around comes around thing. I honestly believe if you hand out bad karma , its gunna come straight back to you, the universe has no choice but to send it back from where it came.When it does come back , you know I'd be pretty well greatfull if I was a WS that it was the BS giving it back , and not a mack truck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Whoever the real Storm is, I am delighted by your post that you are making a strong recovery. You have my best wishes.

The original post was an announcement....

--an announcement of a name change

--an announcement of the reason for the name change

--an announcement that clearly identified herself to FOM and FOM's BS

In subsequent posts there were other announcements...

--an announcement that FOM is/was a member here

--an announcement that FOW was "invited" here by FOM

--an announcement that FOM's BS has "done FOW wrong"

IMO, I think that this is a good example showing that recovery is a process. Whether we are WS, BS, or OP, we can't change everything we want to or need to overnight--we can't even SEE everything all at once either as that is an ongoing process of its own. We each get to decide for ourselves how far we want to go in the recovery process, and how we want to get there.

IMO, none of us posts "the whole story" but I think most of us are honest in our posts about what we can see from our individual perspectives at any given time. I "see" a lot more now than I used to be able to when I first came to this site, but not nearly as much as I hope to be able to "see" a year from now.

Thanks for reading my thoughts and opinions.

Take care everyone

OK. Fine. Here is where I stand and maybe this is pure ironic coincidence. Maybe you are completely unaware. But here me out.

Your original name has significance for your former OM and his wife. OK. So you want to change it after realizing it.OK.

Then you change your name to Calypso. OK. It is a possiblity that you are not aware of who Calypso is in Mythology and what she did. If that is true OK.

Just so that you are aware in epic the Odyessy by Homer, Calypso was a sea nymph who greeted Odysseus on his travels attempting to return back home. Upon arriving on the island Odyssesus told Calypso his undying wish was to return home to his fidelitous wife and their child. She promised to help him. Instead she cast a spell on him to prevent him from even remembering his wife's name and she kept him prisoner for years until commanded by the gods to release him.
So you can see calypso was the ultimate OW. It just seemed a stunning coincidence to move from storm to calypso. But stranger things have happened.

best wishes in your recovery

ayslyne

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 08:15 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

I just thought it important to acknowledge the fact that the word calypso may have a scathing significance to other members. Ofcourse it is true that the word also also refers to a type of music (derived from the sea nymph calypso who used music to lure in Odysseus). I am glad you clarified your reasoning in choosing the name. I hope you can empathize with my point that this name-having more than one meaning and all of those meanings being derived from the same source-may appear to be more than just a music lover's clever psuedonym.

Thanks for the clarification on your thought process. I hope my explanation gives you insight to a different point of view.

again best wishes

ayslyne

<small>[ January 21, 2003, 05:57 PM: Message edited by: ayslyne ]</small>

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 08:17 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

I am glad you are working out your feelings. And ofcourse two wrongs do not make a right. In asking what transpired that made you harbor the anger in the first place I was not attempting to bring you pain and then tell you that you deserved it. Far from it. However, I know that some of the things that I may have done or said in regards to any of my husbands OW may have been construed as painful or mean spirited to them. These events which they may have described as painful are not things that I have any remorse over...nor will I ever for the simple reason that they forced my hand. Now my actions may be on a different plane as what happened to you. I do not advocate anyone's malicious conduct. I never engaged in such conduct. I have never called names...no cat fights...Although I have been called unimaginable names by these women for no apparent reason. I have always believed that showing class and remaining calm did me justice.

Now I do admit to my husband I have called them less desirable names out of anger and pain. I put no people in categories...I do not harbor hatred towards the OW of the world.
I only suggested discussing the behavior as an attempt to help you work through your anger and maybe get a handle on the state of mind of these people. Since you are doing that in counseling I am sure you will soon face those issues and it will be to your benefit.

I am in no way justifying vicious behavior but sometimes understanding the emotion helps to better deal with the actions. This was my only intent.

I am glad you understand what I am saying about the name. I just wanted you to understand that even though many people may not be aware it is more likely that people who have experienced infidelity are hyper-sensitive to things that may seem inocuos to people who have not.

I wish you sincere best wishes in working out your issues. They are valid and I am glad you are at a point of giving them positive attention.

ayslyne
(For example, I was stalked and threatened by one of my husband's nameless encounters. When I took legal action, she threated suicide and said I was trying to ruin her life, exposing her behavior like that. I was protecting myself.)

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>