She finally found out.....she is here on vacation for 3 months, from another state....we were fighting again....I accused husband of keeping phone contact with OW....which he admitted this morning (but lied about it last night ??????) I also demanded that he stop cutting OW's sister and mom's hair, (he is a Hairstylist) they both come in into our shop....he says I cannot tell him how to run his shop.....so I know this sh-- with OW and family will never end....it all blew out of proportion and he pulled my hair, became furious with me.....my son called his grandmother in to help....I told her what her son has been up to....for the last two years....she said I was right to be angry....but he is her only son......she told him to stop all contacts with OW, including phone calls....of course he saying its over and that I am exaggerating and he is tired of my hassling him about it all the time.....my MIL told me I should stop <BR>accusing him because he says its over.....and I should give him a little trust.....she was supportive of my case.....she said I should have informed of this when it happened so she could pound some sense into him.....H came to talk to me this morning before work.....wants a solemn promise from me that I not mention her name or this situation to him anymore.....otherwise I should leave the house.....his parents own the house so if I leave, I leave without my children and the house.....I could never offer my children all the comforts of home they have now.....I wanted to put an end to this misery again so I promised him I would not mention this again....meanwhile.....I will have to leave with this uncertainty for the rest of my life.....he lies.....as just mentioned, he kept on denying the phone contact, then this morning...he admitted to making not one but a few phone calls to her "about the business" she left behind.....but how do I know that ? They both must be going through withdrawal with no daily contact and with restrictions of his whereabouts on the weekend. My final thoughts to him was this:<BR>THERE IS LITTLE I CAN DO TO CONTROL EVERYTHING YOU DO......FEEL FREE TO DO WHAT YOU WANT WITHOUT ANY QUESTIONS OR DAILY GRILLING FROM ME....THIS IS SOMETHING THAT EITHER YOU WANT TO DO OR NOT TO DO......I CANNOT CONTROL THE WILL OF OTHER PEOPLE, YOURS OR HERS..............I am planning to go through with this plan......I cannot live like this anymore.......his mother is very upset and was crying last night. I am done lovebusting.....done....done....but now I have to deal with MIL's unhappiness....in the same house for the next 3 months......what do I do......this 73 y.o. woman stated to me that she is fully aware that the majority of men have a "girlfriend" she does not condone this type of behavior......but I must stop.....please I need support so that I can stop accusing him......I get these dark thoughts that I can't control.....would medication help me......make me stop obsessing and love busting.........

sad,<P>Yes, you might benefit from some meds. Lots of people here have reported how taking the anit-depressants have helped with the obsessions.<P>You have every right to be suspicious, hurt and angry. No one should try to take that away from you. BUT, you are also right in that it is getting you no where. Try your very best to step back out of the situation and give yourself a mental health break. You need a rest from your own emotions at this time.<P>You are correct: nothing you can do will stop your H if he wants to continue on with the behaviors that are hurting you. We have all tried the begging, pleading, guilt, reasoning and logic. They just DON'T work. The spouse has to WANT to stop or want to change of their own volition.<P>This is SOOOOO HARD and FRUSTRATING for us, the betrayed. Only thing you can do is step back and let this thing go whereever it is going to go. Work on YOU and your own happiness and mental health. <P>If things do progress between you and your H, you will be in a better frame of mind for rebuilding your relationship. If things go downhill between you, you will have some inner reserve to call upon and rebuild a new life for yourself.<P>Try to let go of the situation for awhile. You have been in the pain cycle way too long. <P>Please consider the anti-depressants. You need a break!!<P>Roll Me Away<BR>

Sad-you need to be aware that certain laws in certain states were made to protect you and the children, I don't care if his parents own the home, you are living there and have rights as tenant. I would check into it so he couldn't use that as a threat anymore.<BR>You must start believing in yourself again as well. It sounds as though you don't think you could take care of yourself without him and I doubt that. The major issue of low self esteem is the inability to stand up for your own rights.<BR>Love busting is wrong, it doesn't do anything for the marriage. I would do some more reading on Dr. Harley's books and also look into some counselling. I would check with the local womens shelter to see if they offer some, since it sounds as though he is getting abusive.<BR>Anti-depressants are a good choice. They give you the ability to think more clearly and I have found them to be effective. I was on them for awhile, they helped. BREATH!!! Even your typing looks like your not breathing deeply enough. If you don't breath you can't think effectively. And do not use the MIL as an intermediatory- this relationship is yours and your H's and those are the only two people who should be involved in the difficulties between the two of you. I would suggest again, strongly, a counsellor, you need to have that to help you straighten out your own thoughts.<BR>God Bless You!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Thanks for the advice. I KNOW I have to let this thing go....over or not....otherwise I am just going to drive him FURTHER into her arms...that's probably what she is waiting for...the slut. THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING, I CAN DO....NOTHING....NOTHING.....NOTHING....I WANT TO STOP OBSESSING...I WANT TO STOP DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY.....I have to tell myself that what he does no longer matters.<P>Definately,<BR>sadforever<BR>

sad,<P>Know that we are all experiencing alot of what you are feeling. You are not alone. We all want our S and our intact family back.<P>You need the ani-depressants. Please see about that as soon as possible. You sound so down, depressed and key-ed up, too. This will not help anything. <P>Also, remeber that NONE of us can just turn off the feeolings we have for our S. it is what makes us feel vicitmized - we love this person and they are hurting and rejecting us. Yes, this is true. But, we each have a choice about how we can react to this, although none of us can control our S's actions. You are letting this rule your life. Please work on the steps to make yourself feel more in control of your own destiny and not to feel victimized so much. This is a HARD thing to do, but it is necessary for you to be able to cope with this most HURTFUL situation.<P>Please take some steps for yourself!<P>Wishing you the best....<P>Roll Me Away