Long story short? I'll try. My H and I have been M for 3yrs and together for 4 1/2. 4mts after our 1st anniverary we seperated. I was devastated but moved back to my home state. He found someone else a month later. Like a dummie I found out about this from his mom and I was heart broken all over again. Anyway, I moved in(trouble already right?) with my best friend,her H,and there 3yr old girl. (My friend is not very good at communicating and her and H fight ALL the time. She tells him all the time that she is going to Dv him in 2yrs when she gets out of college) ANYWAY, her H and I had an PA. Something neither one of us is proud of. My H and I get back together again and stop seeing friend and her H. Then my H and i seperate again. and of course back again. the problem(yes i'm finally to it)is that my H is on the road alot and friends H and i are in another PA. I know we are both finding emotional support (and physical support)in each other and we are going nowhere. I love my husband,and I love my best friend. We have known each other for sooo long and I don't want to lose her or my H. But to tell either one about our PA/EA it would end both. (my H knows that OM and I had a PA when we were seperated, but doesn't know now)Friends H doesn't understand what losing my best friend and H would do to me....plus the now 4yr old child that is like a niece to me! GOD I HATE BEING STUPID AND WEAK. any help for me?

If you truly love your husband you do not keep screwing another man behind his back.
If you truly care for your friend you do not screw her husband who let you stay with her in your time of need.
What you need to do is be honest with your husband and rebuild your marriage on a system of trust and honesty. You are being incredibly selfish and hurtful toward the people who care for you the most. By being honest with your husband and friend it will end the relationship forever so you can build and recover into a solid marriage.
You forgave your husband and your husband forgave you except you have again decided to cheat on your husband behind his back. Ask yourself if it would be acceptable to you if your husband decided to start screwing another woman again behind your back? What do you think he will do when he eventually finds out on his own? If you love your husband like you say you will stop this or do him a favor and divorce him so can find someone else who will not be screwing another man behind his back.
Your female friend helped you so much and this is the way you pay her back by having sex with her husband? You need counseling right away and need to stop this affair and be honest with everyone. Ask yourself if this is how you wish to treat the people that care for you and are these the morals you would wish to have your children follow? I hate to be harsh but you need to wake up to the fact that you are hurting a lot of people by cheating and betraying what is left of your marriage and the love you supposedly have for your husband. I wish you luck.

Read your own post - I I I, Me Me Me. 'nuff said.

WOW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> With friends like that, who needs enemies?? You need some SERIOUS counseling to find out why you are so cruel to other people. You are a danger to those around you.

You say that *YOU* need your friend and her H. For what? So you continue to destroy them? So you can continue to destroy that little 4 year old girl's family by rutting like a pig with her daddy?

Ask yourself this: would your husband want you if he knew who you REALLY WERE? Would your girlfriend want you if she knew who you REALLY WERE? Doubtful. You can only HOLD them with A LIE.

Hi MoreThanConfused,

My suggestion would be to start reading everything in the info pages of this site. If you can, order the books--I would start with 2 copies of Surviving and Affair and would give one copy to your H.

oops!

<small>[ January 24, 2003, 08:26 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

MTC-

Good grief is this ever a mess.

I am a recovering cheater so i'll offer you the benefit of my wisdom.

#1- find a good therapist
#2- talk to emerald on gloryb.com That's the other woman website. There's a lot of crap over there, but Em will be able to offer you sound sound advice of getting out of an EMA. Look up "ask emerald" and read some of her old columns
#3- I am of the opinion that you're not going to be able to back away from this mess all at once. But pick one thing. ANYTHING and work hard to "do the right thing." That one little thing will build your self esteem and give you the strength to take the next right action.

You've risked big with your A's. You may loose big. But there is recovery, forgiveness and reconsiliation. Once you understand how/why you got into this quagmire you'll be able to begin to forgive youself.

Best of Luck to you.