.

Hi Nick! Thanks for asking about me! I have not been posting about my situation because WH visited this board, read all of my posts, and became quite angry with me. In large part, he said that it was because I was sharing information about his recovery, but I think it was a lot more than that.

I am going to stick my neck out and take a chance that he may or may not read this....WH has been sober 122 days today. I am quite proud of him that he is doing so well. He claims that he has cut off the A with OW1 and I have found no concrete evidence differently. He may have just gotten smarter about hiding it all. He has provided me with his cell phone bills and I did notice that, out of 30 days, 26 days he had one or more incoming calls where the caller's number was not listed. I strongly suspect that is her calling and the number is not showing because she is in the UK not the US. No strong basis for that suspicion, though. Also, I find it hard to believe that WH cut off all contact so very easily without exhibiting any sort of sadness from the end of such an intense relationship. Finally, his cell phone is also his PDA and he has password upon password upon password on it and will now allow me any access - why not? His cell phone bill also indicates that last month, he sent or received 281 text messages. They could be "news" messages from his cell phone provider, but 281????

You may have noticed that in past posts I refered to WH has FWH and have reverted to WH. There is a reason for that. Aside from the suspicions I posted about in the previous paragraph, there have been other things that lead me to strongly believe there is an OW2. The most notable is that, this past weekend, WH went to an AA convention in a resort area (down hear Spacecase's part of town) about an hour from our house. Before he left, he made a VERY big point of showing me that he had put his wedding ring on - he hadn't worn it prior to that for, gosh, several months. On Sunday, I called his cell phone and he did not answer my call, so I called the hotel and asked for his room. They told me he had 2 rooms and asked which one I wanted. When they connected me to the first room, the hotel phone just rang and rang and rang. When I had them connect me to the second room, a woman answered. I asked for WH and she said that he is not staying in that room, he is in a different room. I asked why her room was in his name and she said it was because he had made the reservations for all of them. In the background, I could hear the TV playing very loudly. When I hung up, I called WH's cell phone and he answered. Told him about my call to the other room and he claimed that he had just awakened. Hmmm, why didn't he hear his hotel room phone ring when I called originally??????? Also interesting is that the same TV show, at the same volume level, was playing on the TV in WH's room. When he returned on Sunday, he was still wearing his wedding ring and has worn it everyday since then. BUT, on Wednesday, I saw some receipts in his glasses case and, yes, I know I should't have snooped, but I did. There was a receipt from the Friday that he was at the convention for a VERY nice restaurant with a bill that was the right amount for 2 people who did not have drinks - it would have been WAY too high an amount for 1 person. Also there, was a receipt for 2 admissions to 2 of the attractions at the resort area where the convention was being held. In and of itself, that receipt tells me that he did not attend any of the afternoon sessions at the convention because the 2 attractions sould have consumed all day to take in. I have not, nor do I intend to, confront WH about these receipts because I am sure he will excuse it away as him having paid for everything and, then, the other person having reimbursed him.

So, where does that leave me? As I have said before, having a sober father for my son is far more important than my having a faithful husband at this point in time. I am going to bide my time and see what happens as WH works the AA steps. Hopefully, as he works the more intense steps, he will become honest with himself and me and we can then make progress in one direction or the other. Right now, though, he and I are primarily roommatew. This makes me very very sad....

Brit's Brat/BS-41
WH-43
DS-15 months
Status: One Day At A Time.

Nick, I saw Sweden on the Divorce thread about a month or two ago but haven't seen him since.

SS

Hi BB,
thanks for sharing your update. I just wondered where you were hiding! A couple of thoughts… first of all, great news that your WH was able to stay sober for 122 days. I remember when you shared on this board all the destructive behaviours he was doing, so one worry less (having said that, once an alcoholic, it's extremely easy to slip back, so they say).
With regard to the (possibly ongoing) cheating of your H, it's of course still bad news. In these circumstances I have learnt to be paranoid and listen to my gut feel. Your's seems to indicate that he still thinks he can outsmart you, that you wont notice anyway, or even worse, that even if he knows that you know that he doesnt care. Similarly with OW2 - again, when the cat is out of the house... I may be completely wrong, but he seems to me like a spoilt small boy who has a strong sense of entitlement, maybe justifying his actions with "I have earned it!"?
I agree with your conclusion that a sober father at this point is more important than a faithful husband... But what is your plan now, going forward? The situation as you describe it is hardly sustainable?
Good luck!
N

thanks SS - will try it there.
N

Hi BB

Just wanted to stop by and let you know I was thinking of you.

Ditto everything Nick says about great to be sober, and hopeful more responsible behaviour, gut feeling about A, and sober is better to deal with but what for the future?

You have endured an enormous amount, and I wonder how much more you will be able to take.

We are thinking of you over in the UK you know. Hope to get to see you in May <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lisa

Good to hear from BB. My wife moved to Austin Dec 27th. Her excuse was all friends know, so she couldn't face them. Running must be easier... The OM dumped her when she told him I was with the living, and we have children... She took it hard... he replaced her pretty quick. Funny she calls everyday to talk... Some healing going on, but it's slow... Sad thing is I feel she'll get settled in and stop calling...

Mjt