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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 461
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 461 |
I have heard mention of the movie "Unfaithfull" several times on several different boards. Does the movie help to understand mindset? When should the WS see the movie? While still in the fog, or after they've began to come out?
As many times as I've heard it mentioned I just have to ask some questions. I would appreciate any feedback from both sides of the fence.
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,099
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Speaking only for myself, the movie most likely portrayed exactly what it would be like to have an affair. The excitement of the whole thing. The addiction to OP. The sneaking around, the lies.
I felt like the movie started out to be right on where the BS is concerned as well. Then they decided to have the BS kill the OM. I think that was an injustice to the movie as well as to all BS in general. I know they have to add some spice to the plot and this was a great way to do it. But it left out so much of what the couple would have had to deal with where recovery is concerned, were he still alive.
All in all a good movie. I wouldn't recommend it to someone who just found out though. It did bring back a lot of pain.
jd
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,261
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Hi TM-
I have voiced several opinions on this flick. I can't say how I would have reacted if I was in the FOG. I do know that I found it VERY HARD to sit and watch after everything that I've been through and put my loved ones through. After viewing it, I felt very ugly and dirty. I actually went hime and took a hot shower because I needed to feel clean again.
I agree that the BS's reaction was an extreme, and I also think that the sexual promiscuity by the WS was far beyond what really happens. I think the point in taking these to extremes was to demonstrate how completely out of control people get.
I personally think that they could have shown more about recovery, and the turmoil that people go through and sacrafices they make to stay together. I felt that the ending was a little too unrealistic.
Have a nice weekend.....
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 816
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My wife and I saw it at the theater whille her affair was turning from E to P. It did not affect her at all ... other than the internal freak out she had because the OM in the movie shared the same name as her OM.
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Joined: Sep 2001
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I have not seen it and would not see it. There was a thread a while back about the movie. Most who had seen it said that it was very painful to watch and certainly not a good form of entertainment for anyone whose life has been shattered by an A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I think that for most of us here, it's a bad reminder of an awful time in our lives...
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 71
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I loved the movie....as the BS, I thought Richard Gere was great....and Diane Lane did well too as the selfish b***ch whose lies just rolled off her tongue with no remorse. My FAVORITE part was when Richard Gere took the gift that he had given her (and she like the no-feeling b***tch WS that she was, fave it to the OM) and he smashed it over his head and BUSTED his head open wide...and the OM knew he was dying...... And never looked sad at what he had done....
Push a BS too far and see what you'll get
DDay #1 Nov 87
DDay #2 June 14 01
DDay #3 Oct 4 03...and ongoing...........
D
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Joined: Jan 2003
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I agree with ladysing. Watching a movie like that would feel like I was purposely wallowing in self-pity. I've got enough bad images in my mind already thanks.
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Joined: Mar 2002
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TM,
I went to see it when it was in the theatre. I went alone. This was the stage where I was gathering information, anywhere and everywhere I could. FWH was horrified at the thought of going.
I think it would have been too hard on him.
Truthfully, I thought it was well done. It was not done to extreme. I won't give away the details since you haven't seen it; but it was a little "Hollywood".
From my position of "getting educated", I'm glad I went. Also glad that FWH didn't go. I would have been worried about him.
Blessings, CSue
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Joined: Jan 2003
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a little OT but CSue I like your signature line...so true
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Joined: May 2001
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I really liked the part when she realized the snow globe she gave OM was suddenly back in her collection....Wow..what a wake-up call. If THAT doesn't bring her out of the FOG, nothing would have!
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Joined: Dec 2002
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My WS and I saw this movie together BEFORE D-DAY. I was suspicious that he was having an affair but I had not caught him yet.
It was very painful for me to watch. I could not sleep that night. It was like a HORROR MOVIE to actually SEE what your WS is doing.
It must not have affected him at all. He went right on seeing the OW. When you are in the fog, you are in the fog!!!!
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 461
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 461 |
Well I would like to thank everyone who has responded so far. I guess I was looking to see if it really helped being the BS to understand the WS, and if the WS saw the movie if it would help them as well.
From what I gather NOTHING will affect the WS while in the fog. And seeing the movie as a BS is just plain painful.
So, with that in mind I think I'll hold off for a while. I have enough triggers I'm dealing with right now, no sense in adding another one intentionally. But, I will see the movie at some point, maybe after she leaves. And, when she is off on her own, and I'm starting to see the fog disappear I think I'll have her watch it too. That is if the "Fog" ever does lift....
Again, thank you for your input.
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