I always kept hearing with time that I would learn to live or deal with my wife (WS) wanting to walk away from our marriage. She has been living on her own since the end of June. With this time of her being on her own and doing her own thing I have had a lot of time but I feel it hasn’t helped me as much as I thought it would. A lot of times I feel I am just kidding myself by trying to act around other people that what my wife (WS) has done and is doing doesn’t bother me. When the truth of the matter is it tears me up from the inside out.
Someone who is in a similar situation such as myself we talk off and on about our situations. She said something last night which she hit the nail right on the head. She told me that she thinks and senses that it will be a long, long time before I will ever even want to try and love someone else and that is if that ever happens at all. She said that she senses that since my wife and I were together for nine years and how special we were together that she can see the pain in me that she said she doesn’t think I will ever get over my wife. When I got off the phone I lay in bed and started to cry because this is exactly how I feel on the inside and it just amazes me that other people can see that from the outside.
I just can’t seem to get myself out of this hole I am stuck in, I am going nowhere. I can’t force myself to try and get over my wife. My heart still tells me one thing and that is I still care and love my wife. We only live once and it is sad that I may live the rest of my life never getting over my wife.
My wife has written me off because there is absolutely no contact between us now for a while. In the past six months we have only spoken via email or the phone maybe six times. I am tired of being treated like a ghost by her. I am tired of hearing my wife say but I don't feel the same about you any more.

Dear Confused Guy,

I hear your pain. I may be in your situation soon as my H is telling me he wants a D. I can just imagine myself sitting around 24/7 crying over him. I want my H back.

We need to get tough. My sister keeps telling me over and over "Why do you keep wanting someone WHO DOESN'T WANT YOU"?? You know, she's right.

You've tried everything and she still feels this way. You have to move on. I know it's tough. I am getting ready to be doing the same. I feel so alone.
You need to busy yourself. Take up something new. Exercise, go to the library, join a gym...whatever. All of these are things I've been thinking of. I also have two kids that will keep me busy.

You can love again and will be loved again. I truly believe that. Take it one day at a time and know there are others who are in the same situation and are thinking of you. I am.

CG-

As a now D'd BS spouse, I KNOW your pain brother. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in this vicious cycle of constantly thinking about what might have been and where it went wrong between you and the WS. There are times for me where it takes alot of effort to get out of bed and meet the day. As painful as it is, I've come to accept that it's a crucial step on the road to another fufilling relationship.

If you can get to the point where you realize that you are worthy of love, then the rest will fall in place. If you're a spiritual person, take time to reflect and reconnect with God. Also, consider the others advice and get yourself involved in activities that make you feel good about yourself. For me, spending time with family and friends that are positive about life in general has been a tremendous help. Also, I've found that vigorous exercise can be rewarding. All of these things have reinforced that I'm indeed worthy of being happy and loved. I know this sounds like a pep talk and believe me I still have days those days where despair creeps in, but you can do it! Good luck and god bless!

I do my best at trying to stay as busy as possible. I hit the gym five days a week. I bought a model airplane to assemble which should take me awhile. I clean, etc.. I do try hard to stay busy if not the quiet time just gets to me.

Livingwithope....
"We need to get tough. My sister keeps telling me over and over "Why do you keep wanting someone WHO DOESN'T WANT YOU"?? You know, she's right."

It is true why do we want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with us. But I have a problem with that saying because it isn't like we were never with this other person to begin with. It would be different if you just wanted to be with someone and you were never with them and especially not married to them. But when you had a relationship with someone and were married to them, that is why we still want that.

I don't feel I am ready for a divorce by any means. Divorce to me is something that I really don't like or believe in. I guess when that days comes and I get divorce papers thrown in my face I will then have to start to learn to get over my wife. I guess until that day comes my heart still tells me one thing but I know I my brain is saying stay out of the fire.........

No, I agree with you. That statement that my sister said...well maybe she is right...but that doesn't change my heart either. I want my husband more than I can say. We have shared 16 years and two kids. All of that just doesn't go away.

I'm thinking of you....Keep moving..one day at a time.