Help...............
I am losing control of my emotions and I don't know what to do. The pain is back and I am feeling hopeless.
I was doing fine for awhile, Sorry I only come when I don't know what to do anymore. I have decided to move out in a plan B mode. Wife went out of town with OM so I was going to move out while she is gone and leave her the letter. I just can't get over how much she doesn't care about what she is doing to me. What makes me madder is that I still care!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I am moving out and I will have the kids with me, but they will go back and forth when she gets back. I was going to do the no contact with her, but today I had a thought. Maybe I should hold off on the letter until after Valintines day. I thought one last big effort to win her back might work. and then if she doesn't care, give her the no contact letter.
I can't believe how foolish I am for even wanting her back after the way she has treated me. I hate this!!!! I was fine, then I started thinking aboout what she is doing and I can't stand it!
CD

I know your pain I'm in the same boat. How could someone who used to tell me she loved me more than I could ever know now tell me she dosen't know if she ever loved me and that OM is man of her dreams. But remember the fog that she is in. In most of these cases I don't think they really even know what they want. It is odd that we still love someone that could hurt us this way, and mabe it's just the fear of losing someone we love to someone else that we are afraid of. I'm not so sure that it's love that I feel for WW as it is fear of being the loser. But if you do still have love for her then we have to look at it as we have time on our side we know what we want we just have to be patient till we get it. I think I would rather be in our shoes than theirs anyday just think of the guilt and the not knowing what they want that they are going through. It's though on us but no matter what happens we will be stonger in the end. And if it was ment to be it will be. Stay strong and as in control as you can. Everone here will help alot were not alone!

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: 20years ]</small>

CD,
It is actually a good thing that you care. It shows what kind of person YOU are.

If you want to go until after valentines day, and you can stand to do so, then go ahead. Plan B is for after you can't do it any more.

Remember that your feelings are NATURAL, I think you understand what that word means. It is unnatural to continue to treat her well, but that is what makes us into a better person.

All of us have bad days when we can't take it any more. Somehow we just wait until tomorrow when we will be able to pick back up and carry on for another day or two. Please remember that hundreds of of people come here feeling like you, and get help, you are not alone. Don't feel bad for needing help, or for your feelings. Just keep doing the best you can, and not letting your feelings control what you do.

Remember that she may not come out of the fog for quite some time. That's why I say to write down a plan and do it like you plan it, because she may change daily what she says she wants. Your girls need to know you are steady and dependable, even though you don't feel that you are.

You can do more than you think, I believe in you.

SS

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 05:00 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hey CD
Hang in there - I know exactly what you feel.I <strong> just can't get over how much she doesn't care about what she is doing to me. </strong>
yep, hear you loud & clear. I think plan B is what the doc orders now. Whilst the Valentines day is a great idea, make sure you still got capital left... my guess is that under current circumstances, being with OM and all, your WW wont suddenly snap out of it just because of a bunch of flowers on V-day. Be strong!
N

Citydweller,
Fog sucks. But fog lifts. Plan B was the only thing that snapped my husband out of the cake eating game. Once he realized I could and would get on just fine without him I was back in control. Not total control but it felt good to lay down the rules. it wasn't easy but I am leaving in a few hours to bring him home.
I understand the frustration. Just plan a as long as you can without lb's but watch your love bank bnlance for your wife. I almost let mine get too low. Then we would have been screwed.
Take care, I hope things get better.
Hugs!!!!!!
Layli

Hey CD,
Please let us know how you are doing.
By now she is back from her trip?
You are moved out?
How are the girls?

Let us know.

SS

It is the control that the wayward spouse has. You sit there wondering, why, how can she, what can I do now. She sits there and is enjoying having 2 men after her. Eating her cake and icing. There is no meaning to their meanness, except selfishness.

It hurts, and what you are feeling is for real. You seem to have a kind heart, and realize that your wife is screwed in the head. You could make the no contact letter after Valentine. Or you could do it before. Stating, that you love her, but you can't sit here and wait till she gets out of the fog. The pain is unbearable, the memories are severe and you feel that this would be better for both of you. Take control, let her know that you mean what you say, and don't let her use you. Don't become a doormat.

I would maybe get a Valentine card, with the letter and do it together. The letter would be a nice counseling letter, stating the obvious.

Just my thought. Why send a letter hoping that it will turn her around. She has not shown any sign of turning around. But sending a card before he gives her a card for Valentines would be a step above him, and to show her at your own time instead of that specific day, that this is out of your heart. Instead of suppose to get a card.

Just a thought.

bump!

CD, we're worried about you. Please let us know how things are going.

-Qfwfq

CD, you still out there?

WOW,,,,all I can say is that his story sounds like mine,,,,everyone has to decide for themselves how long they can put up with it, if Plan A is getting them anywhere or not,,,,I put up with it for nine years before i Plan B'd,,and Plan B was the only thing that lifted the fog he was living under,,,,,hang in there CD, in one plan or another, and let us know how you are PLEASE,,,,Holly