Please, if there are any step parents out there who can share some suggestions with me, I'd really appreciate it! I've posted twice on the Emotional Needs section and I don't think I'm posting in the right place. Maybe I need to be in a support area for step-parenting. Can someone help direct me?

Might want to give Pregnancy/Child a try. What's your concern? Go ahead and post your question or topic here anyway in the event that a step parent reads it - it might be easier to respond to a question than to say "I'm a step parent" then wait for you to reply.

I knew that iVillage has a lot of parenting boards...sure enough, they have one on Step-parenting.

Maybe that would be useful.

Isolated,

I'm a step-parent, and willing to help if I can - I'll take a look on Emotional Needs, but post here too.

Lisa

Thanks everyone for your input.

I have a very huge problem with my SS. He is 15 1/2 years old and has a problem with anger. When I was putting away some laundry in his room, I found a piece of crumbled up paper with the words "Must Update Kill List". On this piece of paper are names of various kids (who I assume are from school), his sister's name in huge letters with a circle around it, and a Mrs. ___ who is probably a teacher. I gave the "list" to my H to discuss this with SS. Well, the discussion happened and my H says that SS said he was just angry and wrote down the names of people who make him mad. I find this behavior very disturbing and not normal. My SS is a loner, hangs around the house playing video games or watching TV and in the past 4 years that I've known him, I've yet to see a "friend" come by or even a phone call to one. His mom knows about this and says he's just going through normal teenage stuff, but said he should be in an anger management class.

I wanted to discuss this with his counselor at his school but because I'm the stepparent, the school said I couldn't schedule the appointment. One of his bio-parents would have to do that. Neither my H nor his mother will do this because they fear that bringing this "kill list" to the school's attention will probably get their son expelled.

I just would like to know what to do? He doesnt really listen to me, and I have pretty much taken a back seat when it involves discipline of any type to the SS. But this is something I view as very serious and I'm quite frankly afraid not only for myself, but for my 9 year old boy too.

Any suggestions?

Anyone?

Isolated -- guess you sort of feel like your name given the few responses about your situation.

I am not in any sort of similar position to give advise on your situation with your SS, but I can tell you that just as an outsider reading what you wrote both here and on the EN board, you have some serious thinking to do.

I would insist that my H step up to the plate on this one. Even if his son is angered by his actions. You have a right as his wife to feel safe in your own home. If he nor this boys' mom is willing to provide help to their son (clearly the boy needs help), then perhaps you and your child should consider moving.

If it were me, I couldn't, nor wouldn't live in a home where this was going on.. But that's just me. You'll do what is best for you.

Isolated,

This is NOT normal teenage, going through a phase, type stuff. I was a male teenager, knew many others, I have two sons, one is now 15, the other older, IT IS NOT NORMAL.

You really need to get his Dad and his Mother together and discuss a plan of action. The school may not be the best place to address this and they may well react in a fashion that is not helpful. But, a GOOD, I mean very GOOD counselor, is needed now.

You have reason to feel deep concern. His parents have a reason (I am assuming that sister is theirs as well), and everyone else near this kid should be concerned. I hope that this is something that counseling can address.

Don't fool around. Get his parents in action NOW. This is serious stuff.

God Bless,

JL

I'm not a step parent...but I am a parent. Yes, this child needs help. If the parents are unwilling to see that he gets it, I'm not for sure what you can do to see that he does. You might talk to your family doctor and see if he will recommend a good counselor for teenagers.

This is NOT normal. While I don't understand why the school is unwilling to meet with you...if they won't, they won't. But, I think I'd maybe push this subject with H until he gets his head out of the sand and puts the wellbeing of his son and the rest of the family ahead of his fear that his son might be expelled. That could be the least of his worries down the road if this isn't addressed.

Good Luck!