We have our 4th joint session today. It has been over two weeks since we last talked. I feel awkward about the whole thing. I don't want to act needy or sad in front of her, but I don't want to seem cold either. I am struggling with finding the right balance.

I have jumped through all the hoops so all her lame excuses are gone. I sense that her hour of reckoning is getting close. I am going to send her a Plan A letter after the session if I see no change or hope of change.

Like many of you I am fighting with the feeling of hopelessness. I find myself looking beyond this, to a life without her. The next minute I am back into conflict and want to fight.

I am going into this session without emotion, expecting nothing but her baseless attacks. I am withdrawing.

Is plan B nearer than I think?

<small>[ January 28, 2003, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: Luki ]</small>

LUKI-

You are going through a process...It's all a part of the roller coaster. I too go from complete hope to utter despair. I think it's normal to feel these things during the healing process.

You will find that the contact with you W will bring you MUCH pain. I think that being apart helps because you don't have the reminder of who you lost in your face 24/7. Detachment is really good, buit is really hard to do, especially if you haven't seen her in a while.

As far as PLAN-B is concerned, I think you will KNOW when it's time to go that route. I do NOT believe that you are there yet.....

Good Luck,

Luki- I to think that you are not ready for plan B. If you truely think she is comming around wouldn't plan b only push her further away?

I think plan a as long as you can. When it becomes too painful for you then it is time for plan b. My life and depression has gotten much better since I went to plan B. But, I wish I was still plan A'ing since it seems like there would be hope.

I would say to put on a happy face but don't be afraid of telling her about the pain the A has caused you. Don't lie to her or yourself.

Why would you send her a plan a letter if you are already in plan A? If you have addressed all her issues what would the letter do? Would you do it to prove that you are still committed to her and your M?

Good luck with your meeting. I don't think you are ready for plan B.
STTSI

I know I should stay in plan A but we are approaching 5 months since D-Day(Feb 11). I had a 6 month timeline in my mind before I would think about plan B.

1 hour to go before the session. I have thought about it alot but not as much as the previous ones. I am more worried about how my reaction will be when I see my W. I want to be cool, calm and collected, but emotions get the best of us sometimes.

I'll post back later on the results. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Good luck Luki, I will be thinking of you!
STTSI

Good luck, Luki.

Let us know how it goes.

MTD