<small>[ February 16, 2003, 12:34 AM: Message edited by: Misia111 ]</small>

One, why are you allowing him to sleep in the same bed? Also, what about STD?

You both need counseling. Also, the no contact with the other woman needs to be put forth. Either it is her or you.

I would not allow him to sleep with you, do you know what diseases he is spreading, from her, and who knows who she has slept with.

He cannot sit on the fence and go back and forth at his pleasure. He is eating the cake and the icing and blowing out the candles all at the same time. He is using you, and you need to set boundaries. Make it clear, that you need to know where you stand. You need to move ahead, if that is his decisioin. If he cannot let her go, then Plan B, and let him see what she is really like. That is where the WS finds that the other person is not what they thought they were. When reality of life is exposed, the other person is not what they thought they were.

Get your act together, set your boundaries, and let your H know that there are consequences for his actions. I feel counseling is a must.

Thank you for your advice. I love him very much, and I know he is playing games with me. I just talked to him and he said that he wishes that he has not follen in love with this other girl. I am totally confused. I feel that if I set boundries he will reject me and go to her, and I do not want to lose him, but then on the other hand what if he is just playing with me, then I lose him anyways.

Misia:

Stay tuned to this site until The Marriage Builders Senior Members respond to your post. The Marriage Builders Principles definitely work. You have not yet received standard MB' advice. For example, they encouraged me to STAY IN MY BED. You want to begin PLAN A and to not LOVEBUST. Read, Read, Read about this under CONCEPTS on this website until you hear from others!

My husband has been in a longterm affair and these principles have definitely worked for me and the people here are WONDERFUL!

Take care. I know what you are going through.

Misia:
Clicking on the paper and pencil icon at the top of your post will allow you to edit your topic. You might get more responses if you change it to URGENT-NEED HELP! I want you to get some help here soon.

I've been responding alot to Mimi, so you should check out her posts- there's alot of advice in there.

Most people will tell you the same thing. Plan A. Show your H the best you, and try to reconnect. It's good that he's in YOUR bed!

Got to go- I'll post more later

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 12:56 AM: Message edited by: Misia111 ]</small>

misia111,

Our story's almost the same word for word.My H moved in with OW 5 days aksed to come home. He two is my bed. For now i'm living with him seeing her. They work together he gives her rides. (excuse the pun) He has made a schedule i feel like the OW.Same thing said he loves us both. She said she will wait for ever for him. He wont let go. I tell my self be patient at least for the kids. Don't want to cry any more.

Sounds like you are already implementing a great Plan A.

Keep this up! Put forth the very best you. And make him look at and analyze every aspect of his life with you and your daughter.

But don't be afraid of the POWER of Plan B. Of completely shutting him out of your life and making him miss all the emotional needs you fulfill in him.

And absolutely let this affair hit the light of day. Make sure the OW knows that he is home with you and daughter (WS's are famous for misleading and lying and omitting!)

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 12:57 AM: Message edited by: Misia111 ]</small>

Misia,
LIke Espoir says, read the posts to me from my start on the BOARD. You will learn alot.

In my counseling with Steve H., he has said that our WSes are like drug addicts. It helps to think of it that way. That the OW is a source that he is addicted to. Other folks here can lead you better than I can. I'm really struggling with this just like you.

misia111,

I know just how you feel. I have schedule some days mine some hers. I feel crazy.My home e-mail address is kplennert@mail.com But I have a free sever and the kids have used this months time.If you have one you can give me now. we can brain storm tomarrow.I can post at brake time.

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 12:56 AM: Message edited by: Misia111 ]</small>

Misiall111,

I can't tell you how I know. He works with her to. he has off to day and still got up at 5:00am to drive her. Some days he is very affectionate other times cold and distant.He loves us both.(so what's that mean?)Your feelings are the same as mine. She has been to my house.(when they were freinds)Ha,Ha,.I been married 19 years.Have 2 children 13-b /9-g.Somtimes I just can't believe I've agreed to this arrangement.Never thought I'd be sharing my husband.I'm trying to give him time to sort out his feelings. Only wish there was some regards to mine.OW and him seem to have so much in common. Or it seems that way.She also getting divorced and has 2 children.I think he loves the fact she 10 years yonger than him.He tells me how grate the sex is. O.k. I asked. It seems I want details than wish I'd hadent asked.Saturday is tuff he leaves our bed at 4:30am to go to hers.She dosent know we still sleep together.(He dosen't want to up set her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ).I'll try to wright you at brake times. I love my job it keeps me going.If I can swing it I'll get a paid sever at home soon.I can not tell how much I know how you feel.Hang in there. Kathy

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 12:57 AM: Message edited by: Misia111 ]</small>

misia111, I sent you my number from work. So don't know if you got it. Please call if you can. If I'm out leave your number I'll call back. Kathy

Sigh! You ladies are still having love making with WH's without making them get tested for STD's?
What a risk you're taking! Tell them it's ok to be in your bed, but no sex until they agree to go get tested for disease. I know you'll hear them say she's clean, etc. HA, I heard that too!
But no one can tell by looking at a person and plenty are walking around with Aids and hepatitis and many other diseases that no one would guess.
Your life is definitely not worth these two pieces of Crap!
The old story of don't know who I want because I love both? Well, they'll never give up other person as long as they can sing this song. They will get over OP only when they cut them out of their life.
I admire you that can do this and wait it out. that is definitely not me. Soon as I knew it was over! And I didn't care which way it went at the time, though I love my H, but I had to have him back to myself. So I told him choose. And oh yes, he said he did love her more than me. Then he said or he thought he did. Now he says it was never love at all, Just pure fantasy!
But you know what? I have enough confidence to have let him go to her and stay. And he would have come back, only I would not have let him back in my life then.
Let him make his choice, but don't let him have it both ways. You can and will survive with better health and happiness than living this way!
Who the heck wants someone who doesn't love them anyway more than anyone else in this world?
NOT ME!
Usually, when given a choice and they know you're not going to stand for it anymore, they wake up pretty quick.
If they do move in with OW for a while and then want to come back, you are in position to call the shots!
LouLou

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 12:54 AM: Message edited by: Misia111 ]</small>

<small>[ February 16, 2003, 12:54 AM: Message edited by: Misia111 ]</small>

misia111,

Hi, I know its so confusing.I never seem to know where I stand. First he loves her, then us both,me more? Just don't know.I to leave the room when he is on the phone with her.I'm tired of crying.I have decided i'm spending too much time trying to change something I can't. So i'm working on me. It makes me feel a little better.He keeps telling me details.(not sure I want to know but listen anyway.)Your in my thoughts wish I could help.You can e-mail me any time glad to listen. Maybe I can call you this weekend.Hang in there, Kathy