<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Was a good show. Talked about husbands, and this one gentleman, had an anger problem and won't let it go. This man, when he was 17 had taken his little nephew 2 1/2 at the time, and picked him up from the front lawn and put him on the steps of the house. The mother was inside. He told his nephew to stay there and be careful, that he was going to go. He got in the car, and didn't realize the little nephew was behind the car, and he ran over the little guy and killed him. Of course, his sister came running out and her little baby was dead. He was only 17 at the time. His sister has forgiven him, but he has not forgiven himself. He talked with Phil about what he could of done, what he should of done, but what Dr. Phil said, you are all tight inside about this, and any little thing makes you explode. You will not forgivve yourself, your sister has, and you need to. It is affecting his marriage, and his wife is afraid to talk to him about some important issues for fear of him going ballistic. His body language was showing that he felt he was in control, but was putting a barrier around himself, to protect himself from Dr. Phil. This man did break down, and this was the first time he really cried about this incident.

Another couple, were fighting and she wanted to see Dr. Phil. It was communication not being shared by the two. No one was listening to the other. She and he finally were able to talk and say what they would like when one got home from school, and the other the same. The man felt that he was not being heard, which is correct. But the wife felt the same too. Communication was started, through counseling, and the couple take time out for themselves, to express feelings, and concernes.

Oprah, had a program, on how women don't give their husbands credit for what they do. I know I have that issue too. The couple at first had a hard time expressing what they would like to have when they got home from work. How they would like to express themselves. That they are providing for the family, and they have feelings. I know I did this myself. I have been trying very hard to not criticize my husband. He works hard, and I know that customers are a pain in the butt too.

The woman also, had to dive into why they felt they had to criticize their husband. Part is control, and part is not getting their feelings heard. It boiled down to communication skills.

Like Oprah said, we all are human, and make mistakes. We need to express our sorrow to our spouse, and ask for forgiveness. To say, I am not a perfect human, and I would like to have another chance at stating my concerns. Both spouses need to do this, and connect.

We all have barriers, and need safe zones. Part of the issues with todays world, is the pressure of everyday living. Both spouses do not take enough time for themselves. We don't treat ourselves special, cause we are always concerned about how to feed the family, how to pay the bill, how to get Johnny to the soccer field, what to cook for dinner, am I gonna have enough time to pick up the dry cleaning, oh my gosh - I have to stop at the store to pick up milk before I pick the kids up, church meeting tonight, need to bake 3 dozen cookies for Lindas birthday party at school, On and On it goes.

Boundaries, we all need to set boundaries, and look at ourselves as being special, and take care of ourselves. Not in the way that we are neglecting the family, but put time for ourselves.

Couples need time apart, to entertain their own interestes. Husband may want to spend an hour a day on the computer, he can ask the wife for a to do list and state I will give x amount of hours per week to get what I can get done on the list. If something is urgent, then put a star by it. Otherwise, don't expect me to get it all done, only x amount of hours allowed per week. This also, gives the woman the responsibility of saying, I can do this or that. So she can take that off the list. She feels good about accomplishing tasks that she would of passed on to her husband. And the list is not overwhelming for her husband.

All in all it is communication, and that is the goal to a good marriage.

My hsuband I feel has an anger problem. Maybe I am wrong, but I am hoping that he and I can talk about this soon. This may have stemmed from him not having a father, parents divorced when he was 3, and his father was an alcoholic, not very kind man. Didn't see his father maybe twice a year, but not very much. Husband argued with his grandmother, his brother. He had a wonderful mother, but she was so young, had husband at 18 yrs of age. She acted like a teeny bopper. But she provided a roof and food for the 2 boys without any child support. I love my husband, and feel that he does need some help. Would love for him to attend an anger management program. Will suggest this sometime. He is a good person, does well in his job, self-employed, and we both are assets to each other.

We need to communicate, and express, and feel safe with each other.