I know this is a hard question but does anyone have experience on how long it took their WS too quit running away from everything. For them to finally stop and realize what they have been doing and what they have done to other people.
The reason I ask this is my wife(WS) has been running for the past 14 months and she shows no signs of slowing down. She got up and left (moved out) our house and she still has stuff there like she just got ready for work this morning at the house and she has been gone since the end of June. My wife(WS) doesn't talk to me, she hasn't spoken to her dad in ten months (he is upset with her about everything), she doesn't talk to her mom much, she doesn't talk to her brother much. The only people she talks to is her supporting cast of friends.
I am just wondering if my wife will ever realize what she has done to me her husband or to her family or will she keep running and hiding from everyone.
Months, years, never?? Just curious....

Unfortunately... maybe never. She has to work on herself... she's the ONLY one who can. She's probably not just hiding from y'all... she's hiding from herself as well.

All you can do is work on you. Even in recovery, confused_guy, I can't FORCE my H to acknowledge MY stuff. He drives his bus. I drive mine. And, we negotiate the route.

Prayers,
Cali

CG:

Good to hear from you again (I was T-zero, not 2 long ago).

This is probably an impossible question to answer. I think, personally, that for the WS to stop running, as you put it, they've got to have a conscience. It's got to bother them at some point that they're not making the effort to contact their family or their BS. Because it sounds like that's what's happening. It isn't that her family wouldn't like to talk to her, is it? Perhaps some day the loss of the family ties will overwhelm the "rush" of whatever it is these friends or the OM (if he's still around) provide her, and she'll start to resurface somewhere. But it will take what's left of her self-respect and her conscience to wake up and say "enough of this B.S.!" to make that happen. Will it? Maybe. Hopefully. But a lot of people go on through life making the same stupid mistakes. Some almost seem to thrive on being miserable the rest of their lives. I hope your W isn't one of those.

Good luck,
-Qfwfq

CG-

My answer to that question is this:

WS will turn around only when they have realized the magnitude of what it is they will be losing.

I'm not familiar with your story, but to me, it sounds like your W is still very attached to the idea of coming home some day. If she wanted out, her stuff would be gone.....

Maybe it's time for you to withdraw from her. Start packing her things up - make her take them....give her less and less of that security blanket that she has created.

I think the 180 approach might be the right thing....but again, I don't know all of the circumstances....

I agree with Kily. My W was noticeable upset when I moved some of her things out of our bedroom and to the basement. Little things like that can make it look like your moving on with your life and make the WS think, at least a little.

At this point it doesn't seem to matter what I do. I can do the 180, 270, 540, etc... My wife(WS) seems to be living in her own little world. She doesn't give a crap about me because why else wouldn't she pick up the phone, send a card, etc. To see how I am doing? As far as the original OM he has come and gone. There could be a new one or back to the old one. I have no idea what is going on with my wife because at this point there is no contact.
It is hard to believe that she doesn't care at all for me. At this point I think it is just all about herself. I wish she would show some signs of being human and just reach out to say hi.

Confused Guy, do a proper 180 or do a proper Plan B.

You cant change them so sort yourself out Sir that you can be the best moving forward.

My $0.02? My Ex has not stopped running.

CG,

I agree with Kily. My W told me she wanted a D 5/01. I waited. She finally filed 11/01. I waited. 5/02 we went to custody mediation and reached an agreement. I waited. I moved out 7/02. 8/02, she tells me she wants to sell the house. I get the necessary paperwork together and do some minor repairs on the house. I waited. Finally 9/02, out of frustration, my lawyer drew up the formal custody agreement. We finally sign the custody agreement 12/02. No action taken on my W's part regarding the house, so I decide to buy her out 12/02. W puts bid on townhouse (she had to do something since I took the initiative on the house) 1/03. I close on the house on Monday.

My point is for someone so determined to get a D and move on with her life, she's done nothing in that regard. It's been 15 months since she filed and we haven't even started the financial settlement. I'm ready to move on and I'm considering dating. IMHO, once the financial stuff gets started (she has more to lose than I do) and she experiences being on her own for the first time ever, she'll begin to realize what she's losing. Sadly, she's probably too proud to do anything about it and I'll have moved on.

I guess you could say I've done a 180 in that I no longer express my desire to save our marriage and I'm detaching from her for my own good. I haven't told her I'm moving on, I'm just doing it because I'm ready to. Will it have any affect on her? I don't know and I don't care. I'm doing it for me.

My W didn't run the way your's did, probably because she saw the life she had ahead of her, but she never turned back, at least not yet.
Your W may stop running, I just hope it happens before you get to the point I'm at.

sad dad

The reason I ask this is my wife(WS) has been running for the past 14 months
Didn't she just move out 6 months ago?

My wife took off (left the state) 4 years ago and hasn't been back since. Still with wankstain, I believe.
Married 19 years at the time, 2 daughters, 8 & 13.

She has seen the kids twice in those 4 years, talked with them only 4 times in the last 2 years, almost not contact with her family. Last saw her parents Nov 99. Last spoke with them about 2.5 years ago.
Me & her haven't talked more than 2 minutes total in the last 2 years. I divorced her, she doesn't know it yet.

GUYS-

I just want to say that your Wives DO NOT DESERVE YOU!

What I would have given to have someone willing to work on it as much as you all do......