Hi all,
So good to be back home. We got home last night, spent a wonderful night in Portland. hubby is showing such good signs for a healthy recovery. We talked a LOT. He said things like, "I know I said if I wouldn't have went, I would have always wondered but I shouldn't have been wondering in the first place."
He initiated the NC, agreed to an STD test next Tuseday. When he said no contact he really meant it. I showed up to pick him up and she was gone. We hurried and loaded his things and left. No note no nothing. Might seem extreme but you'll understand why it was good.
We we're on the road a few hours and began getting calls from his sister saying OW had called home 9 times. Called MY mothers house twice. Posted a message on a website he posts on and emailed him 20 times. She finally called my cell phone. I wanted to stop her harassing my family so I pulled over and he talked to her. He emphatically told her No we cant be friend, we crossed the line and the only way I can work on my marriage is to have NO contact with you whatsoever. She went on and on about him always promising to be her friend. Then she tells him she is pregnant. (I told him the night before to expect this.) She had told him she'd had her tubes tied, couldn't get pregnant again, it might be a tubal. Her story changed about 3 times.
Then she started saying she couldn't go on and she might as well kill herself. Husband hung up on her. He doesn't play the emotional blackmail game, she kept calling our cell phone so we turned it off.
When we got home we checked his emails, he let me read them all. Very woe is me, you broke your promise blah blah blah. Then I listened to the message she left me.
"Lisa, if you are any kind of woman you will let me and Philip still be friends. You are taking away my best friend. F you. I hope you guys are really happy but F you."
Her email got more and more abusive towards hubby, blaming me for the no contact etc. (It was his idea.)
So we sat there and deleted all her emails, all their IM chats, logged onto his game and put all her characters on ignore, he blocked her email addresses. Now she has her family emailing him, saying she is really depressed and in the hospital and how could he do that to her.
Then we ripped up every picture and letter he had from her. He changed all his passwords and gave them to me and whenever he sends an email, I am at the computer reading what he is typing. He feels a little weirded out by her actions and isn't sure what he should do. He wants to just ignore her. I am guessing, by her previous actions she will dramatically "lose" the child in a few months, best way to get rid of a fake pregnancy. He wanted me to post and see what advice you all had for him. He is dead set on NO CONTACT no matter what she says or tries.
Is that correct?
By the way, he has been reading my posts here while he was gone and wants to thank you all for sticking by me and never letting me give up on him. Says fog sucks and he will never go back. Committed to me and enthusiastically planing his life with me. Yay. I told him it's going to be hard to let go of her friendship but that I would help him every step of the way.
Thanks guys,
Love you all,
Layli

Dear Layli and H,

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Very happy to hear of your progress. Know that the OW's traits would have eventually showed up.

She has displayed the fact that she needs help. Better it show now than later. The best way to help her is stay far away from her. Her family can deal with it now. That is really what is best for her.

For the 2 of you, being supportive of each other in all ways is what is healthy for U 2.

Hugz and welcome home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
L.

I am not sure about your laws there , but here it is illegal to harrass using any form of telecomunications.

If they dont cease, you can contact her ISP, also your telephone company. Put in an offical complaint and let them deal with . Other than that a restraining order if she becomes or threatens to become violent.
Avoid at all costs talking to her again, it will just feed her need more.

PS I am happy for you both.

layli,

Good for you guys!!! I really like how H stood up to her for the no contact!!!

I am sure that it will be very hard on H if he is visiting sites were they had been or played together, avoid them for now!!!

Avoid all contact from her, have her number blocked from your phone, it was good H blocked her e mail addresses

PRAY for your H that he stay strong in working on his marriage and that the Lords will be done in your lives at this time!!! Also pray for OW and that the Holy spirit works in her heart and she says she needs to leave your H alone! Prayer is AWESOME!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 30, 2003, 11:55 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

Dinotopia is right! Handle this in as calm and if necessary legal manner as possible. It hopefully will die a quick death, but be prepared if it doesn't. I would NOT delete any more of her emails, or her family emails, you don't have to read all that garbage, but set up an email account where you can forward each one, so that you have the proof needed if it continues.

In the same vein, don't delete messages on your answering machine. You may also need to call your local phone company and file a complaint for harrassing phone calls, they will then began logging those numbers which you report as they come in...more proof if needed.

Whatever you do, neither you nor your H should deal with her directly...or anyone else in her family. The stronger NC you have, the more likely she is to stop and you'll have a much stronger position if you must take legal steps.

I'm so glad that you and your H are both now willing to began walking down your healing paths together, hand in hand, heart to heart. May your path bring enlightenment, joy, love and happiness. Good Luck!

layli, since people can make up new screen names constantly, a better way to avoid her getting email through or any of her relatives is to make an allow list only. You can do this through mail controls and privacy under settings.
I have done this and put only people I want email from. It also frees you from the junk mail!
I would have kept some of her threatening emails though and phone calls recorded on your cell. There is a device you can get to record those phone calls. My daughter did that during her divorce.
Turn her in if she continues and let authorities deal with her!
Happy to hear of your H's wake up!
God bless, LouLou

Well luckily the phone calls have stopped for now. She is still trying to get through on the email. We just read them and discard them.
husband and I talked about love busters and how she is doing all of them. He said it was probably funny for me watching her do all the things that this site said I shouldn't.
He reinforced that he is committed to me and said , if anything, her constant attempts at contact were just reinforcing to him that he made the right decision.
We talked a lot about the fog and he said it was strange, like waking up from a long, bad dream and wondering what on earth could possess you to hurt your wife that you love like that.
Kind of nice for the info on the fog. It is a day I never thought I would see that I am so glad to be witnessing.
Thanks for the feedback guys, we both appreciate it.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Layli and Hubby

Layli,

You could have her e-mail shut down if she is abusing you with her e-mails. Of course you would want whoever those e-mails are addressed to to initiate it.

Most e-mail services have a compliant area. Hotmail has a abuse e-mail address that I have used and it works!

JMHO,
L.

Layli, I'm just happy to hear the good news on your recovery. And that H is doing all he can do reassure you. It's good to here one say he wonders how he could hurt his wife.
Mine said that the second day home. And was beating the steering wheel in car attacking himself. But he's sort of shut down since and doens't ever want it brought up again.
I love reading the success stories here. God Bless, LouLou