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Pepper -
Silk nighty, body oils, and a book of poetry... which you dress her in, rub all over her, and read to her.
Good idea, but I think it would be way cooler if Q wore the nighty, got the oil rub, etc. Might make for an unforgettable Valentine's Day!!!
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SiSF: You DON'T want to go there! Heinous! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> How about: "book of poetry, Silk nighty, and body oils, which you dress her in, rub all over her, and read the labels to her." ? It might work!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> -ol' Qfwfq
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W called a while ago with a question about her new cell phone. After taking 2 hours to get to work, due to 3 accidents along the way (not hers, thankfully!), she was in a very good mood. I love her when she's like this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But MAN! So. Californians really forget what 'water' is and how it affects pavement if it hasn't rained in a while, don't they? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> -ol' Qfwfq
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~Q~
I would suggest you get REALLY specific AND graphic about what is loveable about her. Go the entire distance ... sublime to ridiculous.
I love the cool color of your loving eyes.
I love the way your back arches when we .....
Go all the way , just in case it's been 2long since you romanced her sox off with outrageous compliments.
We girls ... eat that mushy love stuff up with a bulldozer!!.
<small>[ February 11, 2003, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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Pepp:
I can do that, but I won't be able to post it here for feedback before I send it, huh?!
Turns out, with the weather the way it is, she probably WILL be in the office on Friday.
-ol' Qfwfq
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Another quote I like, in the vein of my "growing pains."
"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
Lewis B. Smedes - The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don't Know How
(had the source wrong, sorry)
<small>[ February 11, 2003, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: Qfwfq ]</small>
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<small>[ February 11, 2003, 01:41 PM: Message edited by: Qfwfq ]</small>
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My dad told me once that if I kept my mouth shut and listened closely when others talked, I just might learn something.
That's hard for me, cause I tend to go on and on, but I have learned a lot from reading on this thread. Thanks to all for the learn'en.
Q, what you said here -
This is amazing to "watch", if it is growth, and I do think there's some going on. Why hasn't she left, if she hates her M and family as much as she sometimes says she does? Because it isn't true. When my son and I got back from flying, she came over for a big hug and a cry. And then again about an hour later. No words. And I was thinking, what do I want? I don't want a DV anymore than I want a broken M. So, I will try to encourage her when she shows signs of this soul searching going on. And wait.
I think you are exactly right. I keep wondering if she would be crying like she is if she didn't care ( as she sometimes infers.)
Pepper, this part is to you. I have never seen better advice to Q than what you have been giving on this thread. My question to you is - what positives do you see in his interaction with his W?
SS
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SS: Thanks! I should have also added that my W has snuggled a LOT more during the night since then. "Pepper, this part is to you. I have never seen better advice to Q than what you have been giving on this thread. My question to you is - what positives do you see in his interaction with his W?" Careful, SS! She's just as likely to answer with something like "Heck no, I just find ol' Qfwfq a LOT more entertaining than Jerry Springer!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> -ol' Qfwfq
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The positives are.... much and many ....
They are deeply and madly in love with each other !!!! It's soooo obvious! They keep trying and keep searching for a forward moving path.... irregardless of the hurdles and setbacks.
~Q~ is beginning to realize the difference between stupidly muting his real self and feelings ~~ and ~~ carefully exposing himself "as is" ... as an act of faith, love and courage.
He loves his W enough to risk looking naked .... but he doesn't yet fully realize how much she needs him to do this .... which will make it safe for her to do this as well.
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Pepper: You're right, of course, on all counts. Why is it so hard to open up? Why is it so scary? I've heard tell about how this is exactly what I need to do, in fact have given that advice on this forum many times, but it continues to be very hard. I can't very well keep using the excuse "but what if RM, Boxer Smudge himself, gets hold of my vulnerabilities and uses them against me?" A stupid fear, absolutely. I also fear "crossing the line" from being supportive and sounding "educating." At some point, I have to decide whether I'm answering a question or making conversation, or educating. It's not easy for me. Like today, I've gotten 4 emails from her at work. First two were jokes (funny ones at that, maybe I'll post one), but the other two were about how I'm doing (working at home, cause I've got a cold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ). But they were short and sweet, too. I was tempted to send one of my forgiveness quotes to her, but decided I might be educating her with them, so I didn't. Yep. I certainly do love my W very much. I THINK she loves me, too, even though she says she doesn't know what the stuff is. (What is this thing called? ...Love? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). -ol' Qfwfq <small>[ February 11, 2003, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: Qfwfq ]</small>
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Thanks Pepper, I felt Q needed to know what you just expressed so well. He feels it, but she won't admit to it so he has a hard time staying in the grove. I was afraid if he kept bouncing out he would scratch the record. It's such a nice one too, hate to see it get scratched.
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SS: Wow! Vinyl!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Some of my records are older than most of the MBers I post to! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Try not to worry, okay? I am so into that groove that I think, with time, there's less and less chance of the needle scratching the record! This weekend was such a strange, intense "upset." I have to wonder whether the closer we get to getting our fears out on the surface, the closer we get to maybe someday perhaps, possibly starting something along the lines of, well, maybe a recovery? That'd be so damned cool! -ol' Qfwfq.
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Hey lilbro: hey, on upward wing here! Cool...keep it up, all! Give her a long foot massage... Happy Valentine's day! Gee...guess it's not all over after all, even when you're pushing that half-century mark! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Hi Bigsis (now, why do my fingers always want to type bibsis? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) Digital dyslexia, I suppose! Today is another day! The future lies ahead! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> -ol' Qfwfq
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Hi! Q!- I'm so glad that things are looking up for you and W! Everytime I type "Q"...I have Star Trek:Next Generation flashbacks....anyone else? I am also quite dense at times! Just read your end message...I can't even remember the last time I heard any King Crimson! Wow! Gonna have to dig some up! Do you find the HelenWheels thing funny? I do! The sad part is no one under 40 even gets it! My old dog (now crossed over the Rainbow Bridge) had a litter of 3 male puppies once, and they were named Curly, Moe, and Larry, naturally! I'm kinda sick that way.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Things are not looking up for me, sorry to say...I think I needed my posts as much as anyone else and will expound on this in a new thread shortly. I'll also hunt Jen Brown's thread, and see if I can offer anything there. Cheers for Q! <small>[ February 12, 2003, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: HelenWheels ]</small>
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HW: Hi! "I'm so glad that things are looking up for you and W!" Me too. I just wish I could be one of the lucky ones to have a NC agreement right out of the gate. But, I have MY W, not someone elses! And that's a good thing, I think. "Everytime I type "Q"...I have Star Trek:Next Generation flashbacks....anyone else?" Yeah. I like the Q character on Star Trek, too. But the name is based on a character from a series of short stories... See: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=022363#000000"I am also quite dense at times! Just read your end message...I can't even remember the last time I heard any King Crimson! Wow! Gonna have to dig some up!" ;o) The old Peter Sinfield lyrics are the best! "Do you find the HelenWheels thing funny? I do! The sad part is no one under 40 even gets it!" It took me a while, which is kinda embarrassing! "Things are not looking up for me, sorry to say...I think I needed my posts as much as anyone else and will expound on this in a new thread shortly." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> "I'll also hunt Jen Brown's thread, and see if I can offer anything there." I'm betting you can! -ol' Qfwfq
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Do you find the HelenWheels thing funny? I do! The sad part is no one under 40 even gets it!
ok... i'm 44 and i don't get it... can someone clue me in...
oaktown...
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Hell On Wheels <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Q-
I heard a quote on the radio yesterday and thought of you....
"What you fear is what you attract..."
Wow, what a true statement.
Well I began to think about your situation about the ILY thing. What I began to ponder was that perhaps your fear of her NOT loving you is preventing her from being able to express it.
Let's say that you were 100% convinced that she DID love you...Your need to hear it would be very low because you were secure in that belief. If this happened, then you would focus on the things that she does to SHOW you that she loves you, and the rest would take care of itself.
I am just suggesting to turn the magnifying glass just slightly and see how the different light makes the situation look. The ILY issue is a need, but it is also a power struggle.
Hope I was able to convey thisw right...
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