I talked to my counselor today, and expressed myself with sobbing tears. I told the kids about what happened. I was hoping for a miracle I guess, and guess God is not listening or Satan has such a good hold on ?. I don't care how little I love a person, I still would of cared and said something that would of shown concern.

While I was gone, I called home to see how the kids were doing. I was wishing to talk to one of them, I miss my kids, and knowing that they will be leaving soon, this was hard to leave for the weekend. I called no one answers. The kids went out to the movies and dinner. I found out today, that dad took the kids and our youngest daughters boyfriend out to the movies, and was suppose to go to dinner. Except he got an emergency call.

Now does this make sense. He tells me I am lieing here about the insurances and all. I can't afford to take my kids out to the movies. Not at what they cost per ticket. He can take them all out, plus our daughters boyfriend, and take them all out to dinner. Of course he doesn't mention anything to me. Knowing that he has the money, makes good money, darn good money, and I am getting alimony and childsupport only. Worked all those years for free with him. And I am to cooperate with him. This is painful, and of course he uses the weekend that I am gone to do these things.

I expressed my concern to the counselor today, about XTBXH hurting my feelings. What kind of man is this to do this, and not even say to his wife, I am so glad you didn't get hurt.

Thoughts today I expressed to my counselor, was maybe I should of died, or been in a coma or something. Maybe he would of been happy if I died. Of course to be in the hospital would of put him in severe stress financially, since we don't have ANY <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> health insurance, cause this was his decision. As well as Life insurance, that he canceled.

I am spiraling down, and I just want to kick his *SS and tell him you have hurt me, and I am tired of this crap. I am tired of him telling me what to say here on the boards. I am going to say what I want. Cause I am telling the truth, the Gods truth, and if he doesn't like it tooo bad!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Also, I think he is typing on the boards here. I read somewhere, a post. And it is like his writing. Or there is someone like him. Someone who just recently came on. I looked at his register and it is very recent and vague. But what does a man do in a house that doesn't need cleaning. Besides eat, watch TV, some paperwork and of course the COMPUTER. Or maybe he has a correspondence on the computer. Could be.

Anyways, I am spiraling down, was not very nice tonight. Just said what I had to and left it at that. He does'nt care one iota about me. This has been made clear, by his actions and words. He didn't care if I was scared last night, and shaky. He just doesn't care.

What I write here is the truth, the honest goodness truth. We have many bills not paid, mostly medical from years back. He makes darn good money. I am fighting for my life. Lieing, and doing deceitful things have been shown to me by H. Like cancelling the Life insurance. Now H has to get a new policy, and it is going to cost more than the old one, cause he is OLDER now. What a dumb move.

You know, H you are a good man. But who you are now is not the H I knew and married out of love. You have been taken over by Satan, and you do need psychological help. How can you come over to my house happy, and cheerful? Do you see the pain you have done to this family? The pain of not having insurnaces. Our youngest son needs health insurance for the trip to London which is coming up next month. This is the truth!!! If he has no insurance, he cannot go. This is the truth!!!! SNL knew this from way back in September when the trip was planned. This is the truth!!!! I am so sick of this, so sick of living in this horrible world, where adulterous people control everyone. God strike these people, strike these people with the courage to say the truth, and give remorse and guilt. My God, I love you my Lord. Help me, cause I am not doing well tonight. Bye.

<small>[ February 05, 2003, 08:01 AM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

Faith4me,, Why are you still in contact with SNL? I thought you were getting divorced? It may not be what you want but by begging him to care about you and to show it will not work. You are a worthy person and worthy of love, but if SNL can't give it to you that does not mean you shouldn't live. He doesn't deserve someone like you and you need to protect yourself from the pain he is causing you. You are letting him hurt you and please don't take this wrong, I am not cutting you down, I know from experience because I have let my H. do the same thing. But it has to end eventually and you need to set some boundaries. Why is he coming to your house? Does he have his own place to live? Please don't talk about wishing you were dead, what would your children do? I am worried about you talking like that. DBD

F4me,

We just spoke the last night right? You know you can't control SNL. Whether he spends his $$ on OWs or other things instead of what he is suppose to, it will catch up in the end. He is NOT scoring any enduring brownie points with his spending habits.

F4me, you are going to have to realize that his actions state he does not care whether you have enough to live on or not. He may try to convince others that he has taken care of you and maybe in his mind he has. But if in reality he hasn't you will have to scale back, big time. I know you are already a thrifty person. May need to squeeze the turnip a bit more. Others will see (like the lawyers.....) maybe then SNL will carry his load.

Now whether he is posting here or not, so what?!??! If he is, let him. Remember we can't control him. He wants to believe he is really helping others and gets his thrills from that, let him....... just like before it will last for a while and then stop. You know whY? Because as good as his advice is, unless he is doing the same, it will eventually show up that he is more talk than a doer.

You are a doer in great pain. Sometimes your frustration takes us beyond reason. F4me, we understand.

Now as to that accident, no you don't really wish that on yourself, on me or anyone. Would you like to hear me talk like that? I did for a while back in 2001, remember? You and SNL helped me then, infact a lot of MBers helped me. I am still here .

Let's get you past your pain. It will be hard but you need to get past it. I don't want you to ignore it but get to the point where you control the extent of how much you allow it to hurt or control you. Like the way you are dealing with your shoulder....... massages, therapy, medicine, excercise, doctor's visits, etc. These are techinques to help you past the pain. You now need to do this with SNL.

You already have started and so near to reaching that turning point where you will see some relief. You did back there for a while but each encounter with SNL makes you take a step backwards. Remember that the next time you want to reach out to him. Envision him pushing you backwards.....then step away and find another avenue to resolve your current issue.

SNL, if you are reading this, pay attention. Don't play games with your W. One of you is telling the truth and the other is stretching it. Who has more to gain by lying here? If the BS is lying, only time will tell....... if the WS is lying.....only time will tell. I sure would hate to think that either of you have lied to me and that's just what you have both told me.

Whether I find out the truth or not is immaterial to your situation. But deep down both of you know which one is being truthful and which one is stretching it a bit.

To the stretcher: WAKE UP! Don't color the lie........ it isn't helping your cause any and you are hurting your family.

I wish you 2 would hug and make up (or make out - LOL!!) But right now you can't even consider that option. You both need to work on being decent with each other. Really decent and caring. One of you is more caring than the other. Stop hiding and start caring. There is much more to life than sitting in front of a computer all day... (I should talk - LOL!!) But it is true, life and love come from living and sharing it with those who truly love us.

take care..... both of U.

L.

DbD - yes, we correspoond, cause of business. He comes over whenever he wants. Not my wants. Would of loved for him to do Plan B, and should of when I found he had another woman in his life. Like Jennifer Harley told him on the phone, get out that night. And he said no, see more of the wayward spouse doing only what he wants and to H*ll with his wife and kids. Yes, we are divorcing, and it is an UGLY Divorce, just more control. Yes, he knows that I am injured, and not going to make much money after all these years of not working. Yes, he knows that I have an injury from 1990 that has caused my arm to be weak. But does he care, noope. And I guess I have to realize that he doesn't care. He is moving on, and to bad for me.

I needed time to cry last night. I cried to our dog. Faith (1 of our 4 dogs), slept with me last night, and licked my face of tears. She is a sensitive dog, and I think she slept with me, cause I was crying. I held her paw, while I cried. Talked to her, and God. I needed a good cry, like the Dr. Sayer said, you need to cry, get this crap out of you. You are a sensitive person. And you take things to heart easily. She said this is a good thing in you, that is why you are a natural caregiver. God made you this way for a purpose. Don't let others tell you your sensitivity is a bad thing. But you also need to be stronger in other ways. Was interesting to talk to counselor Dave yesterday. He said the same thing. Said, you are going to take a long time to move in steps. You are sensitive and you move slowly with caution. Yes, he stated that I will be stronger in other ways. But right now we are moving in baby steps. He has already seen some stronger steps in me. But this is going to take time.

Well, today I see another counselor. Yep, my days are spent going to counselors, and reading books and journaling and Drs. What a life.

I am sorry for the stress, but I was so uptight last night. So angry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> with you know who. Just couldn't hold it in. My mood shifted so fast, and according to the counselors, this is quite normal. I don't have a safe zone, this house is not a safe zone for me either. Trying to create a spot in the house that is a safe zone. Just have no energy, right now. Told Dave yesterday, I seem to have no energy. Part of the depression. Also, switching over to the new med, (anti-depressant) could be causing this to happen too. Have to go. Thank you for talking to me.

Hi Faith4me,

How are you feeling today? Your pain is apparent in your posts, but something else is becoming more and more apparent too--you are getting stronger and better Faith4me! Those baby steps are starting to add up!

Faith4me, this vent sounded a lot better to me than many of your previous vents--this vent was about YOU and how snl's behavior and attitude affects YOU. Now that's something we can work with! Is there anything in your vent that you would like ideas for changing the way you participate in the situation?

I wish I had more time to post right now. I'll check back when I can.

Take care Faith4me

Yet again - well wonderful husband e-mailed me. And in it he stated that my MB thread was Drama Drama Drama!!!!. This is what hurts. This man doesn't see what he is doing to me. He doesn't see anything but himself. I talked to counseling today, and felt better. I start group counseling tomorrow night, and I have been thinking about staying overnight in a hotel, out that way. Just to get away from here, and have some peace. I talked to my counselor today about staying the night in a hotel. I really can't afford it, but I deserve something, and to leave late at night and come home late, is scarey. I have a vehicle that breaks down, quite a few times in the last month and I don't want to break down in the night. It is old and I need a new vehicle that is reliable. Of course my hsuband doesn't think so. Of course he doesn't think I am hurting, by what he posted, Drama Drama *?!@+& <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

This wans't drama, it was real concern, and he demeans my feelings by telling me I am nuts, with Drama <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . This is waht I am having to deal with on a regular basis. He doesn't care about me, that is what I found out. He porbably would of liked for me to been crushed by the semi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . But God decided this was not my time. And of course, he could of collected money from the accident <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Which probably would of made him happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Since he used my settlement money from my arm to buy the house in Arizona, that he and the Mrs. X decided to get to know each other in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , it was vacant at the time. And of course he used my settlement money to buy the stocks.

There is this pattern, and he screwed me big time, but now I am fighting for my life.

I was hurt by his unthoughtfulness, and when he e-mailed me about DRAMA DRAMA - those wrods show that he does not care 1 Iota about me, nothing, zippo, 0, zero, NOTHING!!!! Well, he has a tiger clawing at the walls, and I am fighting for my life now. FIGHTING and FIGHTING. I have people to help me here, and otherwise. I don't want to hear any more of his unthoughtful words.

Like I said, this man I do love, but not who he is now. He is a demon and he is letting the demon take over his heart, mind, emotions. I am sorry that he is this uncaring, unthoughtful, disrespectful, screwed up man. Lord, if you see the pain this family is enduring everyday, please show this man that we all care about him very much, and would like for you to show this husband of mine that he is in deep need of psychological help. Plase Lord, please help this man, my husband, my childrens father, my mother-in-laws son, my brother-in-laws brother. Plese Lord, he needs help now, Please Lord, why are you waiting, please give me an answer.

Yet Again- I just want to be able to vent, and express myself.

You are a good man husband.


A man I married out of love.

Yet again, I am under an extreme amount of streess right ow. I need to take a long hot bath, and concentrate on my needs. Will come back later.

<small>[ February 06, 2003, 07:36 AM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

Hi Faith

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are a good man husband, and I do love you. I don't put you down. Now would you have the courage to not put me down anymore?

That is what I want. To have him state to me that I am not what he called me for the last 3 years, a F*c*ing B*t*h, and how she was more sexually endowed, and how she was more of a listener, etc. I am sick of this woman, and I hope she is history, gone, and living her life of lies.

I hate this scene I see, I hate my hsuband playing my feelings down, and belittling me whenever he wants. You know SNL, you could be a considerate man, and start showing the manhood in you, instead of a child playing with firecrackers. Please grow up and act like a man. A man I married out of love.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is not a good man or a good husband. Good men and husbands do not put down their wives. Good men and husbands support their wives.

How are you still involved with his business?

Faith - you need to blow him off. He knows what buttons to push, and because he knows this, he knows how to hurt you. The more you start thinking of you, and less of him, the less he can get to you.

You know why I think he reads your posts, so he can get a handle on what bugs you and to try to get more information for himself.

Faith - please e-mail me at momofthree55118@yahoo.com

Let me know when you get this. I will remove it afterwards.

Thanks

Done

<small>[ February 06, 2003, 07:33 AM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

F4me,

I know what you are going through, you have described it well enough here. MBers already know without having to read the detail of where SNL is.

I respectfully ask you to remove your e-mail conversation. For the sake of both of you.

F4me, you both are NOT listening when the each other speaks. You need to both listen to each other. oK?!?!?

SNL, face reality........ only where there is truth. Don't lie to your family, to yourself and to others. It will not minimize your responsiblity.

Both of you need to realize that this decision is being reached because of the interactions NOW on both your parts. F4me, you are in such pain, you are not able to deal with him and you are very very angry. I understand but if you expect to heal, you need to look past that anger.

Wish him well. Let him know that you will heal. Then let him see it.

SNL, stop sharing your angry guilt with your W. You have that habit. It has been exhibited before. You take the blame in words but in your actions you give the blame to your family and F4me feels the brunt of it. STOP that!

Do you need to get assistance? IMHO, I think so but it is not my opinion that is important, it is those that can professionally help you. So Consider that option.

F4me, when SNL puts on his drama, DON'T contribute to it. You push his buttons as well as he pushes yours. ok?

SNL, I know you want to post your replies and glad that for now you have not. Work on what the real issues are and ignore those that you can not fix. Just like the BS can't control the WS, you can't control your BS. Remember that. This medicine tastes bitter but you are controlling the dosage.

The better you 2 treat each other, the better it will be for all. Work on 1 day at a time..... ok?

L.

how scary this is to read. I guess there are 2 sides to every story. Faith4me may God be with you and your H. I am praying for both of you. how sad

Sue - read your thread, now you can remove your message. Thanks.

My-OH - thanks for the prayers. Yes, divorce can be ugly. I am praying for us, and our children, and our family.
Orchid - post deleted. Yes, that was not appropriate. I appreciate your honesty! yes I am angered, and angry! I have been trying, but I let my buttons get pushed. I am on new medicaiton, and counseling with a group starts tonight. I am working on me, and only me. I need to be a better person, and let the old stuff slide off. Then I will be a better person. Buttons are pushed, and hopefully in time, the buttons will have grease and they won't be pushed anymore. Thanks Orchid, you have such a good sense of emotional turmoil. Maybe you should go to school for psychiatry! Makes good money, and you are a NATURAL!. Thanks. I am sorry to my husband! Husband no need to look here for more posts. Husband I am dismissing myself for awhile. Husband what is said at home will stay at home. Husband you work on yourself, and I work on myself. I love you husband, and I am sorry for what I contributed to the marriage and to your self-esteem <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . Thankyou to all of you, bye for now.

Hi Faith4me,

I hope this post comes out caring and direct instead of harsh. If it sounds harsh, please understand that it is just MY frustration leaking out because I have been in your shoes in many ways over the years. I know the frustration and feeling helpless and powerless--but I really wasn't powerless, I just THOUGHT I was because I GAVE MY POWER AWAY TO SOMEONE WHO MISUSED IT! That was MY fault even though I didn't know better at the time--I thought that was how to show love. Thankfully, I am a little wiser now--not a lot or as much as I want to be, but being even a little bit wiser and changing my behavior accordingly has had tremendous positive effects in most areas of my life and especially for the people I love most.

You said:
"well wonderful husband e-mailed me. And in it he stated that my MB thread was Drama Drama Drama!!!!."

He is no longer a wonderful husband, he hasn't been for a long time and he will never again be a wonderful husband to anyone until he decides to do what is necessary to change the path he continues to choose to take.

I agree with snl that your threads are Drama Drama Drama--but I believe that snl is the drama queen, as are a lot of people in midlife crisis and a lot of WS's while they are still foggy. I believe that you join in snl's dramas with the way YOU REACT to him and his drama-making stuff, but I do not believe you are the source of the drama. I think it's funny how many drama queens point their finger at the people who are playing a starring role or a bit-part in their dramas and blame the roleplayers for the drama itself. Faith4me, as you post LESS of what snl wants you to post for him and more of your OWN ISSUES your posts are less "drama"--coincidence? I don't think so. Just look at what happens whenever you start to use a different "script" when dealing with or about snl--he pours it on until you start reading from "his script" again--and you end up miserable and/or suicidal when you participate in his drama. This helped me to quit playing MY assigned role in my FWH's dramas--I pictured him wearing a Drama Queen Crown (sometimes Tiara) and told myself that he could play out his drama without my participation. It was hard to change my buttons that he was so good at pushing but picturing him with the Drama Queen Crown or Tiara really helped a lot--who wants to play such a crappy role in such a crappy drama? I hated facing myself when I participated even though I didn't intend to, but that's what I had to do if I wanted anything to be different.

You said:
"This man doesn't see what he is doing to me."

Yes, he does--that is why he does it. When YOU change the way YOU participate then he will no longer get the benefits he does now and he will have to change his tactics. He will not do anything different until then. Why should he when what he's doing now is working for him? It makes for a horrible situation when both spouses and/or both parents are lost at the same time. That is in YOUR hands Faith4me--one of you has to go first and YOU are the more courageous right now. Baby steps are still steps--very important steps--so keep with your plan for recovery and healing during this hard time.

You said:
"This wans't drama, it was real concern, and he demeans my feelings by telling me I am nuts, with Drama. This is waht I am having to deal with on a regular basis."

Typical fog Faith4me, just typical fog--if it's not about them they squawk in typical foggy ways. When I talked to my fogged-in lost H about suspecting that our teenage son was suicidal (but hiding it well) he went on and on about me being a drama queen while trying to turn the conversation (if you could call it that) into all about him. He was remorseful when our son made an attempt--and I was grateful that we participated together in his hospitalization program instead of making funeral arrangements together. It's hard to see our spouses acting so ordinary and usual when we know how unique and special they used to be and could be again if they would be a little honest with themselves. But in the fog they are so ordinary and run-of-the-mill in just about every way. So sad.

You said:
"There is this pattern, and he screwed me big time, but now I am fighting for my life."

You are changing YOUR participation in this pattern with snl--this will make it less likely that you will get screwed by snl or anyone else. That is my biggest reason for working toward recovery and healing whether or not the marriage survives--if I don't recover and heal then it is likely that I would marry someone similar and not even realize it until it was too late. Scary thought, isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You said:
"Well, he has a tiger clawing at the walls, and I am fighting for my life now. FIGHTING and FIGHTING. I have people to help me here, and otherwise. I don't want to hear any more of his unthoughtful words."

Well said Faith4me! You can still care about others while you do this--as long as you care just as much for yourself and SHOW that you care just as much for yourself at the same time. Keeping with your plan for recovery and healing is one way you can do that.

You said:
"Plese Lord, he needs help now, Please Lord, why are you waiting, please give me an answer."

Maybe the answer has already been provided to you? Maybe that's why you are working with drs and counselors who seem to be very, very good instead of having to first weed through a bunch of yahoos like many people have to? Just a thought.

You said:
"You are a good man husband."

I hope he finds himself again, I truly do. snl--you don't seem nearly as bad as my FWH was. Even our kids thought he was damaged beyond repair. After a long foggy season after NC, he has a peace and a contentment he has never had before. Our kids are benefitting greatly from watching his recovery process and he is teaching them things by example that would not have been possible without the awful situation that preceded this recovery. You can give that same gift to your kids, as Faith4me is already starting to do. Btw, you can recover and heal and become the best you and father you can be without having to become a husband. That is how my FWH started his recovery process, I wanted to rebuild the marriage at the same time. Now FWH wants to rebuild the marriage and I have changed my mind--a better me deserves more, right? I gotta keep working on (what I call) that WS Wannabe attitude <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Take care Faith4me

P.S. I'm going to post an OT post about juicing to you so look for it ok?

Oops--I didn't see that last post before sending mine.

Was that a goodbye post? If it was then I guess you won't see this one--I will keep you, snl, and your kids in my prayers. I'll try to send the juicing recipes to the email address you posted.

Take care

Yes, I am going to get off of here. Once again, I came home just now and SNL called me. Was upset that I deleted the post. Said I should of not. That it was important to HIM to leave that post up. That I should of consulted <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> with him first about deleting the post, and not delete the post because of what the one poster wanted. I said, now it is important to HIM to leave a post up for the marriage people to see. But when I asked HIM to correct his postings from when he was posting on Marriage Builders, he said these people here on MB were not real, they were just people, nobody that really cared, no one that was going to know how you were. Once again, demeaning my feelings, and rejecting what I wanted. But now, once again he is demeaning my feelings and telling me what I did was not right, that I should of consulted him, and that I should of not deleted his post. Manipulation, yes, control yes!!!

Well, I get damned if I do, and damned if I don't. Is this Manipulation? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Is this Control? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Is this considering the spouses feelings? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Is this showing thoughtfulness? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Is this a trusting, loving spouse? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

This is why I am done! I can't communicate here by myself and vent, without getting criticized by SNL, told what to do by SNL, what I should say by SNL, telling me to correct my posts which I have been doing to please SNL, telling me that what I am saying is a lie. You know what SNL? Why don't you just shoot me SNL, and tie my arms and legs and make my movements like a puppet and talk for me. If this is what the heck you want, then do it and get rid of me. You talk about being unfair SNL, by God you have been the most controlling, manipulating man, and I have had it. NOw I wish to GOD that that semi- would of crashed me into the median cement wall, and ended my life.

I came home from masso. and was hoping to get things done, read a book, and go tonight with a good frame of mind to my first group therapy session. I am crying and bawling. God why did you bring this man into my life? Why? Do you think I deserve this SNL? If you do, you better get counseling now? YOu are the most wicked manipulating man in the world, and you deserve to be kicked in the butt. Let me be me would you. Just let me be me! I know you don't like me or love me. But God, knows that I love you, and God sees that you need psychological help. YOu are a mess, and you are showing it daily, and now are showing it to the MB people here, who are real people. At least I know they are real, you don't, but hey that is your problem. If you want to post, do it yourself, cause I am done talking for you. I am me, not you Joe.

THis is why I can't do this any more. You all have been so helpful, and if SNL would of just kept his nose out of here, then this could of worked, but you all don't realize how much he has told me to correct my posts, which I did, how much he doesn't like about what I am saying, and that I am lieing. I can prove everything to all ofyou. Then we will see who is lieing. SNL, I am off here for me NOT YOU!!!! This is for ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Faith,

Your WS has treated you horribly like most of our WS have treated the rest of us; however have you ever thought about posting without constantly referring to him by his old sign in name.

Don't except anything from him, not help, not sympathy, not support, not anything. Get on with rebuilding your life and stop thinking how unfair it all is, as someone who 2 yrs ago was at the very bottom of the pity barrel I think I can say this.

I know I am happier when I leave my TBX out of my personal equation. I have very regular contact with him, now daily as he has moved back to my town but except for the boys I don't except him to do anything for me.

I wish for you peace and happiness but only you can get it for yourself. As I tell my students only they can stop themselves from achieving their goals. I'm talking LD unprivileged minority kids here who all ready think the world is stacked against them.

<small>[ February 06, 2003, 07:52 PM: Message edited by: sing ]</small>

F4me,

Hope your group session went well. What a big vent..... hope the new meds help out also.

I think 'we' struck a cord here and made some progress. You feel like 'd if you do and d if you don't' ..........well you are correct. Now anyone who makes you feel that way must have some sort of confused directional problem, eh??

So will you continue to take 'direction' from such? Well for many of us that is our family member and though we love them dearly, we must find another way to deal with it.

So take some time off the boards.... you have a my phone numbers and a few e-mails you can use.... in addition to that you can also come back here under another user name and give us all a challenge to figure out who the new U is!!?!?!? LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Maybe it would be better to do that a bit later. Strengthen yourself for now. Enjoy your support group. Remember that several of us are thinking of you..... and SNL also.

SNL, if you have a problem with my suggestion to ask F4me to remove that post, you have my number, ok? Can't seem to figure what would ever make you happy..... hm..... but I am thinkin'.

take care,
L.
ps: F4me, I wouldn't make a good advisor..... I post much better when I can come and go as I please - he he he!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Know that this comes from the heart.

Thanks to you all! Group session was good. Big class, 21 battered wifes attended. I cried, allowed to do so. Life will get better. Just have to move forward without manipulation. Thanks, taking a break from here. And going to do things for me, and ONLY for me. Everyone else here in this house will just have to wait, and if they can't, then they do it themselves. This is my time for me, and only me. Feels good to say it, and now I have to mean it 100%. Husband will have to realize this is me talking, and to heck with what he wants. No controlling me. Bye, for a few weeks.

Hi Faith4me,

I'm not sure if you're still checking replies to this thread today or not. If you are, and you see this post, please tell me if a reply to your second-to-last post on this thread would be welcome or helpful. If not, I will trust that it's because you are doing what you feel is best for YOU right now.

I wanted to reply to you and snl both. If it's best for you that I don't reply to you, would it be ok if I posted what I wanted to say to snl (don't worry it's not mean)? Make the choice that is best for you ok? I will trust that you will.

Btw, I didn't see the post that was deleted.

If I don't see a reply to this in the next day or so, I will try to fix my email problem and email you those juice recipes. I selected ones that are supposed to help with stress--maybe snl would like to try some too?

Take care Faith4me--keep with your recovery and healing program and in your spare time keep working on eliminating LBs

You, snl, and your kids will be in my thoughts and prayers (like you all were during the months you were away before).

Yet again - it is fine to post to me or to SNL. I will read, and acknowledge that I read the posts. But at this time I don't feel long posts of my feelings are acceptable here, with SNL reading. Therefore, I will just post short statements. Thanks again. And yes, I would love some juice recipes. I just made the apple/lemon juice. It was terrific. My daughter/boyfriend and I had it for lunch, it was sooo.... good. We are looking forward to picking fresh strawberries, and raspberries this year and mixing each with lemons, it is going to be great. I am enjoying my juicer.

Had my first meeting with the battered wifes last night, 21 of us, I couldn't believe it. They said it is the biggest group since they started 6 years ago. They finally had to stop accepting more applications. They gave those names to another organization.

It was hard, to talk. I asked my counselor when I came in if we are allowed to cry. Well, I did, and so did a few others. It was a good meeting, and part of the meeting, is to laugh. We laughed, said a prayer before and after the meeting started and ended. We light 3 candles in the beginning, and I volunteered to recite a poem.

I see others in the same situation, and it is interesting to talk to them.

If you would like I can tell you more in a private e-mail. Just not appropriate here, since husband reads posts here. I want to share my feelings, and know that my feelings are validated.

Thanks