Well, I did it!! I called her and was very emphatic about not going to any more parties that Julie (OW) was attending (not exact words, but it was too long to write it all down). She reacted very out of character and simply said that she wanted me to know that I would always be welcomed and that she doesn't want me to ever feel like they are excluding me. I told her that I understood completely and hoped that she understood my feelings. We said that we loved each other and hung up. I just couldn't believe how she reacted. and then it hit me....it was Friday night...my H and Julie were there! I remembered hearing Julie say to my MIL on Sunday that she would see them on Friday. I mentioned this to my son on our drive home and he told me that for the last couple of weeks, H and Julie were going over to in-laws house on Friday night to visit w/ them for a few hours before H goes to play hockey. THAT'S WHY SHE WAS SO OUT OF CHARACTER!!
Oh well, I really don't care if they were there. It made the conversation go easier for me and they now know that I am going to stand up for myself.

Thanks to all of you who responded to my last thread..the responses really helped me make a decision on how I needed to handle this problem. The thread got a little off track so I decided to start a new one. Pepper....what you said to me really got me thinking and I realized that I had to be more assertive and verbalize my feelings to that they would understand. I know I did that last night....even if the reason she was so calm about the conversation because they were there, I know what I said made an impact.

BH

<small>[ February 08, 2003, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: brokenhearted ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi BH,

I think you handled all your conversations with dignity. What a victory for you! As has been said, you may not be able to control events, but you can control how you respond to them. And you did!

Remember, you are taking the high road in all this, and whether your family is willing to admit it or not, they know who is the honorable one.

Take care,
Estes

<small>[ February 08, 2003, 03:33 PM: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</small>

Thanks Estes! It is always a pleasure to hear from you! How is your son doing? I hope he is OK. How are you doing these days? I haven't posted too much lately, but I do lurk and read. My heart breaks when I read the pain and anguish of a newbie or the continued heartache of one of the oldtimers (I guess I am in that category now that I have been here over a year!) Take care Estes and thanks for your kind words of support.
BH

Patti - You know it was probably better for you that they were at his parents house - that way it was much easier for you to say what you needed to say without getting alot of flak... Just remember you know what you can handle - you also know that you have to think of yourself first for a change...You never told me how the interview went??? Any news yet??? Well I hope you are feeling ok with your decision to make the call - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - Talk to you later.. Mimi

Hi BH

I'm so glad you've spoke to inlaws about your feelings. I know you feel a whole lot better now.
Your inlaws will see how Julie really is and your presence will be missed.Keep in touch, I will be checking up on you OK. I pray for us all.

Hi BH,

Well as long as the MIL meant what she said, then it is good if the OW (she really doesn't deserve a name here - IMHO), good that the OW heard her say that. Now if she really knew that MIL was talking with you, it would be great!

Regardless though, you will handle your relationships as you see fit. MIL can be a part of your life or not. Either way you will still move forward.

I am proud of you. The ow doesn't hold a flicker of light next to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

Hi MAW - It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. When I talked to her last weekend in person, she was so adamant about me going. That is why I really think they were there and I am sure that it is why it went so well. I'm so relieved that it is over! My interview went well, but I haven't heard one way or the other. However, I had another interview yesterday at another place nearby and got hired on the spot! It is part time but pays a lot more than Sears. It is at a small computer store and I will be doing some office work, counter work, etc. I won't get benefits though. So, if the other place offers me the full time position, I will probably take that. I am feeling great about my decision not to go. I have been trying to keep busy today. I went to church this morning then came home and cleaned, played a few computer games, watched a movie. Now I am waiting for my son to come home and hear all about it! Thanks Mimi...I'll talk to you soon.

Hi Malc - thanks! I do feel a lot better! I think it was divine intervention that I called at that time! I had been putting it off all week and then all of a sudden I had this sudden urge to get it done! I'll probably never know for sure if they were there, but I feel better thinking that they were! Thanks for thinking about me Malc...I think about you all the time too. It is nice to know that people care!

Hey Orchid!! - You are so right!! SHE doesn't deserve a name here! I could think of some not so cute little nicknames though! LOL!
I truly hope that I will be able to maintain some sort of relationship with my in-laws. I do love them. I can't even think about not seeing my neices and nephews! I think it is up to me to keep the relationship going for now, so I will make plans to go see them and if the reciprocate fine...if not, I will soon find out. Thanks for your kind words L, I can't tell you how much that means to me!

Thanks for your support everyone, I appreciate all of you more than you will ever know!

BH

Hello,

Thanks for asking about us. I am fine, teaching a great group of kids. H and I went to see Cher in concert a few days ago. It was spectacular, an extravaganza deluxe.

DIL's A (now over) began two years ago this month. Hard to believe all that has happened. Their D is in the works although they are struggling with the financial part. S found out last week that DIL has run up - are you ready? - $90,000 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> in charge debts on cards in her own name during their separation that he is jointly responsible for according to the law. So he now faces financial ruin on top of the emotional toll. Where is the justice???

Before he knew about the $$$$, he had made plans for a trip, some well deserved R&R. So in a couple of weeks he will be going to Rio de Janeiro
for Carnival. Once he gets back, I hope that it will be only a matter of a month or so before they can finalize things, bankruptcy, etc. Anything to get her out of his life legally. He still has his son every other week which is good.

Your situation and my S's clearly illustrate that many people can never really "get over it." It just keeps on keeping on, and you have to do the best you can.

Love,
Estes

Hi Estes,
Wow, what a shock that must have been for all of you! 90,000....I can't even imagine that! I was feeling guilty over $2,500 charges I had put on my husbands card without realizing it was under his name! I hope your son gets a well-deserved rest on his vacation. I'm glad he didn't cancel it when he found about the financial situation. You are right when you say it just keeps on going...it does. Just when you think you are doing OK...something else hits you in the face to bring you back down. My prayers are with you and your family and I hope your son's divorce will be over and done with soon so he can get on with his life. I'm hoping the same for myself. I just want to get on with my life and see what else is out there for me.
BH

Hi BH
I was wondering how are you well me I'm OK, H is back to NC with me again you know this is getting old.Only thing I did was be honest when he hurt my feeling I gave him some uncut truth. It's all good I'm OK. I'll keep in touch just letting you know I'm checking up on you.

Hi MALC! I'm so sorry that your H has reacted that way to your honesty. I hope he comes to his senses soon and realizes that honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship! I'm glad you are doing OK. I guess I am too. I am still at Sears and just got another part time job to help out with the money situation. divorce action is back on, mainly because my H wants to marry OW. It has been a little over a year since I filed for divorce. My H is going to be very angry when he finds out that I am going after half of the equity in our vacation property. He doesn't want that included in our divorce settlement because he claims he wants to deed it to our kids. In the meantime, he is brining OW and her kids up there for weekends!! I'll let you know how it all pans out. Take care MALC and thanks for keeping in touch! Hang in there!
BH

Hi BH
Do what is necessary for you and your children.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He doesn't want that included in our divorce settlement because he claims he wants to deed it to our kids</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Oh really what's the possibilty he would deed the vacation home for 2 OC with ow coercing him to do so. I agree with you do what it takes to bring happiness to your family.

I talk to H today he loves his new job, I even asked about his suppose to be OC which everyone knows is not his but, I'm learning to accept the fact he claims this child as his own without DNA test.

He mention the OC having attitude like his self and ow, that ruffled my stomach, but I remain calm. I may not like it I just accept the fact this situation is there he created. The more I act like ow & oc don't exist even though they do the more painful it is for me unless he has NC.

So Now I 'm learning some acceptance. H told me a while back he wanted a divorce but told me he couldn't afford one. I told him to get a waiver
he told me he couldn't get a waiver because we were not married in the state in which he lives.

I contacted the state in which H resides, I was told by the clerk H can get a waiver. I believe H told me this just to stall. I gave him the information now I'm going to see how adament he is about really getting a divorce. H wants out so he has to file, but push comes to shove if I'm tired I will file myself.

I will no longer allow H to see me upset. If OW or Oc comes up I'll just vent to someone else. I asked if we divorce would he ever think of reconcile he said anythig is possible . Look at me sounding like I'm the one that had the A and OC. Not saying this whole stuation doesn't bother me still, no indeed just buiding my level of acceptance.

Other than that everything is swell. You and family will be blessed and so will my family and myself. Keep in touch, I think about you alot I guess reading your story my heart really went out to you and family. Be safe.

Hey BH
Just checking in how are things with you?

Hi Malc! I'm doing pretty good. I just got back from Florda so I am well rested and feel much better about my life. There have been some problems though...aren't there always. My OD, the one who lives with my H and OW, had a huge fight w/ OW while I was gone. My daughter left the house for about 5 days and returned last night. The things that OW said to my daughter were outrageous and uncalled for. Still my H took her side and said it was all just a big misunderstanding. Unbelievable!! I talked to Val yesterday when I got home and told her she could come up here but she won't. It is too far from her school and her friends. She goes to school in Boston so I understand. I just want her to be safe and away from the psycho. Thanks for thinking of me Malc! It is always nice to hear from you. I hope things are going well for you too. How has your husband been treating you lately? Is he still talking about divorce? How do you feel about that now? I know it is hard to go through. My divorce is in the works right now and it is heartbreaking but in my case it is necessary. Whatever you decide, it has to be what is right for you and no one else...not even your husband. You are a wonderful person MALC and you will get through this, whatever the outcome may be. Hang in there my friend.
BH

Hey brokenhearted,
I just wanted to say HI and you sound like you are doing well! Good for you! You should be so proud of yourself!

Hey BH

I'm doing just fine, maybe your daughter would like to come home for the summer.
I'm doing just fine, H and I been having some real good talks lately.

He's been initiating the phone calls he asked me when was I moving to were he is. I was surprised .
I was suppose to move before he did to where he's living now, but I allowed him To talk me out of it.Then he decides he moves south. I was angry so now he's trying to get me to move there.

I'm waiting until my daughter get situated first then maybe I will make my move. I do want to relocate because I never like the cold weather so South is an idea place for me and H knows that.

Ok far as divorce H was using it as emotional blackmale, until I called his bluff he stopped talking about divorce he see I'm not playing anymore.

Other than that all is certainly well with me.
I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to relocate. Honestly I want my H to move back here
he doesn't want to. My FIL said my H is feeling to much shame to move here.

Ow isn't a problem at all she pregnant by her H she on bed rest H was telling me she Has a sickle cell trait she may have cancer also. OW told H she wants him to have custody of her daughter.OW IS young and look old as dirt having all these problems. I told him it's her life style.

I just don't believe nothing that comes out of her mouth neither does H family. I believe H see OW for what she is by some coments made by him. H told me I was right about alot of things. I just hope he get the guts and get a DNA test.

I did tell him I wanted to talk to ow if he could arrange it. H was surprise I wanted to talk to her, there are some things I need to say. I want to wait until she recover first.

I alos told H I'm not really pressed about us living together just yet. I want my own place if I decide to move south and we start as friends date each other for a time then we will see also I would like him to read up on this site.

I'm glad you had a nice trip and you enjoyed yourself just keep praying. Far as psycho
if she touch your daughter you know what to do
she not to verbally abuse your daughter in no way.

<small>[ April 02, 2003, 03:34 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

^^^

BTDT - I am doing really well....thanks! There are still many days that I feel overwhelmed, but they are getting easier to handle. I certainly have gotten stronger through all of this. Once the divorce is final I hope I will finally be able to get on with the rest of my life. How are things going with you? I hope you are doing OK.

MALC - I am so glad to hear that you and your husband are talking! You certainly have a big decision to make about moving. I moved away from my STBX and OW and that was the best thing I could have done. Your situation is different since the OW is no longer involved w/ your H, but I know how hard the decision must be for you. You are definitely making the right decision waiting until your daughter is settled and getting your own place IF you decide to move south. I was actually thinking about moving south too. It is so beautiful and warm in Florida! But, my son refuses to go and I wouldn't feel comfortable moving him again. He is 17 and I know he has to stay put so he can make friends and feel connnected. How old is your daughter? Is she out on her own?

as far as Pyscho woman is concerned....I have a really funny story about her, but I will start a new thread about it. I think everyone will get a kick out if since it really epitomizes FOG BABBLE.

BH