Many of you know my story. DH left the end of October. At first I believed there to be an emotional affair with a woman that worked for his company. Then he stated to me and my counselor that he hadn't been in contact with this woman and that nothing was going on. He talked about many issues in our marriage that he was unhappy about. Some of them seemed as though he were making up things just to be angry. Anyway, he continually stated he was not returning to our home. He had told the counselor, however, that he was confused and that he was afraid that if he came back nothing in our marriage would change and he would want to leave again.
About a week after Christmas, I had a major break down in front of him. I could not be strong any longer. I totally opened up to him and shared my pain with him and everything. That was on a Friday. We agreed to talk again on Saturday and when we did, walls began to come down. I told him that I didnt' want him home yet. That I wasn't ready for it and that we needed to work on things.
Since that time, he's called me often and even started spending weekends at my home with and without his daughters. He would never agree to go to counseling, but would many times show up after I attended counseling to see if I wanted to talk about things. He finally admitted to me that he was confused and scared. We talked about many different things and he's been more open in sharing himself. We both agreed that communication is our biggest problem and barrier.
I've tried to be very open with him and not hold things in. Last Sunday when he left I was upset and told him that it was hard for me to have him leave on Sundays after he's here all weekend. He held me while I cried. Then on Tuesday he called to tell me that he wouldn't be around from Wednesday through the weekend next week. Since it was Valentine's day I was hurt and responded, "Isn't that convenient." He asked what that was suppose to mean and I told him that I would talk to him about it later. I then went to a private area where I could speak with him as I was at work. I explained to him that I was hurt because I really wanted to spend time together for Valentine's Day. He said that we might be able to work something out and still have some time together.
My counselor has encouraged me to continue to communicate with him with letters as he will read them. So, I wrote him a letter this past Wednesday and asked him to think about the two major issues that he's mentioned so that we could talk about them. He came on Friday bringing supper with him and later that evening I asked him if he wanted to talk about anything. He got defensive and was upset. He said that I was trying to control things and that I had this perfect little plan that he was going to come home and everything would go this certain way and that he hadn't decided if he was coming back or not. He started to leave and then immediately sat back down. I told him that I never said he was coming back for sure but that I thought by him coming around and staying and us talking that he was wanting to work things out and I wanted to know his feelings and opinions on things. The two issues dealt with finances and with his ex-wife. We talked and he continued to get snotty with me on and off. I asked him why and he said, because everytime I'm nice to you, you think that everything is just great.
Well, I went to bed and asked him if he was planning to stay and if so if he was sleeping on the couch or in our bed. He said he didn't know and asked why. I told him that I wanted to know so I could get him a pillow and blanket. He said he didn't know. About 1 1/2 hours later, he came to our bed. He snuggled up to me and started caressing me. We ended up having sex.
Then yesterday I go into work for a couple hours and come back and he's still in bed. It's almost 10 AM. He stays around the rest of the morning even though he'd previously said he had to go to his father's in the morning. About noon the phone rings and he asks who it is. I tell him caller ID says "out of area". It's his stepmother wanting to know if I know where he is. When I tell her that he's here, he gets upset. It's almost as though he doesn't want anyone to know he's at my house.
Then he gets angry with me and says that he shouldn't have stayed the night before as he had things to get done during the morning and he didn't do them. He said he had to go to the bank, etc. and didn't do it. I asked how that could be my fault as I didn't make him stay the night nor did I make him stay throughout the morning. He said he knew that. Then he acted all frisky again and wanted sex again. What the heck?
Well, he left and although he never said he'd be back, I sort of expected it. He didn't show up and I'm down in the dumps now.
It seems as though we were making so much progress and now it's like wa've went back more than we've went forward.
Any suggestions? I'm so not strong right now. I'm tired and depressed and so not strong.
