I recently discovered that a person i know from work and chrch is having an affair.

I am debating about whether to confront him on it and make him think about what he is doing.

Is it any of my business?? Or is it my obligation as a Christian??

One complication is that how I found out was by reading a email he had accidently left on screen at work, then i dug around and found many more steamy emails.

Or do I just pretend I know nothing?

I would tell him. I wouldn't necessarily tell him HOW you know, just you do know.

I guess it depends on your feelings for the person. My friend is away in grad school and found herself falling for a person in her cohort. In so many words she told me she slept with him. Whati said to her is the same old thing: What comes around, goes around.

If you are comfortable then go ahead and mention it. Maybe if more people spoke up, there wouldn't be so many Affairs!!
crybaby

Do you talk with this person, other than to just say "hi" in passing? If so, I would speak with them about it. (jmho)

JF, I would recommend you confront your friend. I wish someone would have confronted me..maybe I would have come to my senses sooner and spared everyone a great deal of grief.

It is tempting to stay out of it but as a Christian, I think we have to be a little more daring and bold about upholding the truth.

The A will be found out sooner or later. I say sooner is better--and if the person knows there is hope to recover and heal, so much the better. That person will need a friend to help them through the mess they chose to make.

JMHO

blessings.

If your friend was blindly walking off a cliff...would you say something? If he's your friend...how can you not?

If you barely know them, confronting them may be difficult. But, after all I've been through, I'd definitely confront anyone given the chance again. Maybe you can help to spare him and his family and the OP's family some pain if you can get this person to give his head a shake early on in the mess. Christian duty or not, it's the right thing to do. I wouldn't bring up Christianity when you talk to him. Bring up the fact that you know how much pain an A can cause so many people. (Bible thumping may not be the best first course of action.)

Oh, and don't mention how you were doing additional digging around after seeing the first email.

Just my take,

Jen

I think you should speak up. Because if all of us spoke up, perhaps it would seem like there is more societal recognition of the damage caused by affairs.

If you don't know them well, perhaps an anonymous letter and a copy of an affair book such as Infidelity: A Survival Guide by D. Lusterman.

Please say something. I definitely agree with espoir - there needs to be more societal recognition of the damage caused by affairs.

It is your business as a member of society. Of course, depending on how close you are to them, your responsibility ranges from just not giving him free hotel rooms, to full intervention. Tell that person (I'm using "him" to keep it simple) keeping the following things in mind:

Let him know that you KNOW - so he can't easily delude himself that you're just bluffing

Do not give him information he could use to cover his tracks - so he can't easily get sneakier

Let him know that others could know the same way that you know - so you can reinforce the fear of discovery

Avoid judging or condescension. Maybe mention your observance of how A's often end destructively. The better you know him, the more you can say, I think. - sure he'll fog his way out, but it shouldn't hurt to mention it.

Suggest a course of release. - he needs to know that there is a "right" path he can follow. Again, how much depends on how you confront and how well you know him.

If he asks questions about how you know, let him ask away, but feel free to use it as an opportunity to collect more info without providing any.

To bring up level of responsibility again, you can range your confrontation from an anonymous letter to kidnapping him to a detox retreat and confronting him there. Seriously though, I'd default with a simple conversation and gradually drop it down to an anonymous letter depending on how brave you are.

To actually answer your specific questions.... you can do both. Confront anonymously and pretend you know nothing. Surely, that's easy enough to do.

You should definitely confront. As difficult as it is, think of how the betrayed spouse is being treated or how their life is being unfairly affected.

Evil happens when good men/women stay silent.