First thanks to all who have responded to my latest post I think you are all right it has to be brought out in to the lite. My ? is should I make her read the other post first to see if it would knock her back down to earth. She then at least would have the chance to end it herself. I think she could deal with that better than if I were to call him myself. Somthing needs to happen quick because I saw where she had been looking for jobs in the area where OM lives don't know if she ws just daydreaming or really thinking about moving there (1500 miles from where we live) I'm not going to let her move our kids out of state. And she has said that she would not leave the house without them. Also I'm not going to move out of the house either ya'll were right about that also. I have tried to get her to look at this site to see if it would do her any good dealing with all of this but she has no interest she says it wouldn't change anything so there is no use in her looking at it. Have any of you had any luck getting your WS's to read this site. And should I let her se my post or do I need t keep them to myself? Thanks again

It would introduce a lot of variables in a short time if you tried to get her to read here and also if she did actually read here.

At this time, at most, I would mention that you've found that this web site had some interesting information.

The last thing people in an A is to pointed out by others that they are wrong and the excuse they use is exactly what you described about how it wouldn't change anything. So it's probably not worth the trouble at this time.

Has she thought about what she would tell the kids? Sometimes WS's don't think some of this stuff out too well and when they come to the realization of telling the kids, they rethink certain actions like moving out.

You probably know already, but saying stuff like "I will not let you take them" is going to come off as controlling. I don't know how much your thoughts translate into words, so just throwing that out there.

Providing her with the opportunity sounds good, but that also complicates things. OM may use the WS's forewarning to prep his story for his wife. I don't recall how you decided to bring this out in the light, so can't say much more than that. I would probably just concentrate on other things - like figuring out how to be honest, but gentle w/ the OM's wife. The tell/"threat" to tell is going to be a big LB for your W no matter what you do.

I'm sure other people have other thoughts on how much to notify the WS before the tell.

<small>[ February 10, 2003, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: est ]</small>

20yrs:

I think JL's advice on your other thread is the best. Give the OM a couple of days to tell his W, then tell her yourself to make sure he followed through.

This case is very different from mine, as Pepper pointed out. This OM is in a position to adversely affect a large number of people if he's allowed to remain in that position without being reprimanded for this behavior. He's supposed to be a morality role model, for Rice Cake!!!!

So, tell him you know. Tell his church you know and what's been going on. Your W will be angry with you. Be prepared, and be strong for your kids.

As for showing her your posts. Your call, but I bet she won't show any interest for a very long time, if ever. I told my W about this site just after I found it in February last year. She's never expressed an interest in seeing what I post here. Of course now, if she were interested, she'd have something close to 4000 posts to read between my former and current login names.

I honestly would like her to check out my latest stuff, but I won't expect or try to coerce her to do so. And again, I don't think you should expect your W to want to either. Don't feel badly for her if she doesn't want to. She's going to have to figure out how to heal herself after this experience, if she chooses to do so.

Check with a lawyer about her moving the kids out of state. It will probably be illegal for her to do so.

-Qfwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by est:
<strong>The last thing people in an A is to pointed out by others that they are wrong and the excuse they use is exactly what you described about how it wouldn't change anything. So it's probably not worth the trouble at this time.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">est nailed it. I'd forget about getting her to read anything right now. Ever tried arguing with a drunk? Same thing.

JL's recommendation is a good one. The only thing better, I think, is to figure out a way to communicate with either the church, OM, or OM's W without tipping off to OM the source of the "complaint." This could maybe shield you from your W's wrath once OM reveals to her that you upset their perfect harmony. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

BUT, there is much moral high ground in being upfront with OM and contacting him personally and not playing the same games they are - deception. Stand up for your family and yourself and call a spade a spade in full view - shamelessly. Yep, your W will be PO'd BIGTIME - for awhile.

Keep us informed, OK?

WAT

20 yrs, first she cannot take your children out of state without a court hearing and dang good reason! And I would fight her tooth and nail. She doesn't deserve to put your children through this or have them in her life style.
Next, tipping OM off by giving him time to tell his W is a bad idea to me. He'll simply turn the tables on you and run to your wife with your threats.
Is there no one in his church he has to answer to? There must be a head council? Call the mail Lutheran diocese or whatever they call it.I'd blow him right out of the water and make sure you have copies of the emails to back you up.Then ask them to tell his wife!
God bless, LouLou