I'm new to this whole thing so bare with me.
Backround is W and I have had problems in the past
and turned to other people for emotional support resulting in both having EA's her's with out my knowledge mine with her full knowledge. We have been working on the problem and are making some progress. After not hearing from OW on my part for 2 months she has been trying to contact me the last few days
I have just recently sent an NC letter but she has not received it yet as far as I know. I have been avoiding her phone calls as much as possible but
she has my work number and I'm afraid she may call
during work and I won't have any choice but to answer the phone and talk to her.
My problem is not knowing what to say if I do talk to her. I want to be polite about it but not sure if I can handle tears etc. When I try to personnally say I don't ever want to hear from her again. Thank God for NC letters. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Any help would be appreciated

<small>[ February 12, 2003, 08:39 AM: Message edited by: qm214 ]</small>

Got the call. Things went well. OW asked if I was avoiding her and I said yes. I told her NC letter was in mail and that for the sake of my marriage
she should not try to contact me any more. After
a bit of silence she said ok and we hung up.

How about the NC letter to your W's OM? Has your W done that yet?

That is not an issue at the moment

Ok now how are you both doing? What have you read from here (MB)? Are you seeing a good MC or counseling with Steve or Jennifer?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Ok now how are you both doing? What have you read from here (MB)? Are you seeing a good MC or counseling with Steve or Jennifer?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He just told me over the phone that he'll let me answer this because he has no clue how we're doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (He's also hoping to see how I'm feeling about things without saying anything himself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Yes, qm214 is my H. He asked for my username last week, and after hemming and hawwing a little bit and trying to control the circumstances under which I'd give it to him, I finally just sent him the info and let him read. Scary for me because I certainly didn't write anything here with his feelings or consumption in mind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

How are we doing?

Good question. I don't know. I mean, if you'd asked that question at various times in the last 9 months, I would have had a pretty clear indication of the badness or non-badness of the direction we were heading, but at no point did it feel good -- just bad or not bad.

Right now, that little voice in the back of my head that's been screaming non-stop "They're still in contact" or "He's lying" is curiously silent, and I think that's freaking me out more than anything.

I want to jump up and down and kiss him for the NC letter, but I'm still afraid to trust it somehow, so I don't (jump and kiss, that is), which, I know, doesn't help him any. So he watches my posts here to find out what I'm thinking or feeling in much the same way that I used to snoop in his private email to see what was going on with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

We have communication problems. The things we most want and need to hear from each other are the things we spend the most time hiding and avoiding talking about. Some of it, of course, has come up in discussion, but we're just not good at talking openly about a lot of things -- at least with each other. That leaves us both guessing about where we stand.

We've had one session with Steve, back in Nov, but both of us cringe at the almost $200 fee per session, even though I think it would do us good to keep going. The financial reality of things is that I'm not sure it's going to happen.

I've read SAA and parts of HNHN. H asked about them the other day, and I did pull out my copy of SAA, but I didn't give it to him.

And just to add a complication to things here. H is military. All we've heard for weeks now is that they expect to be mobilized, which means he could be gone for the next year. Kind of puts the whole "works out of town 4 days a week" thing into perspective, you know? A couple of weeks ago, I was absolutely certain we weren't going to make it through this. Now, it just scares me to death because I love him and I want to, but don't know.

I hate the uncertainty, and that's not something either of us can fix.

Mere

<small>[ February 13, 2003, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: Merentha ]</small>

To add a little something to this. W and I talked on phone after she posted. I think things are going well. We are still on an up hill climb and have some other issues we are dealing with but mostly lack of communication like she said. Both of us have made some big strides in that area in the last week because we have both gotten to the point of being
ready for radical honesty with each other. I recieved several phone calls from OW that went unanswered. It took me a couple of days to confirm the first to her which she had already figured out but I told her with out coaxing on her part. And even though I felt uncomfortable about telling her each time OW tried to contact(mostly because I know it made her uncomfortable) I did so. If you have seen any of the treads she has previously posted tou will know that (in my W words) I was trying to make fence sitting an olympic event.
It took 2 months of NC with OW for me to get over her and be able to sit back and realize just how much damage I had done to my R with W. It's going to take a long time for me to gain some respect and trust from her and while I'm not perfect and there are other isssue mostly differance of opinion between us I am trying to live up to not doing things she feels are LB stuff and she is trying to meet me half way on some of the differance of opinion things. This new problem I have of being gone for up to a year is going to be tough but I think we have a good start going and will make it through in the long run at least I am looking forward to it. For any of you out there who's S is out of the fog one thing that has made me do a major turn around was reading W's posts cause even though she may have said it to me it took seeing it in B&W for me to realize just how much I hurt her and I am doing my best everyday to try and make up for it.