I found a card, unsigned, nice Hallmark Card, really cute:

Outside:

XOXOXOXOXO

Inside:

Until next time

Being that I have not received a card from my wife since early July of last year I can only assume:

It's a going away present for me
It's a card for the OM.

What do you all think?

th:

You sound so pessimistic. Why do you think NC is out of the question? It may take a while, maybe even a LONG while, but I wouldn't call it out of the question. My W thought she ended her A in 11-2001. I found out in 1-2002. Still no NC agreement. But she knows I need it eventually. I can't demand it, though. I want my W to WANT it more than I do. If she chooses NC on her own, it will mean that much more to me to be able to trust her than if she does it because I keep asking for it.

I'd wait and see who gets the card. Then talk to her about it.

Yes, my W also has said "I'm still here" and "Why do you think I stay?" and at the same time, contact continues. But the bottom line is that it DOES mean something that she's still here.

I wish you all the best,
-Qfwfq

Wow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm getting a card from my wife for V-Day.

Is that better? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, a little pessimistic, I guess the week was a bad one. It just hurts to watch my wife walk around the house with such a sad look on her face. I do think that she is trying, really hard at times......but, there are times that I also feel that she is walking out the door. Those are the thoughts that kill me even though I have accepted thae fact that she may.

I guess the real reason is taht I had forgotten all my little inspritional cards I carry with me know to pull my mind back to reality. Sorry I was so pessimistic, I do try to keep a positive attitude most of the time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Not meaning to thread-jack but qfwfq you sum up my feelings exactly:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Still no NC agreement. But she knows I need it eventually. I can't demand it, though. I want my W to WANT it more than I do. If she chooses NC on her own, it will mean that much more to me to be able to trust her than if she does it because I keep asking for it.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just wanted to say thanks - good to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.

And trusting her - good luck for tomorrow - I'm sure lots on here are wondering whether their WS will be sending a card to OP - I'm sure OM will send my W one...

So I finally asked about the card.

She replied that I was snooping again. Yes, I
was.

She said that the XOXOXOXO was tic tac toe and that she had bought it for a female friend, but....becuase pictures would not fit in it that she put it back on the shelf at the gift shop where she works.

Tic Tac Toe?

imposed on blue blocks and not the typical Tic Tac Toe grid, with "Until Next Time" inside.

Someone please get out the 2x4 and knock some sense into me.

I don't know if this helps, but I have 4 or 5 'lovey dovey' hallmarks at home, unsigned, onhand for when those little events pop up that you need a card and don't want to run to the store.

Her story doesn't really seem to make much sense to me as an outsider. I'm not calling her a liar, I'm just saying I'd have a hard time buying into that excuse.

I'm not as nice as JohnnyB... she is a liar!

Come on, does any part of that story make sense? No!

Tic Tack Toe... BS

She put it back on the self... BS

It is so sad the way we fool ourselves because we want so badly to believe that things are not what they appear.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Conan:
<strong>I'm not as nice as JohnnyB... she is a liar!

Come on, does any part of that story make sense? No!

Tic Tack Toe... BS

She put it back on the self... BS

It is so sad the way we fool ourselves because we want so badly to believe that things are not what they appear.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No fool here, just that wee bit of comapssion that lingers in me heart that still wants to believe her. But.......that was the ringer. Tic Tac Toe, and I'm still reiding in the turnip truck.

The questions was posed only after she was angry at me. I very casually mentioned that the children miss her and it was like a ballistic missle being launched from our bedroom.

Can't you see the children miss you.

She began screaming, no words, just screaming at the top of her lungs. Ran out of the bedroom across the living room still screaming. Entered the girls bedroom, ran into the son's bedroom, back across the living room, still screaming, sobbing. Veins and vessels and in neck and face bulging with blood. Back into our bedroom and into the bathroom, slamming the door.

Upon entering the bathroom she finally lashes out at me.

I know what you're trying to do!

You're trying to make me feel guilty!

You're trying to lay a guilt trip on me!

You're trying to use my children against me!

How dare you try such a thing! It's not going to work!

I did kiss her goodnight later and tell her that regardless of what happens I still love her.

The truth hurts sometimes, doesn't it? Trusting, I don't really know your story, but are you in Plan A? Have you tried to identify her needs that the OM is meeting and started meeting? Do you think there is something lacking in your marriage that would propel her to get her needs met elsewhere? Have you considered counseling with the Harleys?

ah, now I remember! I didn't recognize you with that capital "T", trusting! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MelodyLane--
The truth hurts sometimes, doesn't it?

Yes, I guess it does. She told me in no short terms that I hit a nerve. I just wonder why the violent reaction.

She told me once that I had abandoned our children. I took that statement with a shrug. Yes, I have made mistakes, not spent enough time with our children in the past, but that has and continues to change. Her statement was not true in my opinion so it did not hurt.

Plan A?

Yes, Plan A but no doormat. Needs are being met to the best of my ability and income. FS appears to be a big one for her. Due to my lack of financial disipline and dysfunctional childhood I have a lot to learn. I am learning. Can she handlethe finances better than me? Yes she can, but she adamently refuses to take them.

Have you tried to identify her needs that the OM is meeting and started meeting?

Recreational Compaionship, Conversation.

Recreational compaionship is not in her "Comfort Zone" yet. Conversation, well, we do talk about the kids, but that is it. I was massaging her feet Thursday night and asked, "Tell me about your day", she yawned. Working on the other foot I asked, "Was there anything intresting that happened to you today", she yawned again.

But.....when I finsihed with her feet. She got up and called her best friend and talked for 40 minutes.

Do you think there is something lacking in your marriage that would propel her to get her needs met elsewhere?

Yes, confession and forgiveness. Out side of that, the FS. Things are definately better, with only a few hiccups here and there sometimes. But those hiccups kill me in her eyes.

Have you considered counseling with the Harleys?

Yes, still trying to get to the point where I can afford it. But she refuses joint counseling. She told me last night that her IC told her that she did not have to go to JC until she was ready. Or not go at all if she did not feel like it.

I'm just trying to figure out the violent outburst over a simple true statement.

Yes, that's me. I did not know I could use big T's when I first registered. Those little improper caps were killing me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />