The part that I don’t think I will ever, and I mean ever, think I will be over the fact that my wife(WS) just walked away like she did. We haven’t spoken in over two months and that is not by my choice but hers. I am probably going to sit down and write a letter in the next few days but I have been waiting for me to feel ok to write a letter. I don’t want the letter to be even more of a downfall for me.
When I think that she just walked away the way she did and if I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I don’t think I am ever going to get closure or ever have that inner peace where I am ok with it. I may be better at hiding it but it is always going to be there tucked some where inside of me. And with not shedding this I will have this burden the rest of my life. Does anyone ever feel there is closure or inner peace with oneself? Or does that never happen. I am beginning to believe more and more with every day that there is no closure or inner peace and this is just one of those cruel things in life you ask why me? And you wish it was someone else and not you……

cg:

I think it will take time, but you will find peace and closure. Remember that your plan A efforts, and your C experiences (and your reading) has made you a better person than you were before D-day.

You'll never look at relationships the same way again. You'll be a better partner. It's still possible that your W will be your partner again, but even if she's not, you'll be able to have a healthier, happier relationship with someone else.

If you can, try thinking back to how you felt and reacted at various points in time after D-day, and compare them with the way you feel you are doing now. I know that when I look back, I have to admit I'm doing much better than I was early on in the game. Not only that, but when I get right down to it, if my W hadn't had an A, and I hadn't found out about it, I wouldn't have done all the soul-searching I have done. Not that I'm quite ready to say "thank you" to her for having the A! I guess the point of all this is to look inward and ask yourself "what have I learned from this experience? How have I grown?"

best regards,
-Qfwfq

For me, the closure came when I could actually say that yes, I DID do everything I could do to save my M. That took some time, let me tell you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It didn't actually hit for me, until October 2002 (I started plan A around mid March 2001, and had a false recovery inbetween).

Granted, with my H being sexually addicted, and once I learned more about that, THAT helped me to see that there was never anything I could have done to save my M anyways. It was always up to H.

It's the same with any WS really.... that it's up to them. That whole, "we can only change ourselves and cannot change them" thing. I guess that the closure doesn't come until it hits you logically AND emotionally, in sync with each other.

Karen

No, I do not believe there is ever anything approaching inner peace. The pain may dull a little compared to that within the first few days or weeks after the desertion, but I can say that I do not feel any better than I did a month or so after my H left (almost 4 years ago), and in many ways it is far, far worse. With each additional cruel action he inflicts upon his family, each time he does something to try to make sure that his children do not have enough to live on, even enough to eat; each time I recall the loving father he used to be - the transformation from that to the cruel, heartless person he is today hurts more than ever.

Absolutely nothing positive has come out of this. Nothing. I used to be a fairly optimistic person who believed that the majority of people were basically good. Now I know that is not the case - no one can be trusted, and a large proportion of people are thoroughly evil. There are only a handful of choices I have made in my life that I do not regret - and of course the biggest mistake was even going on a second date with my H. My children's lives have been destroyed; the older ones want nothing to do with him and the younger ones have even given up begging him to spend more time with them.