This is an excerpt from "Self Matters" by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. It really hit home with me when I first read it. So much so, that I typed it out, and printed it out so I could read it whenever I needed the lift.

I believe that it's inspirational in doing plan A for YOU. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Let me know what you all think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

"Hey, wait a minute here. Screw the expectancies; screw living for everyone else. They (whoever 'they' are) don't pay my rent, they don't come home with me at night and bathe my kids and cook my dinner! Why, then, am I living for what I think some ill-defined bunch of people expect of me? They don't get a vote anymore. I will no longer give my power away. I want it back, and I'm going to use it to be me.

"I want to make me happy by being true to myself doing what I care about. If I love music, I want to have music in my life. If I'm tired of being fat, I want to prioritize that change into my lifestyle. If I'm not being treated with dignity and respect, that's not okay, not now, not ever. I would rather be alone than sick with someone else. If I miss God being in my life because my husband is not spiritual, then he will need to adjust, not me. I'm tired of being scared all the time. Scared about kids, money, job, boss, parents, and acceptance. I want some upside here. I want to feel alive. I want to feel valued by others and myself. I want to get up in the morning, instead of dreading it. I want to have tremendous clarity about why I am in this world and what I am supposed to do while I am here. I want to realize this is not a dress rehearsal; it is my life, my one shot. I want my kids to know and have all of me instead of some half-assed counterfeit. I want them to really see all of the real me, my interest, my sense of humour, my values. I believe that children learn what they live, and I want to teach them by example to be proud, instead of showing them how to compromise. I want to live with peace, fulfillment, joy, and excitement. I want to be able to finish a day and say that the day 'felt really good.' I want to be able to say that I am proud of me and proud of what I did today. I want to be able to say, 'I like who I am and what I'm all about.' I want to feel calm and peaceful. I want to feel satisfied. I want to be able to say, 'I feel good.' I want to feel like I belong and I deserve what I want just because - just because! I want to like me for being there for me and putting what's important to me on my priority list."

Karen

Topie,

Wonderful excerpt!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I'm not being treated with dignity and respect, that's not okay, not now, not ever. I would rather be alone than sick with someone else. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is the very thing that made me take action in removing myself from an unhealthy marriage over 17 years ago! I removed myself and my children from a deplorable existence. I did not abandon the marriage, the marriage abandoned me with all the craziness that was going on within it. I knew that I could only control myself. I had no control over a situation where alcohol, infidelity and abuse ran rampant. I made the choice to leave. To stay would have meant that I chose to stay. My children and I deserved so much better and it was up to me to take action.

Do I regret it? Not on your life! ( My life depended on it.) Did it take me long to decide? Only about 24 hours of vigilant thinking. Did it take me long to act on it... Can you count to 10?

EVERYONE has a choice.

Thank You for posting that. It needs to be read and absorbed.

committed

<small>[ February 13, 2003, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

Thanks Topie25.

I need that today, tomorrow, next week,..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

landslide

Topie,

Read it trying to live it. I think it takes practice.Plan A is so slow.

Thanks, Kathy

Part of What Dr. PHil is stating too in his book is the control. Who is controlling your life, you or someone else? This book of his is soo... important to read.

We are the only ones who can make changes, yes, we may get screwed by our spouses, but you know what, so what. This will only make us stronger, and not so vulnerable in the long run. This is so true, I didn't for so long believe that I was a good person. I wanted to end my life. But now I don't. I know that I am a wonderful person, and what has helped me is a group session I am attending for 12 weeks. Only had session 2 last night. To hear what others say, and to go through the wheel, and to express hurt, and able to cry without having the fear of being rejected. I can see why 6 people returned from last group.

We the betrayed are good people. We were faithful to our spouses, and we took Gods vows and kept them. Our wayward spouses, didn't do as God said. And divorce is not in Gods words. My husband said that God allows divorce, he is mistaken, and I don't contradict his word anymore. Why when it only causes anger in him. Cause his mind is set at reading the bible his way. But I know God does not like divorce, and no where in the bible does it say he is for divorce.

God wants us to work on our marriages, and if those who are divorced, only then can they marry their spouses. God does not accept divorce, therefore you spouse will be the only one you marry. My husband says he will marry again. If he does, then that is his problem. He will be sinning again.

Dr. Phils program is so good. He is down to the facts and actually a very good speaker. All his books are good. And his son is going into the same field. Dr. Phil was told he would not succeed, but he proved wrong. I am going to prove to my husband that he is wrong in wanting this divorce, and I know that my husband is wrong. Plan A, and working at it.

I don't have the opportunity to watch Dr. Phil's show & I haven't read Self Matters, but I love Relationship Rescue. He has a way of cutting through the pile-up of pain, frustration, & fear to get to what is important.

Thanks Topie for posting this.