First off Cali don't apologize you reacted in a way you felt at that moment and you don't have to apologize for that.
I used to post here but I left because I didn't like what it was turning into. It's like high school cliques. I still read through every few days or so and I watch newbie after newbie get no answer and fall right off the page. Unless you are in the elite group here or so loudly obnoxious that you have gone from 0 to 300 threads in less than a month, then no one listens to you.
This is supposed to be a MARRIAGE BUILDERS discussion forum. I'm rather tired of watching it be an OW forum and a woe is me forum and an enablers forum.
I have signed myself and my spouse to attend one of the MB seminars, but this is making me reconsider. I can't imagine that the Harley's approve of the route this has taken and it saddens me to know that so many get no support here.
Cali is one of the sweetest, helpful, and brave women here. So she did something you don't like. get over it. People offend me with their postings daily and I don't answer by saying oh dead I can't believe you did that. Cali, Resilient, WAT, K, Chris, TrueHeart. Orchid,and a few others are the only thing that kept me sane throughout my ordeal with the A. All the blessings of God are sent to them each day and night by this humble person. You may not always like what you read but these people give the best advice and never try to hurt people.

Here, here.
I am also a recovering BS who has be in recovery long enough to appreciate varing veiwpoints and opinions. I visit several other sites, including the afore-mentioned.
I also know Cali. I think she did not wish for the betrayed here to be harmed by the WANDERING POSTERS words and thought she would find help there. Believe me I have learned alot at both this and their site. But a newly BETRAYED would certainly not enjoy the debated issues there.
Cali certainly meant no harm.

Without-a-doubt,Before you read this,I realize that you cannot see my facial expressions,hear the tone of my voice nor do you know me and the kind of personality I have so I will tell you that nothing I say is said with any negative feelings,malice or being rude in any way.I am an humble person with a very loving,caring manner.I am a Christian who believes that means to be "Christ like."So I hope you do not take what I say wrong.

I sure hope you do not decide to cancel the MB seminar because of anything.Not this forum,anything any poster says or for any other reason.The seminar would be to help you and your M and to cancel because of something said here would be really sad and self defeating.It is sad that you feel so negative about the forum.Everyone here is going through stages and some are at different ones at different times.
I have gone through many stages myself since my H's A.I have always been a very caring,forgiving person.I was even nice to the OW.I tried to console and witness to her but to no avail.Yet,I have recently gone through the "getting in touch with my anger" stage and this has been the only place that I have felt safe enough to deal with those feelings.Instead of LBing I found it a building process to come to the people who I THOUGHT,would understand what I was feeling and going through.(Even Christ became angry and ran the money changers from the temple.Frustrated when the disciples woke him from His much needed sleep when the storm was threatening.He says be angry but sin not.)Sorry if any of my posts have offended you.

I am VERY reluctant to post an answer to anyone for the very reason you posted. So afraid of offending someone.There are times when a person is in need of advice,times when they need validation and times when they just need to let out some of the pain,poison and agony.There are articles,questionares,counseling and more on the site for help in rebuilding or to strengthen a marriage.

Again,please do not allow anything or anyone to influence you to cancel the seminar.This forum is merely a.....

Forum,a noun. Definition- A place for or occasion of public discussion.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
PEACE.

Without,
I hope it is OK if I addrress some of what you have said.

I came here about a year ago, started posting last May. In the beginning, I posted all around and to many new people. Now I find that I don't have time to do that.
Why?
Much of my time is spent posting to people that I have been working with for quite a while. By the time I post to them, I simply run out of time. I often wish I had more hours, but I don't. I work full time and take care of my own W and children as well as I can. I probably spend 2 hours a day - many days, but can only do so much. I have thought much about what you have said, because many others here have commented about it over the year I have been here.

I wonder if it is the same with others. I wonder if it is that they feel they owe time to those they have been corresponding with, and they run out of time and have none left to spend with some of the newer posters. I have often taken phone calls as I was planning to post to someone and never gotten back. Both to old friends, and to newer posters.

It is probably easier for me to be here than for many, because I am self employed, but many punch a clock and can only post on breaks and lunch time. It pains my heart also to see threads with slow or no answers, I wish I could do more.

Perhaps you could come by often and help, you seem to have experiance? I am not trying to be funny, just asking.

( later edit)
Also, sometimes I don't post because I don't know what to say. It's not that I don't care.

SS

<small>[ February 13, 2003, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

This confuses me:

"and I watch newbie after newbie get no answer and fall right off the page."

... Did you post to these neglected newbies yourself?

"This is supposed to be a MARRIAGE BUILDERS discussion forum."

... OK .... lets discuss marriage building. I have found that in my marriage, I was not open to hearing my H's fears. My EN was to have a strong male who made me feel protected. This made it difficult for H to express any weaknesses he had. This was a major reason for the breakdown in our M, that led to H having an A.

I have to be open to hearing things I don't want to hear.

Any comments on this as a marriage building concern?

PEPPER, When I first met and married my husband I was still healing from a terribly abusive first marriage. Although it had been several years and I had been seeing a therepist, my husband didn't really discuss his problems with me as he should have. He said later that he wished to protect me from any more pain. So when his ex disappeared with his daughter he started discussing this with a co-worker and famoly friend whose husband was dying. He never talked to me about his pain and fears for his daughter,(she has been missing for 8 years), no matter how hard I tried to discuss it.
This led to emotional intamy between them which in turn led to the affair. It was only after when I made therapy a condition of his return that he understood what he had done. If he hadn't had help he would never have recovered.
And I don't know truly if I was really emotionally stable enough then to support his pain either. He never gave me the chance to find out. Just let me continue to think of him as unbreakably strong-my knight! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Believe me, he knows now that we are a team. We deal with everything together. Not even as a couple, but as one! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Cherise - good for you. You two are ONE! That is what marriage builders wants every couple to do, go through the trials and tribulations and get down to the nitty gritty. To find that love that brought you two together in the first place. To find that intimacy that brought you two together in the first place. To find that kiss that brought you two together in the first place. That is what marriage builders is about. Finding that lost love, that you two had, and lost.

I wish all spouses would be caring and loving and show their spouses affection and love. But that is for each spouse to consider in their attempt at working on the marriage. My wayward spouse has decided he doesn't want the marriage. He found another woman in his life that he tought was the greatest. Well, he now knows that she was using him and that she is not a good honorable woman, especially a christian. Christians don't have sex outside of their marriage with anyone. This was her 2nd sexual affair in her marriage. A good messge was given to me tonight about christians. And she didn't fit the bill at all.

Anyways, Cali I have read her posts many times. She is a caring woman, a wonderful person that has helped many of us. We all have probably said something that offended someone. God gives us the power to forgive, and that is what we need to do, forgive this person, if they offended you, and move on. God was not perfect and we are not perfect. Goodnight.

Thank you without-a-doubt and others.

I took no offense and I meant no offense... I truly searched my heart and listened to the criticism posted and REALIZED that while my intent was pure... it probably wasn't the best decision.

I am in a book group @ church. We went through "Hiding From Love" and "Safe People." I am learning to discern that criticism from safe people is constructive and that I can learn from it... the other I can safely walk away from (or not reply to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

It is good to have people who can call you on your decisions and allow you to rethink them. I am thankful that God put them there for me. Those who condemn without the same knowledge of me... well... time and patience... no?

Hugs and prayers to all.

Cali