The other night I drove by my H's girlfriend's apartment where he is living with her and to my surprise they were moving out. We have 3 children and he didn't even tell me and won't tell me where they are living now. We are still married, he treats me like the girlfriend instead of his wife and still does not know what he wants. We go out toghether and he constantly lies, he even came home for 2 weeks and lied to the OW that he was home. He won't park his truck at the house, I have to pick him up all the time.

So Goldi, why do you think he moved? More importantly what do you think you need to do?

How are the children?

L.

<small>[ February 13, 2003, 11:19 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

From what I know she is trying to get her 3 daughters, she hasn't had them since she got divorced a couple of months ago, her ex has them. What I heard she needed a bigger place. My H hasn't been working since we got into an accident, claims he hurt his neck, but I don't think he is hurting. He could go out drinking every night. He doesn't have excess to our money, when he needs money I give him maybe 20 or 40 that is it and he blows it on drinking. So he does not help her with rent, food etc...
My kids are a mess, my older son walks around like he is sick all the time and says I didn't leave them, dad did and says he doesn't have a dad anymore, because he never calls them or takes them anywhere. My younger son thinks everyone hates him, 1 day he hates his father and the next me. He tells me he hates me. I hate the pain I caused for everyone, but I am trying to be strong, but it is not easy, especially my H still dragging me around with him and then lying to his OW so she doesn't think he is with me or comes here. Why does he continue to be with me and lie to her about being with me? If he didn't love me he wouldn't even try, it would be over and thats it. And she believes him. Why does he keep hanging on to me and leading me to believe there is a chance with us? How do I make myself be a better person when I got to put up with all this?

gold...wanted to butt in and talk about the children...

What they are doing is pretty normal. The oldest one right now pretty much is angry at the world along with his dad. The younger one is still in a lot of confusion. Quite often it is the parent which is THERE which receives the blunt of the anger the children are dealing with. You're the SAFE parent! The one they know they can count on. The one they know isn't going to up and leave them. So they can safely express their sorrow, pain and anger.

I realize how hard it can be on the parent who must deal daily with these issues when they did nothing to bring them on...but you are doing GREAT! You are allowing them to express their emotions, you are validating their right to feel as they do, you are helping them heal!

WS who like that position of being on that fence, keeping both spouse and OP as options...will continue to do so as long as they can. They HATE making a decision which they can't back down from, they will do almost anything to keep the statis quo, giving each just enough to keep them hanging on....and never fully committing to only one. Until someone risks knocking them off that fence onto possibly the other side...nothing much will change.

Good Luck!