Hello to all of you giving me such much needed support!

Well, here goes. Last night (while I was on MB), I get a phone call from H. He said "Can I come over and stay there?" He had been drinking, I could tell, but I said yes.

He arrived 20 minutes later and I was so nervous. First thing I said was "are you all right?". Then, I asked what happened.

Seems when he was here on Thursday, I got some lipstick on his shirt collar (isn't that a shame, and yes, I did it on purpose). OW found the lipstick and immediately started with some major LB's. Didn't talk to him all day Saturday, and was hanging all over other men at the bar Sat. night.

On Sunday, she asked him if he was mad at her, then she said she had some "issues" and told him about the lipstick. He said he of course denied everything, said he was at work all day Thursday.
He went on to say "she always told me she said what was on her mind, but she didn't, just tried to p#ss me off". (Is he starting to see the light?)

Anyway, last night he said he was talking things over with his son and decided to pack up and move out. He had first started to think about this on Sat. When he went to her house to get his stuff, she wasn't there but had locked him out with a lock he didn't have a key to. He broke his key off in the lock trying, so he had no way to get in.

Well, we talked, we talked about our kids, about loving each other, about how to start over. He is very concerned about my family's reaction (parents and brothers). I tried to tell him it didn't matter, it was my decision, not theirs, but it really bothers him (I think he is embarassed by it all). He said he had been trying to figure out a way to get out of the situation. Now, understand too, that he was pretty drunk at the time, but we talked the best we could. I told him I would support him through everything.

We both had a hard time sleeping last night, but he was very loving, holding me, and telling me he loved me.

This morning, I knew he was depressed, very quiet and withdrawn. I told him I understood his inner turmoil, and would work with him with it. I then read him a few statements from SAA about withdrawal. It didn't help either that he checked his voice mail and told me he had 6 messages from her. He listened to them, kind of laughed, but didn't call her back either.

It was a very quiet morning, I just tried to be supportive of his mood. I told him last night and today I wanted him to move back in with me, but he said he has to do this slowly, he will stay with his son for awhile, but we will spend time together. He said not to push him. I told him I thought we needed to be together to work through this, but I would try to respect that for now. I also told him I would not give him up again and I would fight dirty with her if I had to. He asked me not to do that. He said he got himself into this and he would get himself out. I kept trying to reassure him that I would be with him every step of the way.

Now for my devious part! When H went to BR, I checked his voice mail again. She had left him 4 or 5 more messages, every 15 minutes, asking him to call her, saying she was worried about him, and how much she loved him. She also told him she didn't go to work this am. Well, needless to say, I deleted all the messages. I then erased his voice mail message and recorded my own "Hi, this is errn, leave a message". Well, I checked it again and there was one hang up, no further messages the rest of the day.

I told him earlier that he better be prepared for the crying and I love you's if she was there when he went to get his things and he said he knew she would be like that but he was still moving out. He further said if she knew he was with me it would be all over anyway. I asked if he was going to tell her and he said probably not, at least that was an honest answer.

He was here till late afternoon, and after he left, I erased my voice message and added a pre-recorded one. If he questions me, I will deny it.(he taught me how to do that well).

I am hoping she is totally pissed off!

Well, as I was typing this, I got 2 phone calls. One from H telling me he picked up his clothes and was at his son's. I asked if she was at the house when he got them and he said no. I asked him not to go to the bar tonight (she is working there) and he said "let me handle this my way, don't push". I told him ok, I love him, and I want him home, but I won't push.

Second phone call was from my best friend, a little added insurance. Seems she called OW, and very calmly told her she has been a friend of my H for a long time (true), and that she knew all about the A. Told her "you did know he was married, so you are messing with another woman's husband", went on to say "I know he is still in love with his wife" and told her she came by last night to drop off something and saw his truck here, so she didn't stop. She said she came back this morning, again to drop off, and it was still there, so she said she knew he spent the night here.

She went on to say we have been seeing each other, going to lunch, and he has been here at the house many times. She said "you know what you need to do, this is a married man who obviously loves his wife".

My friend said she was very calm while she was telling her all this, told her she was just giving her information she needed to hear. She said OW seemed shocked and almost tearful and thanked her.

Now I guess I just have to wait to see what she says to him if he sees her tonight. He told me not to call her and I didn't. I can't be responsible for what other people do. I will vow complete innocence!!

Maybe this is playing dirty, but so was the A.

I also called and talked to my step son's fiance today, that is where H will be staying. I hadn't talked to her since all of this began. I didn't want to put them in the middle or to think I was trying to get information and I explained this to her. I asked for her support and she readily gave it to me. Said she had been praying for things to work out.

I also asked for her and his son to be supportive of him, as I know it will be difficult for him and she agrees to that also.

I hope this is the start of recovery. It may be a long, hard road, but I'm willing to make the sacrifices. If it backfires, I will be devistated and will need all of your support!

Thanks for listening and for any comments!!

errn,

You are a Venusian lady ... lol , a lipstic trick ... how about spraying perfume inside his coat ? ... lol !. Don't feel dirty, WH is your husband stil, nothing you did compare to what OW did to you. You seek nothing in revenge but just let her know that he is still your and let her up the challenge. You could confess to WH way later when both fo you recovered your M. You are doing good, let OW LB'ed. Stay on course since you know sooner or later A will end.

Now what you need to do is make yourself atrractive both physically (get a new trim & manicure & new outfit) and emotionally (revisit yout plan A & fix it).

This is a 'coaster ride ... WH are negotiating with you how to continue his A. What I would do is get him to tell you what his plan when he say he handle it his way ... two basics reasoning here. 1. You act as concerned W want to support your H as much as you can. 2. If his action doesn't match his word, you know what is still going on.

Good luck, check Venusian Lady link on my signature.

-rh-

While I don't blame you even a little bit...beware, you've started a very dangerous game and you're playing for very high stakes. I pray you're as good at lying as he has been.

I do think it's a good idea that your H moved in with DS and FDIL...he needs to get his act together and while he's not "on his own" he's not living with a woman either. So this is a big plus.

You need to have a recovery plan in place or at least some general guidelines you can both agree upon before he moves back in.

Good Luck!!!

You need to set boundaries too. Don't be a doormat to your husband. Make this effort equal on both parts. He has to make a committment, and you need to make a committment. That is when it will work, when both want to make a lifetime committment.

Good luck. Good thing he has somewhere to stay, and you informed the young lady of where you two are. Good for you. They need to know, since they are involved with the living conditions.

Ernn,

U've got what it takes.... making them LB each other without even being there. Good job.

I may get flamed for the above statement but I am not sorry she put the lipstick on his shirt. In my case, I led the OW and WS to believe stuff that well..... she claimed to be 'scared' (it was a ploy by the OW to have the WS knight in tarnished armor to come to her rescue). Well that backfired. The stuff I had said was credible and questioned even by others (in various professions,etc.). Now the fact that the OW claimed she didn't feel safe and felt she had to always look over her shoulder (I did not threaten violence or anything like that, I merely raised a few questions).......the OW played it up and it backfired.

I told the WS that the OW should always look over her shoulder as long as she is being immoral. Then added, because you never know..... Those in the A hate it when the BS doesn't finish their sentences..... LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now Ernn, how are you doing?

L.

Thank you for all of your comments!

Last night was a bad night for me. I didn't hear anything from H and I couldn't sleep. I knew he went to the bar where she was working, and I kept imagioning all kinds of scenarios.

I wondered if she confronted him and was he upset with me. I wondered if he went home with her or to his son's like he said he would. Well, the lack of sleep and anxiety made my emotions raw.

I left a voice mail for H and asked how he was doing, said I wasn't doing so well. This morning I talked to him and asked if we could have lunch, that I wanted to talk to him. He said he thought we talked things out yesterday and what was wrong with me.

Well, we met for lunch, and he confronted me about the call to her. She thought it was me. I told him I had promised him I wouldn't call her and I didn't. I said I had no idea who called since no one knew he had spent the night. I think he basically bought it cause he really didn't seem too upset about it.

I asked him what he told her and he said he denied everything (spending the night, seeing me, etc.) He said none of it is any of her business. He said he did move out as was his plan. From something he said in the conversation, I knew he was telling the truth about where he spent the night. He told me he was trying to let her down easy cause there were feelings involved. I told him, in a nice way and trying not to LB, what about your concern for my feelings when you left me. He said he WAS concerned about them.

He said he didn't like me being upset (guilt maybe?) and he felt like I was saying "I need you back to stop these feelings" and that was pushing him. I got a little tearful and just told him this has been a real rollercoaster ride for me, and that when you want something so badly, and yet have no control over it, it gets frustrating. He said he understood that.

I asked him how he would deal with the situation if it were the reverse and he said he didn't even know.

I further told him I realized I only had control of myself, that I had an appointment with a marriage counselor later this week, and that I was thinking about going back to school. He wasn't too crazy about the school thing, wanted to know why I wanted to do that. I said it would give me a new focus.

Back to his conversation with OW last night, she said to him "I feel like this is the end" and he told her "could be". I said why didn't you just say it is! I also said it was frustrating to me that we spent little time together, yet he sees her every night, and where was that going to lead. His reply was "familiarity breeds contempt".

He also went on to say he knew this was all coming with her, it was just a matter of time. I told him I knew it was coming too. I had told him something I had heard about her yesterday and he said he confronted her about it. I asked her response and he said she denied it. I said of course, just like you denied spending the night here. Then in a joking way, I said "two liars trying defend themselves". Even he had to laugh.

Bottom line, he just said give this time and don't push. He wants to continue to see me (of course) and I think I am OK with that for now. As I told him, you ARE still my husband.

We talked about his grandson and I told him I talked to FDIL and that I was going to try to maintain and build a relationship with his 2 sons and their families because I told him they are still my sons too. I also threw in a couple things FDIL said to me like she was praying for us and that with all the years we had spent together, you can't just walk away without trying. (he likes her alot and respects her opinions, said he talks to her alot too). Also figured if he knew we were talking, it might make him more likely to make sure he spent his nights there.

I am still tearful (lack of sleep), and on my way to work now. I am still hopefull however, and will continue to try. Have appointment with MC on Thursday, wonder if he is any good. I am seeing H for lunch after appointment.

Please keep the comments coming and I will continue to update. Thanks again!!