</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kuljey:
<strong>
just know that just as his choice is impacting you, your choice will impact him. the question is, what will your influence be?

i really want to understand that part. I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">then thats your choice, do you live that choice with the same conviction that your H is seemingly living his choice for Divorce?

when you begin to live as though your going to be married to him, that this can be fixed, that you are committed to it. it will impact him with the same impact that his choice is having on you.

i think its the difference between acting grown up about it and not. have you really discovered what you have done to create the world you live in? im not talking about the A, thats your husbands crap. but about your life, your relationship. what is it that created this world your living in.

I cant tell you how difficult it is for me to admit that the reason my wife treated me as though i was worthless, was because thats how I was acting.

I have really come to a place where i have realized that for me this is a journey of self,that i did through my own actions teach my wife exactly to do what she did. as did she teach me.

so when i change, how my wife is able to react and respond changes as well.

The answer is in you! stop looking at him he is treating you like you are teaching (allowing) him to treat you. change that and everything will change

OMG, you are good. Your advice..WOW.

Chazbutler, could I keep in touch w/u to bounce things that happen off you?

kuljey@aol.com

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kuljey:
<strong>OMG, you are good. Your advice..WOW.

Chazbutler, could I keep in touch w/u to bounce things that happen off you?

kuljey@aol.com</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I come here almost everyday, mostly during the week, i dont post as much anymore but if you put my name in a post i will almost always catch it.

my e-mail is on the website in my profile under staff. Edit: i guess that doesnt show up under profile anymore. id prefer to help you here anyway what we discuss may help others and me.

<small>[ February 22, 2003, 10:27 AM: Message edited by: chazbutler ]</small>

thanks chazbutler!!!

chaz, were you cheated on by your w?

i just want my WH home!!! So sad!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kuljey:
<strong>thanks chazbutler!!!

chaz, were you cheated on by your w?

i just want my WH home!!! So sad!!!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">depends on your definition of cheated on. Id say yes, she had a consuming relationship with another that she justified not spending time and being intimate with me over...a relationship that she put above our and a relationship that she was willing to accept rather than change herself. but it was with Sexual aversion and our children not some OM.

is Home a welcoming place? do you do things to make certain your home is a place he would want to come to? not feel obligate to be.

what is waiting for him at home? a warm generous lover and someone who admires him? or is it a weak, cold imbittered woman who acts needy and insecure?

is Home a welcoming place? do you do things to make certain your home is a place he would want to come to? not feel obligate to be.

what is waiting for him at home? a warm generous lover and someone who admires him? or is it a weak, cold imbittered woman who acts needy and insecure?[/QB][/QUOTE]

i dont have an answer right now. i guess, i am weak, needy, insecure!!!i am having serious anxiety and its so consuming right now.