Hello Everyone,
I have had a LOT goin on in the past couple of months. The last time I left you guys my WH had been arrested and I had just had D-day. Well to bring you up to date, my WH has been incarcerated since Jan. 7th. He has to serve 90 days and will be out of jail on Apr. 28.

The reason why he is in jail is because he was NOT supposed to be out of NYC without permission. My H used to sell drugs and is on probabation until 2005 from a 1996 drug arrest. He has NEVER been a drug user. During the time he was in SC he did not report to probation nor did they know where he was. So he was caught <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Prior to him going to jail as I said I found out about OW. Once I found about OW I decided that our marriage was OVER.

He was calling, calling, calling and I thought it was to humiliate me in front of OW. (Later to find out that she was never with him during those times when he was calling after speaking with her) She went on to tell me that after D-day he told her that she is trying to ruin his marriage, even though she didn't even know that he was married. She also told me that he told her that he wants his marriage to work but it may be too late. She asked him is he OK with that and he emphatically told her HELL NO! (SHE SAID)

I don't want to drag this on but to bring you up to date now I don't speak to the OW but once since the incarceration. He has told me that he "REALLY" wants to make our marriage work and he loves me, blah blah blah. Inside I wish I could feel what I thought I would feel if he ever said that to me. But I am like disgusted with him. I am fine with him as long as our conversations don't talk about "US." So what do I do now? How do I handle this? I still love him, but the "in love" is what I'm questioning.

Hiya luv! Remember me? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It seems as though both of our H's have been arrested in the new year (mine was arrested on January 3rd... for child porn possession... but he's out on bail, and the final trial probably won't be for another year).

You say you're not "in love" with your H, but that you still love him. That would say to me that your love bank isn't totally empty, and that maybe your M has a chance of recovering.

HOWEVER... there are two very good points in your situation. One: you have a few months to mull it all over in your head, and Two: it sounds as though the ball is in your court now (as to decide yes or no to aim for reconciliation).

It's great that you're starting to come to grips with what your final decision will be. There's nothing like being able to prepare yourself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Don't try and rush yourself into any decisions now. There is no need for that. And just because you feel that you still love (and care for) your H, does NOT mean that you must work towards recovery. You have already been doing that for many months now. And perhaps your H's time limit has run out?

Keep posting, and then hopefully by sharing your thoughts and feelings on here, it will help you to come to a more sound decision.

Karen

Hi Topie, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OF COURSE I remember you.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> HOWEVER... there are two very good points in your situation. One: you have a few months to mull it all over in your head, and Two: it sounds as though the ball is in your court now (as to decide yes or no to aim for reconciliation). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't feel as if the ball is in my court at all. I think that is part of the reason for me pushing him away. I don't believe he really wants to make the marriage work. I think he just doesn't want me to be with anyone else. I was with a friend of mine one day getting lunch (male friend) and I saw someone that he is acquainted with, and....u know the rest. So he may be feeling a bit jealous. Sometimes he's soooo pushy towards reconciliation and then other times he just acts as if he KNOWS we will be together and acts as if we are back together. That cockiness really makes me DISLIKE him.

When he acts like that, that is when I begin to feel as if he is having "contact" with a female because he's not so verbally persistent regarding reconciliation. I don't know if that makes any sense. I don't know but my Love Bank is very very low. What do you think? Could he be possibly trying to win me back and continue to cheat? PLEASE HELP ME ON THAT ONE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hi Luv-

I've wondered where you've been. How's your little one handling things?

You have grown SO much since the first time you posted. I am impressed with how STRONG you sound now.

Personally, you need to trust your gut. I think you're right. Husband thinks he has an entitlement to you and that you will never leave him. Until he KNOWS differently, he will treat you as a possesion and not a PERSON that deserves respect, AND BELIEVE ME, you do.

Focus on the type of life you want for you and your son. Is this possible considering your H's history. Does he still deal? Is he in a position that is healthy for you and uour child? Can you DO better for yourself? What is it you WANT form a relationship?

Start looking into these things. You'll find the answer you need.

Good luck and keep in touch. My thoughts are with you.

Hello

Ive been gone awhile too but happen to stop by MB today. Glad to know you are hanging in there. You sound much better, at least stronger. Im happy to hear that. Remember to take care of you and your family and trust in God, the rest will come.

Zoey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hello

Ive been gone awhile too but happen to stop by MB today. Glad to know you are hanging in there. You sound much better, at least stronger. Im happy to hear that. Remember to take care of you and your family and trust in God, the rest will come.

Zoey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hello

Ive been gone awhile too but happen to stop by MB today. Glad to know you are hanging in there. You sound much better, at least stronger. Im happy to hear that. Remember to take care of you and your family and trust in God, the rest will come.

Zoey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />