Landslide,
Just thought I'd ask if you the book yet...
I have one of the most stressful and yet good weeks of my recent life. H is softening...slowly but surely. Now, if only I could find a way to put the physical back into things. I am still very worried about his family influence, but I can handle things.
I was at the end of rope for the better part of the week -- got into a shouting match with my grad advisor (which I initiated -- NEVER in my life have I done this!!)over my thesis. To make matters worse, I initiated it in front of a bunch of other students. I was SO angry -- LIVID doesn't even begin to describe -- that I just let him have it. And you know what? Life went on. I wasn't thrown out of grad school or sent home.
I guess sometimes doing a complete 180 does work. And I think I made it clear that I am not a person to aggravate.
Standing tall and standing my ground.
Well, not much else new except for my friend who was in the hospital -- she is a very bad state. After the miscarriage, she has had complication that may result in partial hysterectomy (age 34) AND that jerk of guy she's with told her that they "won't have a future together." I can't give advice as every situation is unque, but what I can do is listen -- any time of the day or night. I feel so helpless, but I know my job is to help steady her emotionally and physically for the hard part to come. I am going to the Dr. with her on Tuesday to make sure she understands everything that he is telling her -- English isn't her first language, so she gets confused.
Anyway, Landslide -- hold your head high and pray the novena to St. Jude. He is the patron saint of lost causes and hopeless situations.
I have inlcuded you in my prayers this week, and I hope it has helped. My thoughts are with you.
1Red

Hi 1Red,

I'm back from a lovely military graduation in which my son received several honors. He has always taken what I call "the hard road" so it was so wonderful to see him honored by his drill sergeants and peers. He has gained such confidence in himself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I haven't gotten the book yet. I'm sometimes a procrastinator.

Things are going well. I feel strong and not afraid of what the future holds for me, no matter who is or isn't in it.

You are truly a good friend. That's such a great idea to go with your friend to the Dr. I think it is hard to remember everything the Dr. says even w/o a language barrier.

H is acting (somewhat) like nothing has ever happened. I have a lot of unanwered ?s about A. I doubt I will ever know more than I do now. I'm a little detached but not withdrawn. That seems to really work for me.

I decided I would take a leap of faith in the physical department, not daily but maybe every other day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It might be a kiss good-bye, or good night then, arm around while sleeping. So far none of my advances have been refused, but it still is taking a lot of courage some days.

It sounds like your new found confidence has spilled over into other areas of your life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Dr. Phil says that you teach people how to treat you. Maybe your grad advisor needed an attitude adjustment.

The things we are experiencing are making us stronger in all facets of our lives. We are becoming a force to be reckoned with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Week-ends are the hardest for me. You know the church thing. I'm not going to be concerned about it this Sunday. (Well, I'm going to try, anyway.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I shouldn't give ow that much power.

You take care and know you are always in my prayers,
landslide

Landslide,

I had a whole text prepared to post and then someone called and knocked me off-line!!!GRRR..

Sometimes it is better to be detached -- I think it allows for more "thorough" thinking. If we are always attached to a certain outcome, event, or solution then we can see no other way. So, in a sense, being detached allows for greater creativity.

Congrats on your son's graduation! I can feel the pride beaming from your post! Yous re lucky to have children -- we have none. I think it is too late for me now, but I would like to adopt, even as a single parent if that's what happens.

You know, part of my work is with a very well-known Rabbi (he's a student of mine) and he told me once that his Judaic interpretation of why God wants us to multiply is based on this: If we have children, we will no longer consider WAR -- what parent in their right mind would want their children to die? I thought it was a beautiful interpretation.

Well, it's another day and with this I have the possibility to make it even better than yesterday. I need to find some way to express a little contact -- I have read somewhere that the average person needs 14 "touches" a day to remain sane -- non-sexual physical contact. Less than that and we begin to act like feral animals.

I am treating myself to a day of nothing -- although my mind is racing 200mph. I am going to get some sun, read, pray, and relax.

All the best to you Landslide. You seem like a really neat person -- I wish we could sit down with a cup of coffee and chat. I guess that's the purpose of this board.

Keep me posted -- let me know how Church goes tomorrow. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
1Red

Hi 1Red,

Sitting down--having coffee--chatting w/1Red-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That is a beautiful interpretation the Rabbi has. If, however, we must go to war, most likely my son will have to go. He is such a brave soul.
He knows God will go with him and protect him.

I hope you did nothing today, absolutely nothing. You probably don't get many days like that. You deserve beaucoups.(My French is a little rusty.)

Thanks for the prayers for church. It is a shame that church is one of my worst triggers. No doubt Satan smiles at that. He is such a liar. He tricks us everyday into believing one of his many lies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

You sound like you would be a delightful parent. Who knows, that might indeed be part of your future.

I know you see me beaming about my children <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> They are miracles in my sadness. I must admit though, I'm becoming less and less sad thanks to you and the posts I read here.

Keep me posted concerning your friend. Some say the best way to deal w/ your own problems is to do something for someone else. Like you taking care of a friend. Sometimes reading all of the pain people in this board have to experience, I'm ashamed at my own whining, because things could be so much worse.

Better days lie ahead for us because we know we can handle whatever comes our way with God's help.

I'll let you know how church goes. Sleep well my friend.

In my prayers,
landslide

Hello 1Red,

Hope you're having a great day. Church was okay. I did not allow anything to upset me. I don't even know if H and EXow shook hands or not. (This is so elementary school, but yet our recovery might hinge on it.} I busied myself with a task for someone after the service so I was not around to see it if it happened or not.

Do you think I'm making too big of a deal out of it? I asked FWH what he felt when he saw her or shook her hand. He said, "Nothing, absolutely nothing." Do you think that is possible? I interrupted their EA by intercepting some email when I became suspicious. I don't know exactly how long it had been going on. At the most two yrs. At the least seven months. I'm not sure it even matters how long they were involved. It was selfish and sinful no matter how long or short. EAs are very entangling. He sure gave her up and fast. So fast that I'm wondering.... I think he knew I was stronger than when he did the same thing years ago. He knows I am not afraid to be on my own.

Maybe he doesn't avoid her because others might get suspicious about why he avoids her. Does that make sense?

I still think maybe I made a mistake by not letting the whole thing blow up in their faces.
I was just protecting my children from the wrath of this small town. I just don't know. Any thoughts? It really doesn't matter now. If H becomes involved w/ someone else, who knows what I'll do.

I guess if it happens again I should consider this time a long Plan A and should go to Plan B immediately.

I've rambled enough. Rambling is good....
Hope you got some rest this week-end.

In my prayers,
landslide

Gee, I don't know. You are absolutely right that a EA is more damaging than a PA...My H is in one right now and doesn't even KNOW it...that's how crafty she is...

I'm glad you held your head high at church today...if he sins it should fall on his shoulders. I had a wonderful call today from a counselor at my university. A psychologist who I know from my grad classes...SUCH A KIND MAN. We talked about everything from me to my friend..he asked if we could pray together; I said yes.

This guy will take care of things for my friend...somehow. He is so resourceful and kind that I feel he will also help her heal. Thanks be to God for providing someone who she can speak to in confidence and faith. I never prayed for someone like this to come to us, but he did -- so you never know who/what God will send your way.

Well Landslide, he is going out with his folks for dinner tonight -- I am completley excluded. Sad? A little. But at the same time, it shows their true colors. It is so funny -- the last time I talked to his mother (my MIL) she said "You don't know how much I care for you...I realy care about you...etc, etc. etc." And at the same time, she has totally ignored me for almost 3 months! She won't call the house or risk talking to me because she is so behind her son. Oh, right, that's care. One of my best friends wrote to me and said: "I don't know what is going on with you. I can understand if you don't want to talk about things. Just be assured that I am here for you any time of the day or night if you want to talk." THIS IS THE KINDEST THING ANYONE HAS SAID TO ME IN AGES.

So, I am going to wish "alien abduction" on my MIL. Not to worry, it'll never happen. But how cruel to be saying "Oh, I care so much about you..." and then not to call for almost 3 months. Hypocrites leave such a bad taste in my mouth. I hope she steps in dog poop and then tracks it into her new carpet...sorry that's the worst I can wish.

Bless you Landslide -- knowing that you are here keeps me going. I am trying MY BEST not to let H have`it -- I am so annoyed that I am being outcast again. I really want to verbally attack, but I am trying to hold back. Wish me luck.

1RED

Hello 1Red,

Just a note before my great escape (SLEEEEEEEEP).

I'm glad you had such an uplifting talk with the counselor you know. I believe God will send who/what we need just when we need it. Not before, just at the right time. When He taught the disciples to pray for "daily bread" I think He meant much more than food.

It sounds like your friend is in good hands. She is surrounded by people who care for her. I call those 'anchors'. Everyone needs at least one and your friend has her own team!

What about your friend contacting you at just the right time. If you think you could confide in them, what a blessing that would be. I don't have anyone I can talk to except the people on this board. They are enough and I am fortunate to have found them!.

Got to go,
Have a great week,
In my prayers,
landslide