Just got home with kids after a weekend at my folks, great B-day party for my 4 yearold! H called to see if we got home alright and he could tell that I had been crying, I was in my room upset because I still consider giving up the kids if we do D. I kept myself from saying anything, because I know that I only think that when I'm feeling especially low and lonely. He said he wouldn't keep me on the phone because he didn't want me to get more upset. He asked if he could still come up on tues. and possibly spend the night. I agreed. I'm trying to Plan A, he realizes I've been different the past week or so. I've just said that I still love him and wasn't giving up on our marriage yet. Should I write a letter or something to express how I feel? The kids and I could have stopped at his place on the way home today, (he's in the same state as my folks) but I decided to come straight home. He spent last night with OW and a couple of her female friends at his apt. "playing cards & games", I didn't get upset when he told me that. But it's so hard, it hurts so much to know that he'd rather do that than be at his daughters B-day party! That's when I feel how unfair it is that I have to do all the kid stuff, especially when I'm feeling the way that I am now. How can I even consider giving up my kids when they mean the world to me? Maybe I just want to have a little fun once in a while! I'm so confused, I want to hold to Plan A, and it hasn't been very long and already I'm wondering if I can do it. I always look forward to him coming to visit, should I try to get some time to spend alone with him or just do family stuff? I need some advice on how to proceed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by learnin:
<strong>He spent last night with OW and a couple of her female friends at his apt. "playing cards & games", I didn't get upset when he told me that. But it's so hard, it hurts so much to know that he'd rather do that than be at his daughters B-day party!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You should be honest with your self ... and word of warning here ... you are a doormatonly and only if you are still have huge issues to resolve about your M otherwise it is enabeling. Next time when WH told you (disrespect of M), you be smarter ... you should answer him back by telling that he missed his daugther B-day party and telling him what he is missing ... including a family birthday pictures.

How to proceed ?. Plan A is for you, regardless of your H, you need to fix whatever you have done to contibute to the environment that make A possible. Don't dwell on A or R, be very cheerfull and show it to WH that you get your groove back ... LOL !. Reward your self a bit, retail theraphy works wonder, get a hair do, get new set of make up, get a manicure ... your H is not capable to treat you well for now. Read Venusian Lady Story under my link, try one trick (dog trick ... LOL!) and if it works then be creative and do it full blast, he won't know what hit him.
-rh-

<small>[ February 23, 2003, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

The biggest thing I did was allow him to be away for so long, working out of state, home just on weekends, while I held down the fort, trying to make the best of it, anxiously awaiting for him to be able to work near home home. I was getting pretty burned out, but trying not to be too unhappy, cuz i figured it was just as hard on him to be away from me and the kids! What a fool I've been. I know we needed more time for fun, I'm not even sure what that is anymore! The few times I went down for overnights, we had a blast, but obviously I didn't go enough! I've gone out a few times with friends in the past few weeks, trying to make it appear that I'm not home waiting for him to call all the time. I really think we need time together, but I don't want to push when he's here.

rule of minimum 15 hours/weeks should be followed. Anyway for now, let him guessing ... don't answered on the first ring, wait at least three rings <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Go out there with same sex to relax !. Even a supermom need a break once in a while. Go out and buy scented candlesand a few new table decorations, a bottle of wine and a special home cook meal should be in place, get ready for his visit ... send you kids away for the night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> However the next day, you ask him to watch the kids and get disappear for few hours (at least 3 hours) away fom him & the kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Go to gymn or do your hair or do anything for yourself. When you are back, be very cheerful and let him ask ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

He is addicted to his new found sex kittens, he tries to bargain with you to see how far he could get away with it.

-rh-

I feel like I am letting him get away with it, but trying to get away from feeling like a doormat. If I do get some alone time with him, I'll feel so transparent in my attempts, and then if he doesn't respond, so rejected! I'll give it a shot, again. Last visit he was pretty cool, but I won't give up. What about a Plan A letter, what should I be telling him about where I'm coming from. Don't want it to sound like a "Plan", but on the other hand he has said that he doesn't know how the M could possibly get back on track after all this. How do I let him know how it is possible? How much about MB do I reveal at this point?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by learnin:
<strong>What about a Plan A letter, what should I be telling him about where I'm coming from.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope not at all. In plan A you states your history of love, your understanding of your mistake and promise to fix it, at last your beleive that both of you could make it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Don't want it to sound like a "Plan", but on the other hand he has said that he doesn't know how the M could possibly get back on track after all this. How do I let him know how it is possible? How much about MB do I reveal at this point?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't try to "teach" WH. Anything you say (to teach) WH is considered LB and controlling. However you could send WH a copy of SAA, annonomously to his work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> or leave a copy laying around the kitchen table <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . When he ask you tell him to read it since it helps you out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Don't reveal about this forum until WH is starting to come out from the fog.

-rh-