I've been waiting to post about this to make sure it was real. This is the third day I've felt this way and it's starting to scare me. I've had a contentment about everything and am realizing that my life is going to be good whether this works out or not. If my WW handed me D papers right now I would not be that upset. I am still going to do everything I can to save this M but if it doesn't happen I know the kids and I are going to be okay. The reason this scares me is that I think I should be caring more right now than I do. Is this a good thing or does it mean I'm getting tired of this and need to stop contact with my WW before it gets worse? SH warned me about being careful with my feelings so that I don't get to the point where I don't want to fight for this anymore and I can't tell if that's what's going on or if I'm just getting stronger emotionally.

Do you suppose your mums words may have planted some indifference into your head/heart and may have helped you stray off the path a little?
Especially since you have been tossing feeling like this for a few days.

sit back and breath.

<small>[ February 24, 2003, 10:27 PM: Message edited by: dinotopia ]</small>

That could definitely be the case. I was honestly going to post about this today even before the phone call because I haven't had the same emotions for one day let alone three days feeling the same way. It isn't really scary as much as it is odd to me. I don't know what to make of it.

You know ,I notice a lot in your posts, how much you care about your wife and love her. You arnt forgetting to love yourself through this are you?

your important in the big scheme of things too, maybe do something special for yourself .Give yourself a weee break and recoup some energy?? and enjoy the time.

Starman,

Just an opinion here.

It could be a lil of everything.
There is a reason why you are here. To learn, grow, become a better person. As you are changing your SP will see this, it is her Choice to work on the M as well.

Don't think to much into it. Trust me, you will know! You will know it and feel it w/everything that you are, wether or not to keep fighting or throw in the towel. (experience from 1st M)I dont' like the way it ended up, but I knew that I couldn't be w/a man that cared so lil to try.

I am a better person for it and lucky for my H now, he is reaping the rewards of all the knowledge I learned from here.

The most important thing right now is yourself and Your Children! Do something for your self, your kids. Enjoy them. Put your thoughts and concentration on them. You will be glad that you did.

Take Care,

VB

Thank you. You know I really think that this is a good thing. My resolve and love are as strong as ever but the fear of what may happen is gone to a big degree. I have been so scared for my kids since this started that it was making me a basket case. Because of this I was letting myself get treated worse than I should have. I have come to realize that I am and will continue to do everything I can to save my M and I will be able to have a clear conscience no matter how it turns out. My WW will be the one who will have to answer the questions her whole life about why she did what she did if she decides to stay on this course.

I think it's a good thing. It was for me, anyway. I had to get to a point where I couldn't count on my wife for anything. Who did that leave? Me. Your words say you're at the same spot. I also believe that this was the point where this thing we do began getting easier.

you've hit the stage we call acceptance. it doesnt mean you are giving up. it is a sense of peace you probably havent felt for a very long time. i remember it- i was at 3 months past d-day when it hit me.

Starman - I'm at the same place, feeling like I'm going to make it no matter what happens. Thanks, Nikko, for putting a name to it, Acceptance. Like Whippit, I have come to rely on myself only. It's completely up to the WS to make his/her choice now, as it always has been. As my son, a counselor of mentally ill adults, said this weekend, WS are like addicts, they won't change unless they are ready, and it's best to stay out of the drama while it's going on.

Starman, I'm glad you haven't lost the love for your W. I guess all you can do is wait, be patient until she (hopefully) comes out of the fog and sees what she'd be giving up if she leaves you. The suggestions by Dinotopia and VBean to do something nice for yourself and your children should help you make the most of this time, and make you feel better, too. How are your kids doing?

Thinking of you.
Lablady

Thanks to everyone for the good advice. As usual I can always find answers to my questions here. Acceptance is what I am experiencing and it does feel very good. It is a huge weight off my chest. My kids are doing okay but are wondering more and more why their mother is not around. That's the hardest part. But overall they are doing well and spending lots of time with family to keep them busy.

Starman - An afterthought. Acceptance is the final of 5 stages of grief. It's possible to toggle back to one of the other 4, but at least now you know what the final stage is, and that you're going to be OK.
Lablady