Doing EXCELLENT! Life IS good!

Q, thanks for asking. You have really touched me by being concerned, even still.

Could things be better? Sure they could. But they also are a heck of a lot better than they were 6 months ago. They are even better than they were 6 YEARS ago!

DV was final back in 10/02. Haven't seen or spoken to XW since 09/02. I actually prefer it that way. I reached the point long ago where I accepted the fact that the M was not meant to be. Reaching that point is definitely a milestone in one's life.

I am like you in that I am still in the process of getting my new house built. My only problem here is the weather. If it is not raining, it's snowing. I couldn't ask for better contractors, though. They will work through just about anything. Not to mention that 7 days/week is no problem for them either. They want to have it completed just as bad as I do.

I still have to deal with the XW through the attorney's a little, though. She STILL hasn't done all the "signing" in regards to the property division. Still can't figure that one out. Heck...She re-married, to a total stranger, just a week after our DV was final. She knew the guy no more than 6 weeks or so, after breaking up with OM.

Guess he is no better than me, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Having no children made it a whole lot easier than most. It is kinda wierd, though, living next to the X-in-laws, who I had SUCH a close relationship with, and the fact that none of them have uttered a word to me since May of last year.

I have learned that there is NO reason for me to even THINK that I may live the rest of my life alone. There are plenty of decent, loving individuals out there who can, and will appreciate a good relationship with someone.

Yes...I have been doing a little "recreational" fishing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The water is FULL of them.

I look at it this way....Just because I couldn't "fix" my M, doesn't mean I am not allowed another. What it does is allow me to have one in the future that will be built on everything that I have learned.

My friends, I have learned a lot.

I have learned that *I* need to put a little more effort into my next R. I have also learned that I gave up a lot as well. I have recently had the opportunities to see the personalilties, desires, and general traits of others, and realized that I, too was being deprived.

I will not settle any more. And I will give more than I ever did. In many more ways.

So, I see my future. I see one that is filled with happiness, whether I am by myself, or sharing it with someone. I see the future so well, because I learned that I dictate my future in that sense. My future will be exactly as I determine it to be. Because it is up to ME to build it. So...it really isn't an unknown future after all. It is merely a continuation of what today is, with a little extra mixed in.

I have the tools needed for the job, now.

I am 41, hard-working, good-looking (at least that is what I am told, frequently <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ), ambitious, and caring. And educated. Very educated. Where it matters.

With that said, how could I even THINK of feeling depressed?

I'm one lucky dude. Some day, there will be one lucky woman in this world, too.

Hang in there, Q. I'm rootin' for ya.

HCII

Hi,
I'm not one of the ones you called in your subject line, but just wanted to let you know that it's good to hear you're doing well.

Thanks for the upbeat message of hope!

H_P

HI BOO!

Looking forward to the housewarming(Wrecking) party!

It is so GOOD to see you doing well. You've been in my thoughts and prayers....

Keep us informed.

hcii:

You give me a lot of hope! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You also make me realize that I'm not quite ready to call it quits just yet. I DO see a lot of misery that I would just as soon jettison at the first available opportunity, but I'm still hoping that my W will choose to let go of her misery as well, realize that the A was not only a mistake (her words this am), but that there's an awful lot of things to regret about having had it as well.

And so, while I hope and believe that my W has the integrity to do the "right thing" for her at least, and not too long from now, I'll keep trying to learn, myself.

...there are a lot of fish in that aquarium, though, aren't there? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-ol' Qfwfq

Hi HP,

Hope is everything. That is what keeps all of us ticking. Hang around. I have this sudden urge to get this thread crankin'....

KILY!,

Long time, no hear! Was starting to get a little worried, but did see where you mentioned you were taking "precautionary" measures. I understand completely. Glad to see you are still lurking. My thoughts are with you....

2TQ, (Gosh dawgit, I love that)....

Just like the new Dodge commercial (But I dislike Dodge. I'm Chevy to the core <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ), You gotta grab life by the horns.

Or it grabs YOU!

Really, 2TQ, my XS (sorry...she lost the W ranking a while back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) has NEVER said that she was sorry to me. Never. Not trying to dishearten you, but I think that sometimes there are some people that are capable of carrying "justification" to the grave with them. And then there are those that actually aren't sorry, and have no remorse. That's one that you will have to figure out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You also make me realize that I'm not quite ready to call it quits just yet. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ol' pal, you need to think about one thing, though, with this. If you can't call it quits, you gotta be ready for the long haul. When you decide you still have it in you to wait it out, that's exactly what you're gonna have to do.

I can honestly, and truthfully say that I have had some of the best days in my life since my DV. I can also say that I have had "dates" recently that were much better than days with the X. I think that is a byproduct of what I have learned from all of this. I think that *I* am better suited for a relationship. I KNOW I am better off than the X. I have a sense of direction now. Which brimgs me to today's topic of discussion....

I read recently where even though 50% of all marriages end in DV, only 30% of the people ever experience DV. I read that and thought...Wait! Numbers don't add up! Then I read the explanation.

That is where the second marriages come into the equation. You see, second marriages are in the 50 percentile as well, coming from the same 70% of the people involved. Meaning that second marriages must be very high in DV rate. Somewhere around 70%, I surmise. Which makes me wonder this.....

We have learned that very few of the marriages derived from A's survive. Wouldn't one derive from those figures that the re-marriages from us BS's have a high chance of SURVIVAL? I can see the correlation. We become educated through the learning experience, because we wanted to. We did not go into the next R flailing around, with no sense of direction.

My point is....I wanted to rebuild my M with the X. But, my DV...has, in its own way, allowed me a better M in the future.

I can look back and see where my fear of change, and the unknown, was part of my desperate attempts to save my M. At some point I realized that tommorow was going to be how *I* designed it. My happiness tomorrow depended on ME!

"Hey XS!" "Wanna share in my happiness tomorrow?"

"What? You don't? Well....see ya...."

That's it in a nutshell. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves if it is the person, or merely the "institution", that we are so desperate to keep.

I can truly say that for 14 years, I was one of the rare males that NEVER complained to ANYONE about the ex. See my reply to your "definition" post, 2TQ. I was absolutley PROUD to have the wife that I had. I made it a point to make that well known amongst both mine, and her, peers. I had assumed she was the same with me. THAT gave us a marriage.

When the pride was gone, the marriage was. When I was no longer proud of her in every way, I had no marriage in my eyes. It was time to move on.

It was time to feel that "pride" again, even if it was somewhere else.

OK...I'm rambling here....Thanks for all that have stopped to ask about me....

HCII

hcii:

you make some interesting points/observations. As a scientist, I'd have to agree that the numbers don't add up... ...until you look a little deeper.

Along those lines, my "measured honesty" IC said something like "the first DV is hard on both partners. But you know what? Everybody finds that after the second DV, it gets a lot easier."

HOLY MOLY, MOTHER OF CRIPES!!!! I took the 'hint' and haven't seen the guy since! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' Qfwfq

Boo-

You HAVE unconvered one of the "truths" about PLAN-A/PLAN-B and the entire purpose of going through the recovery process with or without your desired parter.

It is all about changing your perspective andf learning about who YOU really are. You have learned, but there is SO much more to be revealed.

That is the beauty of relationships.