Hello All!

I have been reading the FOG thread and want to know if H telling me he is "confused" means the fog might be lifting.

H moved out of OW's house 11 days ago and has been living with his son. Tells me he wants to take things slowly and not to push him.

H came over last night and spent the night as I told him we need to spend time together if we are going to work things out.

This morning he admitted to me he is "confused" and still has a lot to work out. I think I understand him better at this point than he understands himself.

I think he is in withdrawal from A and in a depression. I think he is still grieving the A. I do believe he has not been "with her", but I know he has seen her at the club he frequents.

I was actually able to prove a lie she told him, and I also told him I heard she was cheating on him while they were together. Right away he said "I know who it was probably with", so he had his own doubts and suspicions.

I think he is trying to deal with all of this, plus he is dealing with the end of A (at least I hope it is the end!!).

I don't know what their contact has been, but I do know she has denied any other A's.

H told me he didn't really have any feelings for her in the first place (don't know if I believe that), and he knew this would all end sooner or later.

Does it sound like the fog is lifting and is this confusion a normal state at that time?

I have continued to be supportive of him and even told him I can understand what he is going through. He also told me that his "life as he knew it is over and will never be the same". When I asked what he meant by this, he said everything he liked to do, he can't do anymore. He was referring to going to the club every night, drinking and playing pool. She goes there every night and is a bartender there.

Does this statement also mean he is "seeing the light"?

Thanks for your imput!!

It sounds to me like he is seeing the light, indeed!

I'm sure that he feels some confusion, and a bit down at times , that's normal. Thank God you love him, and are willing to work on this with him.

I'm sure he feels a bit ashamed, too, that he betrayed you for this woman.

You then said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When I asked what he meant by this, he said everything he liked to do, he can't do anymore.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Isn't it a good thing that he doesn't want to go out and party all the time? Maybe this whole experience can bring your life level of greater maturity and togetherness.

Take care,
H_P

Hi errn,

His attitude and condition is at a turning point. Realize that while this may be part of withdrawal and recovery, it could take a while before you feel progress. In fact some WS regress (renew contact with OP) often because the withdrawal is soo hard. That addiction theory really rings true at times like this.

Knowing this will help you from throwing in the towel. Right now don't expect him to cater to you or even care for you. He is still a bit self centered and it will take a while before he thinks about anyone else. He may ask for time alone and you will not trust it. Plan on what you might do if he does ask for it.

I told my WS he was pretty much on the course by his actions. He thought he was 'unique'..... Ha! Shook up his world when he realized that he wasnt the only dummy in the sea of confusion..... then it helped him ask 'so what do your MB friends have to say about this or that?!???'. It was a start at communication.

H still is not crazy about MB but he allows me to post and I try to do so when it does not interfer with my responsiblities and his computer time. Progress for us was a bit slow and it had its false recoveries but eventually I was able to see forward movement in our R.

FYI, he even asked one day (after being home for about 16 months if I thought the OP was an 'alien'. I said yes so fast both our heads were spinning...... LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Thank you for your responses! It gives me continued encouragement! I was hoping that I wasn't reading into this too much.

I have been feeling so much more positive this past week and I hope it continues. I do get impatient because I want him home so badly and I hate seeing him agonize over OW, but I try not to let him see this.

If I slip and "push him" as he puts it, I laugh and joke and say "I know, I'm pushing" before he gets a chance to tell me that. It kind of lightens up the moment.

I also worry about renewed physical contact, as I know he still sees her in a social envirnment, and that is not good for him, but I also know when the turning point came and he moved out from her house that she was LBing him big time. She was mad at him about an "issue" as she called it and was hanging all over other men at the club they go to. If she is continuing in this manner (with other men to make him jealous) then I don't see him having PC with her. And she apparently moves around with men quite frequently.

Well, thank you again for your support!