<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I am making my self a promise from this day on, I will not allow my H to do what he is doing to me anymore. I am not going to give into him anymore, because the hurt only gets worse when he leaves. Yesterday I told my H to take the kids and he decided to take them to the movies. I told the kids and they didn't want to go with him, but they would go if I went. I told my H what they said, so I went too. My H took them in his truck and I followed in my car. After we got home my H came in the house. Our 13 year old got a computer game a week and 1/2 ago and we were having a hard time getting it to work on the computer, but last week we got it to work. My H said can't you take that game back and my son said I got it to work. I said if you called or saw the kids you would have known it worked now. My H did not see the kids since my son got the game and only called 1 time for about a minute. The kids don't want to even see or be with my H and could care less if he called them. I told my H that and I also told him we have to stop telling each other and blaming each other of how each of us hurt each other and think of our kids and what they need, not us. They need to get straigtened out. For the 1st time without asking my H, he told me he is going to start thinking about what he should do. We used to be always up his parents house with the kids and now my H hardly even sees his parents. The last time he has called or seen them was 3 weeks ago. Why is he withdrawing from his family and friends since he moved in w/her 2 months ago?

Because he is living a double life. It is causing him trouble and he knows others would not approve.

L.

But also they know what I did and his parents never say anything to him about it what he is doing. His father says he is but never does. Last night after the movies our older son asked my H if he was coming home last night and my husband told him I don't know. I told my H don't tell him I don't know tell him no if it is no.

Goldi,

Ws in confusion will tell many people I don't know, defend the OP, berate the BS and accuse everyone around them of their own demise.

In the fog, the WS doesn't know. His brain is scrambled. I felt just like you did but in defense of those in the fog, they really don't know. That is why the addiction theory is so appropo.

I am a bit behind on your story, what do you mean by: "But also they know what I did and his parents never say anything to him about it what he is doing."

L.

1 1/2 years ago I had an A with a guy that I worked with. He moved to Fl, but worked for the same company still, he moved in 3/01. In July I started talking to him on the email at work. The end of July he came to visit his family. I went out with 1 night when he was in. In August of 2001 I went to Fl to see him when my H went away. My H suspected something was wrong and asked me if I cheated on him, I said yes and told him with who. I didn't tell him about Fl. I was so afraid to. Well a couple weeks later my H found out. Then a few times after that I talked to the guy on the phone and my H found out. In December of this year I was in a car accident and he came in because his dad died. One night when I was Christmas shopping he called on my cell phone to see how I was after the accident. He called 2x's, the 1st time I hung up on him, the 2nd time he asked if I would meet him. Stupidly I said ok and I met and talked with him at a convenient store parking lot. I talked to him for about 15 minutes, I didn't have feelings anymore for him at all and no desire to be with him any other way, because when I went to Fl I hated it. The times after that when I did talk to him on the phone it was someone that I can talk to and he would listen. And I know I should have followed through the n/c rule. My H started seeing this girl in June 2002 and as far up to Nov 2002 he was still seeing her. I thought in June we were doing fine, February was the last time I spoke to the guy. We even went on a cruise in May and 2 days later he started seeing her. Before the cruise she asked him to go out and he said not because we were going away. He found out the guy was in town and found out I spoke to him. So from that night on when he found out he wasn't coming home. Two nights from the 17th to Christmas he stayed home. He would go out at night and not come home until the next morning, Christmas night he left for good. Then the next week I found out he was staying with the girl he was seeing. I heard from her and her ex husband that the day after the car accident my H called her to tell her about the accident, because my H was with me when it happened. She said she missed his call, but did not call him back, so he called her a few days later. Her ex told me and she told me days would go by, but they were still seeing or talking to each other. My H said it is a lie and because I talked to that guy that is why he left. My H did come back home for 2 weeks, but then went back to her.

Goldi,

Thanks for bringing me current. So your H had a revenge A? Even more the reason for his confusion. Medicine usually is a bit bitter but bad medicine can be mind altering and in some cases deadly.

Given all that has happened and him in the midst of his own A, he really may not know.

What should you do? Right now, pull back and let him prove to you that he deserves to come back to the family. Since you had some WS time also, you have to prove you deserve to have your family.....all of them. If you both work on yourselves for the sake of each other and the family, then M recovery is possible. But don't put it in his face. If he says he is confused and doesn't know simple stuff, don't push the issue. Just look at him and move forward. In time he will recall and probably feel real bad.

Mine can't believe the things I tell him he did. He even tried to argue with me and I proved it. He shakes his head and calls himself stupid. Now that's recovery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

The 1st 5 yrs of our marriage he cheated on me with mainly 1 night stands. He is an alcoholic. He went into rehab and for 6 1/2 years he quit until he found out about me. Now he drinks all the time.

Goldi,

Alcoholism and A are a bad combo. Is he willing to consider AA? Are you able to go to any alnon meetings? There are a few of the BS' here and a few xws' who have dealt with both issues at the same time. See if you can put out a thread to Bramble Rose. Read Jen's thread a few of the Xws' who had similar problems helped her see the WS POV.

HOpe this helps.... I have to call it a night, need to go to work in the morning!!! YUCK!

Good night.
L.

<small>[ February 27, 2003, 02:46 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>