Well, today was a whopper of a day. Husband had income tax done. And of course, I can sign or not sign. He threatened me with he can send papers in anyway. I said go ahead and do it. He is on his path to destruction, and I can't do anything about it. I called him a A**hole today. Cause I am tired of the psychological mind games, name calling, how uncooperative I am. If he would look in the mirror and see how uncooperative he is.

He came up with this idea, of me getting social security started with alimony money. At least he thought it was a great idea. I sure didn't, and I am not falling in his vindictive path. When I said no, he said, so you don't want to accumulate social security? I said nope.

Group session was really great. Talked about feelings and how our husbands talked to us. I was so amazed, that my husband said the exact words. I was in the beginning thinking that I should not be here. Why am I here, but I realize what my husband has been doing, the rest of the women in the group have had put in their faces too. It hurts my heart, but you know, I am moving on now. So he wants to hurt me. He knows what hurts me, and he uses it every chance he gets. I know this now. To believe what I heard tonight, and to know that these same words were said to my face, over and over. My eyes are opening more and more every week with First Step.

My husband used a manipulation statement on me today, with the income tax. And it was ironic that 3 other women had the same incidence with their husbands this week too. I just can't believe it. But I am getting wiser now, that knowing other women who are in First Step have heard the exact same words. Things are becoming more and more clear to me my husband does not care about me, so be it. Let him not care, I know that I am a good person, and to heck with him.

These men, know how to use their mental games. These men know how to use their words and manipulation on us. They know what hurts their wives, they know how to dig their thumbs into their wives heart. They know what hurts us, and will continue to use the same tactics over and over. It is a way of control and manipulation. Then they can say, oh I didn't mean that. Oh I didn't know it was going to hurt you, like heck they didn't. They knew exactly every step they took.

I got upset when I realized I was in this group for a reason. For a reason beyond my control. My husband put me in this group. And I will not take and make excuses for him any more. This man is not caring, and today was another day of vocalizing with coercen words that he doesn't care. Today was another hurtful day, saying he will do whatever he wants, and to heck with me. Yep, I was meant for First Step, because of husband physical abuse. He doesn't think he hurt me, that is his problem. I have the paperwork that says I am injured, had to have surgery, and my shoulder specialist is upset with husband and paying the bill. Since husband cancelled health insurance. Of course husband says he didn't cancel the health insurance, but why don't we have any. It just happened?

The group talked much tonight about feelings. And that is one thing our spouses didn't do. Listen to us. But you know what, we listeneed to each other, we listened and cried. These people listen, and have empathy. That is what most women need in a hsuband. Until my husband gets his act together, he will never have anyone in his life for long. Listening is something that you learn and want to do. And he didn't listen to me and that hurts me. Yes, I am a sensitive person, not needy, but sensitive. Everyone has said that. I don't need my husband. He can find his lovely (woman), and we will see.

It is sad that he doesn't see that I still love him, but I am letting that love go more and more. So one day there will be a final farewell. That is the day that my husband (SNL) will dance and rejoice for his freedom.

Goodnight to everyone. Need to sleep. Tomorrow, another physical therapy, day. Not much more I do in life right now, but work on me. Hopefully tomorrow I will get my new pillow to sleep on. It has been difficult sleeping with such neck pain, and some dizziness.

Faith4me,

Good to hear from you. I never received your call. You are sounding much stronger (emotionally). That group seems to be giving you support. How sad that so many are suffering as you are, but good to know they understand your pain of heart.

Keep up making strides forward.

Hugz,
L.

hi Faith you do sound alot better, can I ask why you won't sign the papaers for taxes? can you collect ss disability from your h's ss? stay tough!

I won't sign it, because it has to do with the total amount WE made this year. And last time I discussed this here, husband yelled at me and was unreasonably angry at me that I discussed this matter here. He still looks at this site, and if I write something he doesn't like, I hear about it.

As far as SS, I don't qualify, for social security. I haven't worked for 5 straight years with a paycheck when I called SS department. I worked for my husband in our business since 1990 fulltime, prior to that I worked for him parttime while working another job. And he never paid me a paycheck. Therefore, I have no paycheck, no social security to collect from. Yes, I asked for a regular paycheck from husband, and he said no.

I will ask my lawyer about collecting social security from my husbands social security. Never thought of that question, but will find out. Thanks.

Orchid, yes I am stronger. Will call you tonight if you are going to be home. If possible, could you state if you are going to be home or not?

There are so many things that husband has shown that he is only for himself in the last few weeks. Makes one sad, but he is digging his hole deeper, and I was willing to help him out, but time after time he was not willing to accept my help and now he is on his own. I see, cry over his actions, but what he does he is accountable for. I have nothing to do with his angry outbursts. This man is an angry man, needing professional help. He won't admit it, that is his problem. He won't seek professional help, that is his problem. He wants to deceive me, that is my hearts problem, but the consequences are his problem.

I will make it, I know that I am a good woman, a loving mother, a loving daughter to my mother and my mother-in-law, I am a caring person, and I know that my heart was made to be a very compassionate, empathetic person. I am a sensitive person, but without us sensitive people, this world would be a cruel place. I love who I was, who God made me to be. I love that I am a caring person to animals, and have compassion for animals (I am not one to go overboard). I want to be the person that God made me, and I no longer want to be under the influence of a controlling, manipulating person. I see what has happened in my life, and this is so wrong. So destructive of my inner nature. It does make me sad, and I do cry inside for my husband. But I know that is part of the grieving process. If one is unwilling to ask for help, there is nothing else I am able to do. Let him go self destruct. At least I know I gave it my best. The day that he falls in jail, bankruptcy, etc. I will be compassionate, and a friend. Nothing else.

It has taken me many months, years to get to this point. But I feel good inside. I feel great about who I am. I feel God is with me. God will take this burden. And God sees what is happening, and consequences will be taken for husbands actions. I know that I have been truthful, and husband knows he has not. The statements hsuband made yesterday, made me think of how cruel he is, and he doesn't care about any of us. It is sad, but he is self destructing, and this is his doing, no one else has done anything to create these evil actions. Yes, makes me sad. But, until he realizes he is a sick man, and needs psychological help, nothing I, we can do.

Also, if he wants help from all of you, he could post here and show he is posting. But again, that is part of his error.

Time to get going to physical therapy. Many things to get done today while I am out. So need to get going. Thank you all.

Also, something good came up yesterday. So I am grateful for some good news. Something for me, only for the good me. Will talk later.

Today was a bad day, for myself. Husband yelled, put me down. I found out the total of the income tax today. And I was floored. I told my lawyer, and the records will be sent to my lawyer, per lawyer request. Talked to the accountant today. He will talk to husband, and tell him what I wanted. Anyways, I told accountant I don't want him in the middle. I won't use him next year, for one he is too expensive. I have someone from church I will use.

Husband called me probably 5,6 ? times. I had to hang up on him everytime after a short conversation. I am not going to sit here and take this over and over. I don't have to tell him things. He tells me very little. Just like when I try to get him on the phone for service calls. I call and call. It is the same excuse, I was out of the area. Or I was in the customers house. Isn't it ironic that now all of a sudden I can't get ahold of him, and before we just had one area that was bad to get ahold of cellphone.

Yeah, husband thinks I was born yesterday. Also, the stuff with his mother. I am going to court with his mother on Monday. She is going for her eviction notice. She has to get out, and she knows it. As far as her house getting done, that husband is living in, who knows. So she is going to look for a rental. And she should make her son pay for the rental. If need be, she said she may just get a hotel room. Until husband finishes the house.

He has put himself, himself has done this, in a really poor situation. He is getting deeper and deeper in a hole. He did threaten me with signing the tax papers himself. And he can if he wants to. He threatened to sign some other papers, and he can if he wants to. But I know what I am doing is according to the law. And what he is doing, he will have to face the consequences.

You would think that he didn't want a divorce with his actions. If he doesn't, he should just say so. But now, I am sure I want a divorce. Nothing here has filled my lovebank. Nothing at all. And the last few weeks he has gone in the red so deep. Of course he doesn't care, so it shouldn't bother him. There is no reason for him going ballistic, so easily. There is no reason for him acting so childish, like a little boy doing a tantrum. There is no reason for him to keep coercing me with threats. I am not accepting his threats anymore. I am just hanging up on him.

The phone conversations are so mean, vindictive, and uncaring. But that is his decision. Only a devil of a person would act this way. And I do think there is something emotionally, psychologically wrong with this man. He is not the husband I married. He is not the man I wanted to be the father of our children. He is not the man that I devoted my virgin body to. He is not the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and grow old with. This man, of who he is, is a devil.

Orchid, are you going to be home tonight? I will call.

Anyways, been busy on the phone talking to lawyer, accountant, SNL, mother-in-law, and just going in circles talking to these people. Days like today, I want to blow my brains out. But that would not be good. So that is why I am still here. Just in a real cleaning mood, stress does that to me, and I am cleaning.

Packing, things tomorrow, and getting the stuff I want in boxes. There is no reason to enjoy this house anymore. There is no reason to live here anymore. Just get my money, and stay till the kids are gone. Hopefully, next spring. Then I can get on with my life, and become me again. I liked the me, the artistic, the laughing, joyful me.

Oh yeah, I am going to take a class. An art class, once a week. The projects are really neat. And I said, this could be a way of making some money. Just a thought. I may not beable to sit at the table for long. So if I don't, I will get up walk around and sit down. Will see, how the first session goes.

Didn't go to the neck doctor. Have another appt. and I am so sick of this neck. My shoulder they measured in physical therapy, and it is out of balance. They are working on the scapala to move it backwards. They said today, my head is sitting crooked. I thought so, and they are trying to release some of the stress. Stress takes a toll on my neck, and I am feeling it tonight. Do I am about ready to take a break after I get the pantry done. Cleaning, and organizing, and packing. Feels good to finally have a finale to this situation. Get on, move along, and get my life in order. I feel good about this, and I feel good about helping others.

Dear Faith4me,

I just got home and have to go and pickup my nephew for the weekend. Will be taking the boys out to dinner and then a few errands. I will post when I get home so you can call. Otherwise, I will e-mail you with my work # for tomorrow, ok?

Hugz,
L.

duplicate post.

<small>[ February 28, 2003, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Faith,

I know I have not e-mailed you like I said I would. I am very surprised at the strength in your latest posts. It sound like you have made some firm decisions that are in the best interest of yourself. Good for you.

You know, if SNL signs your name to those tax papers, that is fraud, I think. You could turn him into the IRS yourself. I would check into this to protect yourself. If you know he signed them, and dont' turn him in, you might be held accountable for not reporting him. You don't need to be dragged down his hole with him. I would inquire into this.

SNL, please keep in mind that Faith has "Freedom of SPEECH" it is the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights. I'm sure you recognize it from you history lessons as a child. There are a few restrictions with regards to this. When you tell her what she can and cannot say on her own threads, you are infringing upon her First Amendment Right. What gives you the right to do so? NOTHING gives you the right to do so.

Faith - keep up the good work. It is nice to hear you being strong and confident

Sue - that is why I said let him do it. My lawyer will talk to our accountant if necessary. And my accountant knows what my lawyer wants and why. Therefore, if SNL wants to continue to lead a life of deceit and lies, let him. He is making his hole deeper and deeper. I can't stop him, nobody can, until he burns in h*ll.

Also, with what he is doing to his mother, and now he is realizing that his mother needs to get out of her house immediately, so much for her staying and getting this house back. SNL has screwed his mother big time, and yes, I worry about her.

I still care about SNL, and love him, but not who he is now. And now our accountant knows a little about SNL. Cause I had to tell him why my lawyer said he wants the papers. Our accountant has my lawyers# and fax#. There might have to be a legal paper sent, and my lawyer said he will do that too if the accountant needs one. Accountant expressed he doesn't want to be caught in the middle. I said I don't want you to either. I want him and SNL to be friends, whether we are divorced or married. I said, SNL is a good man, but who he is now, is not the man I married.

So the accountant is going to call SNL and tell him what he is going to do. And if SNL doesn't want him to, then the accountant will call me. And I will call my lawyer, and this information will be given to my lawyer, legally.

I hate doing this, but SNL would not tell me the figure we made after all deductions this year. The accountant said SNL knew, and was satisfied with the figure. SNL, played word games with me when I asked for the final figure. And SNL knows he did. This is what I don't like, the distrust in this man. Playing word games, to get out of telling me anything. I didn't fall for it, and I hung up. And of course our accountant looked it up and told me. Cause I have as much right as SNL did to know. And I was so appalled at the figure, lower than last year. How in the heck does SNL figure that this is the amount we made, he is way out of league this time. And this could cause him to get into trouble. I don't know, but I know SNL is playing with fire this time. I just can't believe, it still now, I just can't believe it. And this is what is killing me inside, I can't believe a very intelligent man, a bright man, can do this. I just can't believe that I fell in love with a man like this. Sometimes I think I am in a twilight zone or something. Like I have to wake up and it will be alright. There is definitely something wrong with this man.

I told accountant, that he is just doing what SNL gave him. And that he is not responsible for the amount listed. SNL didn't add up all the papers needed. SNL guessed, just like last year. All he got correct was the stuff I gave him, which was maybe 1/2 of the papers, cause he has all the rest of the papers. And then he has the nerve to tell my lawyer and his lawyer that I have the papers. Well, he found out, when he came over to do the figures for the taxes, that I don't have the papers. He treats me like I am stupid, and won't accept that what I am saying is the truth. Then has the nerve to say I won't cooperate. Heck, who is the one who won't cooperate? And that is what I hate about him. He has done that my whole life. If I was to believe everything he said, we would be in a worse mess. I am the one that tried to do a damn good job, but he wanted control.

So Sue, I was so upset today, and cried a lot. I was actually shaking, and I know my one son was a little concerned for me. He said it will be okay mom. But I got myself together, and said to son I go up and down, and this is just a down moment. Then I cheered up and smiled at him. And started talking about something else. This is so hard, not having anyone to hug me, and to have someone to hold onto. I wanted so much to have someone I could cuddle up to and have this person wrap their arms around me. And say it will be okay. I know I will be okay, but moments like that, and with SNL manipulating me with his words, and voice, it was a difficult day, and God, I hated today. Will come back later. Going to take a hot bubble bath. Onoly relief for my neck, it gets so sore so easily. Right eye is starting to feel like it is buldging out. Be back later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Faith4me:
<strong>

I hate doing this, but SNL would not tell me the figure we made after all deductions this year. The accountant said SNL knew, and was satisfied with the figure. SNL, played word games with me when I asked for the final figure. And SNL knows he did. This is what I don't like, the distrust in this man. Playing word games, to get out of telling me anything. I didn't fall for it, and I hung up. And of course our accountant looked it up and told me. Cause I have as much right as SNL did to know. And I was so appalled at the figure, lower than last year. How in the heck does SNL figure that this is the amount we made, he is way out of league this time. back later.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Faith, what amount was low? The gross or the net? You want the net, after deductions, to be as low as possible so you don't have to pay mucho taxes. I don't understand what you are upset about. Can you clarify? How does a low amount effect you?

And Sue, I think if you double check the First Amendment, you will see that it is CONGRESS that can make no law that impedes free speech - it has nothing to do with civilian relations. We have no such free speech rights in a private forum except as afforded by our forum hosts. SNL does have a right to ask her to not talk about him, just as she has a right to tell him no.

http://www.law.cornell.edu/topics/first_amendment.html

<small>[ March 01, 2003, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

As far as free speech, I will type what I want. But I will be discrete and not call him names. I know I did once. But I don't like calling him names, and I don't like his actions right now. But I am trying to be kind (it is really hard with his anger), and the thing for me to do is hang up on him.

As far as the amount, is the net. I realize that you want it low, but there is another issue, that I can't discuss here. SNL has made it abundantly clear I am to not discuss this here.

But it will be handled, and I hate to do this to SNL, cause I do care deeply about him. And he is my husband. But I have to protect myself, since there is no protection from him to me. I am looking out for myself now. And that is why I took the actions I did. SNL has no interest in me, and he is just waiting to get his semi-trailer packed and head out. Leave me with a mess, leave his mother with a mess. I should of seen this coming, but I was trusting my husband too much. I will be a stronger woman, and I will make it, I know I will. Just this mess is so hard on a system, and so hard on someone who is suffering pain everyday. He doesn't suffer, and of course he doesn't take accountability for his actions. That is his problem, and he can dig his hole deeper, I will help him out if he wants, only with honesty. Nothing less.

Anyways, the drugs are starting to kick in and I am going to go to bed. Got my new pillow today from Tempur-pedic. It is the new millenium pillow. For people with neck problems. You can sleep on this one on your side, which I can only on my left side (maybe my left will be lobsided), and on my back only. I used to sleep on my stomach a lot, but not now. Can't even lay on a stool very well, so my daughter can massage my back. And at physical therapy it is so tough laying down and getting up off the table.

It will be almost a year I have been suffering this shoulder and neck. HOpefully, when I get in to the neck specialist, there will be a solution to the problem I am in. Daughter said she felt a real hard mass on my right shoulder. I told her my head is lopsided, and the shoulder is so sore. Physcial thereapy, she manipulated the scapala, and is trying to get more movement. I did some new exercises there too. Might have been too much. Any ways, goodnight.

Hi Faith,

I just got in but it is after 11pm PST. Maybe we can talk tomorrow evening??? I should be home then.

take care,
L.

Just checked in, and yes I will call tonight Orchid. Another thing that is happening, my husband calls, and one of the kids yells downstairs to tell me that dad is coming over. He doesn't have the decency to ask for me, and to ask if it is okay to come over. Where is the respect given to me. Maybe I didn't want him over here at that moment. Maybe I didn't want to hear his voice. This is what is so damn upsetting with SNL. He doesn't even have the damn common sense to talk to me. By the way, he pulled in the driveway just about 2 minutes after he called. Like he was just coming around the curve of the road. I hate this, I hate his controlling attitude. When he came in, I was cold. Cause I feel he should apologize for yesterday. For his ballistic damns attitude. He got his thumb and pushed it deep into my heart. He knows exactly what he is doing, and I feel it is about time he start apologizing for his obnoxious behavior.

He came in and I am cleaning and getting rid of stuff. He makes a stupid ? looks like you are cleaning. Yep, stupid I am cleaning. Then he said something else, and I just ignored it. He did his copying on the copy machine, and faxing. Then our daughter was leaving for G.R. and we both said goodbye to her.

Then SNL has the nerve to say he will be back later. I said please don't come over. Those are the exact words I said. He said I need to come back and copy and fax more over. I said, I don't want you back here tonight. I want peace and quiet. He started in on his excusess. I said don't be so controlling, and listen to what I have to say. He gets this look on his face, and walks out I will listen.

If the judge could see all the control, the manipulation, the using word games on me. The judge would put this man below the floor. Grasping for air, and screaming for mercy. This is an angry, controlling man, not getting his way now. Not getting me where he wants me, under his thumb all the time. He still does it, cause he is good at this game. But I am getting better. He wants to be mean to me, and call me names, and belittle me. Well, he is got someone fighting on the other end now. No more sitting back and stating that SNL is just crazy. He is out of control, and a ballistic man.

So we will see if he stays away tonight. And no I did not give him permission to come over. He doesn't ask me, he tells the kids to tell me that he is coming over. He doesn't even have the courage to ask me. He is so sad to look at. He is such a controlling man, and when the divorce is done, he will not be allowed in this house again. Without my okay. That is part of a divorce, and if I have to I will get papers that he can't come over. This is what he wants, this is what he is getting. I am tired of his control and manipulation. I am tired of him treating me so poorly, and I am tired of him pushing himself on everyone. He has to grow up oneday. And I hope to God that day comes soon. After all he is getting older everyday. Will be interesting to see what our accountant has to say.

JMHO - an accountant is not going to put their name on a return that is obviously out of line. As you were told in a previous post on this topic, there are many deductions that are legitimate that reduce income. In fact, it is the accountants JOB to find and take all deductions that may be allowed.

be content, I know that there are many deductions that can be listed on the tax forms. And my husband is quite assertive in that aspect. But what happens when one is not as assertive in listing all the income. Not saying we don't, cause we do. I was wondering about this.

Anyways, just more things to worry about, and try to have a life.

Yes, husband e-mailed me, and more about his feelings. Which is okay for him to list. Thing that hurts is nothing that says I am a good woman. Just more how I am not treating him right, and I am not being cooperative with him. Anyways, going to go.

Everyone have a goodnight, and be with the Lord tomorrow.

There are some here that can answer you much better than I, but I would think that the accountant would have a feel for the amount of income.

At any rate, there is some protection "innocent spouse" that might would apply in your case should an audit ever come up with a major finding.