Ok everyone, I don't really have a question, just continuing to struggling and looking for support.
The past week things have been going well for me, and I have been optimistic. Yesterday was a set back for me and I need some reassurances.
Let me recap: H moved out of OW's house almost 2 weeks ago (Good). Spent that first night here (good). Wouldn't agree to move back home (bad). Says still needs to work things out in his own head (good/bad).
Continue to talk to him almost daily (good). I have to call him (bad), but usually have agreed to a time for contact. Have lunch with him on all my dayoffs (good). Initiated by me (bad), but very agreeable to him (good).
HE actually initiated a visit to our home (very good), and spent a very pleasant day with him. During this visit he actually made innocent remarks indicating a future together, like talking about things we needed to do around house.
Admitted at this time he is confused, needs to work things out in his head. Asked me not to push him, told me he went out to a different bar the night before and not where OW works (good).
Told me his life won't be the same (can be good if he is willing to give up all the old habits that got us into this situation in the first place, or can be bad if he refuses to give this up).
Continues since then to go to same bar every night as OW (very bad). Is still living with son (good, but not as good as coming home). I had long conversation with future daughter in law where he is living and she is in my corner and also gets along well with H (good). He talks to her a lot, but she said he has been very quiet lately.
Had asked H to come over and spend night this past Tuesday, to spend time alone. Took 4 days "thinking about it" (bad). On Tuesday morning was "still thinking about it but leaning toward coming over" (needs pushed so it's not "his idea" I think). Gave dumb excuses like "you'll have to wash my shirt for work for the next day" and "I don't have a razor there".
Ended up coming over and had nice evening. Sat with arm around me and watched movie, something we haven't done in years.
Lunch on Wednesday, very good, good conversation. Wouldn't come by on Wednesday night though (bad). Went to club where OW works (very bad).
Lunch Thursday, told me he left club by 9:15, told him he should have stopped over. H told me "too far to drive". Now we have lived here for 3 years and he drove it all the time.
Mentioned that he was welcome to stop Thursday night if he wanted to. Said he'd call me.
Called him Thursday afternoon and told him if he wanted to come for dinner after work I had gotten him jeans, he could change and go to club from here. Told me he was probably going to get out of work late (I knew from lunch it was busy). Told him to call me if things changed. Didn't hear from him, no sleep! Wonder what he's up to, if he's telling me the truth. I have realized what a wonderful liar he is through all this.
Still trying to rationalize.
I know I am being somewhat of a doormat,(OK, more than somewhat) but being positive and Plan A'ing has been seeming to work. I know I am pushing when I ask him over, but if I don't, he can't make up his mind to do things. I know from the past, he can just drift along endlessly, not making any decisions he is not forced to make.
I make myself crazy when I don't talk to him or see him, so I know I can't Plan B at this point, and I don't know if I can do a "modified plan" in not making phonecalls and not inviting him over, no lunch dates etc.
Since what I was doing has gotten me this far, I don't know if I should continue in the same manner or start to be "busy" and not have time to call or have lunch and let him make the next move.
I don't want him running back to OW because I am no longer there for him, but I want him to get off the fence and clear his head, make a committment to me. Maybe I AM pushing too hard. It has been 2 1/2 mos. since D-day and he moved out.
H also dealing with lies told by OW, and I don't know how she is treating him, begging him to come back or LBing and trying to make him jealous with other men. (that is what she did initially to make him move out).
I know I am rambling, trying to clear my own head.
Trying to rationalize. Please bear with me. You have all been a big support for me, and I know I have been thrashing with these same questions for some time.
Any words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated.
