Dear friends: This is getting very difficult for me, but I am hanging in there. I have been trying to show my spouse love and attention, but on somedays I can feel his distancing. He called me last evening from work to ask if the household was ok. I told him about my day and that everything was fine. He was brief with me and said he had work to do. I got the feeling that he only wanted to know if the kids were fine and not about my day. When he gets home from work, he sometimes will stay up and watch tv. Well, I woke up and laid beside him just to be close to him. He did not hold me or acknowledge my presence. This morning before I left for work, I gave him several kisses all over his face and told him how much I loved him. He did not respond. I felt sick. I think he has given up on me. He told me one evening that at least he was still here with me. Well so is the couch! He use to treat me like this for alot of years, but he told me that lately before we went through our mess a few years ago, that he changed. You don't know how much I regret not seeing that change. I am trying very hard to look back and see what happened. Is he so hurt that he cannot forgive me? Do you think he will ever forgive me? Do you think he will ever be in love with me again? To the betrayed, do you ever love your spouses or SO(s) again? I mean really love them. Is there any hope for me. How much time do I give him? In the meantime do I continue to show him love knowing he will not respond? I am ready to cry, but I am at work. I wish he would love me again.<BR>For those of you who wished your spouse would hold you and comfort you like I wish, I am sending you a spiritual hug and much love. I will get through this day somehow.

Infidelity causes pain for everyone. Sometimes I personally forget the betrayer pain, because I am to wrapped up in my own betrayed pain.<P>Sobeit...the only bright side to this if he didn't care, he wouldn't hurt.<P>Yes, give it time. Don't stop showing love. Be 100% congruent in your words and actions. Be less concerned about what you are getting and more concerned in what you are giving. However, seperate your own value as a person, from the successes or failures in your recovery.<P>Do the best you can, but realize you can not make a person feel or not feel anything. <P>Be strong, be loving and believe you are a person of value, capable of great love.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Sobeit,<P>Just some comments. FHL as usual has given you very good advice. But recall what many have said here. THe deposits you are making with Plan A are being noted by your H, even if he is not acknowledging them. <P>I have read some of your story, but was never clear on the "big blow up" and what you told H that you regret so much. Is there something about what you said that can be addressed now through either words or deeds? I also don't recall if you ever told H about the affairs or does he just suspect that they took place as well as the "blow up"? <P>I guess no matter the answer, the action required is to be honest, continue to deposit in to the account, and have patience. If I recalled more details, perhaps I could be specific, but it sounds as if you are doing the right thing. <P>Also please recall that some of his distancing may have to do with other things and not you. THe job comes to mind. In the current situation it is natural to assume that it is about you, but it may not be. You might want to inquire about that in some non LB way.<P>Good Luck and God Bless You and Your family

Hi, Sobeit - I'm a little late today. FHL and JL are right. You're doing all the right things. You just have to find the strength to keep doing them until his love bank is full again. He needs to know that it's not temporary, but a permanent part of your marriage.<P>I guess the hardest thing for us is that we do all the work for little or no return for so long. The only consolation is that hope that one day we WILL build that wonderful marriage with our spouse. And then, it'll all be worth it.<P>Your friends are here, you know, to help you along; to lend you our strength when you feel yours is failing. You'll make it, I believe in you.<P>Keep on fighting this fight, Sobeit. It's making a difference, even if you can't see it yet. <P>((((((((sobeit)))))))))))<P>Lori