W moved out today, staying at a friends. Says she still loves me but doesn't feel the way a woman should feel about her husband. She wants to let the marriage end so that she can be with OM, is not going to stop seeing him. (In fact he is coming into town tonight and she is going to be with him.) Asked me to let it go and not tell OM's wife, who still doesn't know. If I tell OM's wife now will I loose any chance of bringing her back, which I still want to do despite all, or should I just face reality and let it go. She seems determined that our marriage will end. Will telling OM's wife destroy all hope, or does it even matter any more?

Your wife's affair will end much more quickly if the OM's wife knows and everything is exposed to the light of day. I feel that you have a moral duty to inform the OM's wife about her husbands actions, especially since you know all too well the pain that an affair causes. You may also save the OM's wife from eventually getting an STD, because if he will have an affair with your wife he will do the same with others as well. He does not care about your wife, as he does not want his wife to find out about his affair, so why should you care about him. Your wife is in the fog and needs to see that the OM will run for the hills when his wife finds out. She will most likely get very upset with you, but what do you stand to gain by remaining silent??? Anyway, just my thoughts on this matter.

At this point your W is 'threatening' you into enabling the A. So you should practice a response to her threats and when she says if you do or don't do this, I will never come back.

In reality you don't want her back 'as is' so tell her, ok! Then go do what you feel you need to do. Put yourself in the OM's W position, do you want to be kept in the dark? Maybe she is being threatened also.

This kind of babble is what the fog is made up of. Make sure your actions are NOT being manipulated to enable the A.

When my WS told me that, at first I gave in and kept silent.... eventually the threat lost it's strenght and I even 'volunteered to move his stuff up to OW's house'.

H was angry.... but hey why not take his stuff up there? He was sleeping in her bed.... oh yea that's right, they don't need clothes for that stuff. YUCK.....

So here's what I did. H had left a load of laundry at my house while I was out of town. WS had already moved out (to live in a rented room - see what the A does?). So I put the clothes in a plastic grocery bag and hung it on the OW's front door.

Then the story came back (it was hilarious) that the OW concocted (added to the bag of clothes) the story that there was poop in the bag on a specific garment. Now it was supposedly my fault but remember, they were NOT my clothes and there was nothing like that on the clothes I took up there (H is a particular guy when it comes to his clothes - quite clean if you know what I mean).

The OW then claimed her H found the clothes with the poop...... When I heard the story, I had to ask if the poop she found was animal or human.... I was in the middle of Costco on my cell almost in tears from laughing so hard.

Now the fact was that the clothes were in a bag hanging on her front door (I did NOT tresspass). OW does have 2 large dogs (guess who has access to doggie poop). OW would not show proof of what she claimed to have received. Then OW washed it!!!

See the lengths of stupidity???!?!? LOL!! You have be laughing by this point because it is dumb.

No charges were ever filed against me (ow threatened that also), I told her (via the WS) to go ahead. I had already checked with the local police and I had not broken the law. The neighbors already knew that a man other than her H (who knows how many others) was regularly visiting the OW. Some even knew he was M.

Bottom line is that eventually the threats stopped because they lost their impact. My regret was not getting to that point sooner. The manipulation piece took a heavy physical and emotional toll on me. I sure don't want to see that happen to others.

Hope this helps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
L.

PS: By the way, we are in recovery and even the WS laughs about that incident. I still giggle over it. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.