I am a 31 year old mother of three and have been married for 6 years. I am a passive person and I have let my mother in law almost destroyed my marriage. I truly hated this women for all the terriable things she did to my family and my husband.But out of respect for my husband I put up with all of her garbage. In the meantime I also let the love of my life become an awful enemy. I thought he loved his mom more then me and our kids. I seeked out a friend who emotionaly supported me and then fell in love with him even knowing he is very ill and would not have a bright future. When d-day came it was in Jan.31, 2003. My husband was crushed because I hurt him so bad for my actions. I was convinced that we were not worth it because I was so disgusted with myself. My lover is going to die and I care for him very much but I love my husband. I want to be able to tell him that me and my family needs to go back together as a family but he is so alone and lonely that he continues to call me at each chance he gets. I feel if I become assertive with him and he does in fact die after that how could I live with myself by hurting two wondrful men. I have made a terriable mistake and it eats at me all the time. My husband is very supported of me and we are togehter and trying each day to recover. Should I feel guilt if my lover dies or femember the time we shared I made him feel happy and joy and loved?
How do I make him see in a letter, call, or what?
Even though I am not talking to him when I get the message it stirs up feelings I should not have when I am working so hard at my marriage. Does anyone have any advise for me?

i do have a comment to make on this.you hate you mother inlaw(mil) for "destroying" your marriage.what do you think the OM has done.not only is his days cut short he tryed to take a marraige apart on the way.have respect for him as a ill human being,thats it.he knows your married,he knows he cant have a long life with you yet continues on trying to ruin what you do have left.

if his days are truely numbered then what you say to him wont have much of an impact on that.and the longer you stay in contact the harder it will be,on you ,your husband,and him.

your concerns about the OM feeling loved for what ever time he has left are noble,however when he is gone your husband will have memories too.they wont be as pleasant.theres not much you can do for OM,theres lots you can do for your husband.he is the one you will be spending your days with.
had your friendship with OM not crossed that line you may have been able to be there for him.but things are diferent now.