I began a relationship with my brother in law. My H found out. I stopped immediatley, I want to fix us, I love him so much, it was a stupid selfish mistake, but when its a family member, how do we deal with the NEVER see him/her again thing. Help! They live 5 miles away.

Oh my gosh what a mess. I assume your brother in law's wife knows as well. They live just 5 miles away? I can't think of an answer but I can only imagine what your husband must be feeling knowing that you had a sexual affair with his brother. What a double betrayal by you and his brother. I can only suggest that you try to get your husband into immediate therapy at once. Has your husband cut off communications with his brother? What will happen to family get togethers or is that over with also? Honestly I just can't imagine what you were thinking especially since you said you love your husband so much. A rule of thumb I always follow before I do anything I am not sure of is ask how how I would feel if the roles were reversed? What would you think of your husband if he had a sexual affair with your sister behind your back? How do you think he could ever make it up to you? Again I would suggest marriage counseling immediately especially to understand why you would have risked so much and hurt the person you say you love so much to do such a thing. Clearly you must have serious problems in your marriage to do this so undergoing counsiling is must to understand the problems and attempt to repair your marriage. I think it will take a very very long time if ever for your husband to attempt to heal the emotional damage to him that has been caused by this action. I wish you luck.

Keep this post up here. Bump it up if necessary. There are 2 other MB posters here where their H had an A with the wife's sister.

Similar situation. I couldn't locate either of them, I think one was on the Just found out site (can't remember her user name) and the other one here. Do a search and look for the word sister in the title on both JFO and GQII sites.

L.

Welcome to MB. Read all you can here, post here if you're comfortable, it's an amazing source of information and support.

The fact that you stopped the relationship immediately is a step in the right direction towards recovery.

I did that search and here's one of the threads Orchid was referring to:

Hubby had affair with my sister....

Jen

the no contact thing just wont work here.so what i would suggest is nc alone.i mean the only contact with OB(other brother) should be done only relating to family issues and only be done in the presence of others.no stepping outside to talk about this.i would suggest that nc at all be obseved for a while.your husband has issues to work out with you and his bother,so give him the time to do this without having to worry about what you are doing.

most important is to determine why you have the A to begin with.fix that so it never happens again.
it wouldn't hurt to ask your husband what his soloution to this is.he is the one that you need to make up to right now.in fact i would suggest you ask him.

I need to clarify for better help. It was my H's sisters H. We started talking about how to fix his marriage and just got way too close and comfortable, too much in common in terms of non-emotional siblings and started getting a little physical with each other. It was never about not loving my husband, I do love him, He just never expressed himself to me the way my brother in law and I were able to talk to each other. I know I never should have allowed any conversation between us to get that personal, but I did, mistake made, now the penalty is to be paid. My H still loves me, we don't know how to deal with the proximity and family issues.

I understand how you feel. We are almost in similar spot. I had an A with my cousin's H while separated from my H. Which makes things worse and reconciliation difficult on my side. We are still separated. And I am working on myself right now. I am gaining support from MB's.

It is difficult. Because of OM and my selfishness, we have ruined a not so close (we live in different countries) but beautiful relationship with my cousin, our family & relatives. Nobody knows about the truth. We both denied it. Believing that it will help to minimize the damage that we have done.

I will follow your thread. I know their inputs will help you... and me in the process.
~God Bless~

bump...

Thanks for your input. You know, I never would have thought myself capable of hurting someone this way, especially after going through the betrayal myself 3 years ago. I know it doesn't matter that we never actually had, sex and I never should have let it get there. My H and I know we need to work on our emotional and honesty issues, but I really do think we both love each other and that there is hope for us, I'm just not sure about the whole family thing.

Thanks for your input. You know, I never would have thought myself capable of hurting someone this way, especially after going through the betrayal myself 3 years ago. I know it doesn't matter that we never actually had, sex and I never should have let it get there. My H and I know we need to work on our emotional and honesty issues, but I really do think we both love each other and that there is hope for us, I'm just not sure about the whole family thing.

I never thought that I would do "it" either. I am so sorry... for what I have done. And still working on myself on how to deal with it.

You are in a better situation. And we found the right place to talk it out. Here at MB. Inputs from experienced MB'ers are on the way. So, just keep on posting.

~God Bless~

i'm confused,

LC1917 posted on "just found out"

It was a husband looking for help because of his wife and brother in law.

Are you two posting under the same name?

Yeah, we both started just looking together, then I posted and so did he but we only registered the one time when we were together. Sorry about the confusion, same story two different sides, same family, same name.

LC,

I replied to your H post. Please read my thread: WW-How did you survive after an affair?. You will find Hope4Future valuable inputs. She had an A with her H's cousin,too, three years ago. Hope it will help...

~God Bless~

THanks for your suggestions!!! h and I are so up and down. Because We've both been on the other side, you would think we would get by better, that we would understand more what the other is going through, I guess it doesn't make a difference. Every time he expresses his feelings and I respond, he thinks I'm getting "mad" so now he says he wont express himself. I guess that's what got us where we were in the first place. I'm not ready to give up if he isn't so the long road ahead looks so darn long....

Wish you well...