Hi guys-

WW has truly flipped her lid. We have a joint custody agreement. 182 nights with me...182 with her.

They have been with me for 23 out of the 28 nights in February because of me leaving on business then I am actually going on a cruise for a friends wedding.

#1- She is pissed and threatened me that "If I go on this cruise, she isn't going to fall in love with me again" Ummm OK?

#2- All my children could say is how their Mom talked bad about me while they were with them and my 5 year old daughter said "It made me cry"--
I asked her if she took the same parenting classes I did where one of the first topics is protecting these little children's self-esteem. That it absolutely batters it when anyone speaks ill of one of their parents. All I tell them is how much I love their Mommy. She replied in an e-mail "Yes I did take the same parenting class DR Spock"--Ummm Ok?

When she sees me, she flies off the handle at the drop of a dime yells "Go to Hell [censored]"--Right in front of my daughters.

I just can't beleive it it feels like I am in the twilight zone. Why do I want to put up with this.

All I have tried to do is be calm, but sometimes its so hard. Sometimes I just want to be an a-hole too.

In a way it hurts terribly...on the other hand...the more she acts like this, the easier it becomes to let go.

I am worried about my kids emotional health. These girls love me, I know this. Yet their mother calls me down right in front of them. That can't be healthy can it?

Please help

<small>[ March 05, 2003, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: Archuletan ]</small>

Archulutean--

My apologies, how do I change my tittle?

Guys & Gals-

Is being like this a way to provoke me into being a jerk? So she can tell everyone what a jerk I am and "No wonder I cheated"

Just wondering. What is you alls advise about my daughters? I am so worried about them

Rlyhurtin,
You are absolutely right that this isn't good for your girls.

I think you are right in not retaliating in the same manner...what would happen if she cussed at you and you said, "I'd like for us to be civil in front of the children. If you'd like to curse at me, let's set a time and place for you to do that."

Would that shock her into some semblance of thinking? Or would she just go off worse?

She sounds awful. I can't imagine why she would think this does her any good? Making her kids cry?

The other thing...document what she says and who she says it in front of. Log the conversation as soon as you can. Maybe she shouldn't have joint custody.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rlyhurtin:
<strong>Guys & Gals-

Is being like this a way to provoke me into being a jerk? So she can tell everyone what a jerk I am and "No wonder I cheated"

Just wondering. What is you alls advise about my daughters? I am so worried about them</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES, she is trying to goad you into bitter arguments so that she can justify to herself (and others) why she cheated. But you are doing great in not letting her push your buttons because the only thing that would achieve is you loosing control of your emotions (and turning you in to a wild bull inside a china shop) at a time when your rational mind should be in control not only for you, but for your children as well. Keep your cool and she'll soon realize that she can not manipulate your emotions, and give up (well as best as an emotionally crippled individual can).

You might want to consider scheduling a meeting with a child psychologist, so that your daughters can get help. It would also serve as documentation in family court, in that she has emotionally abused the children and would make a very strong case against her as a fit parent, if you want to seek custody of your kids. Ask the psychologists regarding the wisdom of persuing a restraining order against her for abusing the children.

The next time she starts a tirade, get yourself and the kids as far away from the situation ASAP. It does nobody any good to stay put and take as much venom she spews out. Until she resolves her anger and abuse issues, concentrate on your wellbeing and that of your childrens (the marriage can wait).

Here's a drastic thought:

Tape one of those episodes, let her show her best ranting stuff. Then when the children are out of earshot and she is a bit calmer, play it for her. Let her know that this is what she sounds like to you and the children. Ask her if that is ok with her. If she is dumb enough to say yes, then take this as proof and go to your lawyer. Maybe they can direct you to an agency that will require her to prove she is displaying proper behavior towards you and the children.

Her current abusive actions are NOT acceptable behavior.

JMHO,
L.