I've totally given up. I know my H hasn't seen the OW for almost a year. I really think that part is over. But the situation that brought us to that point is still there.
My H is very involved in outside activities and just refuses to give them up, even if it means the end of our marriage. All my hope for a better marriage is gone. I guess I'm just going to accept what we have and deal with it.
Right now I'm in mourning for the marriage we coulld of had if we both wanted it. I told him that this morning and to let me be sad for a couple of days.
We had marriage counciling last night and even the MC thought she couldn't help us anymore. She thinks we are just incompatible.
And she asked why I want to stay in a marriage that makes me miserable? I have no answer for that.
I'm no longer going out of my way to fill his EN, why should I if he has no interest in filling mine? He just wants to be able to do what he wants when he wants. How can a marriage get better if it is a struggle to try to find time together?
I guess I'm just sad today and could really use some imput.

BS (me) 41 FWH 41
Married 18 years together 23
3 Kids D-15, D-12 and S-10
D-day 10/13/01
D-day 2 1/23/02

that's so sad. how is his involvment with the kids? or did he simply say good bye to the family life all together?

I agree sad..but incompatible? for 18 years ....not so sure about that ... there must be something positive .You did say he hasn't seen the ow for almost a year thats a good thing he is still in the home thats another maybe you do just need to be sad for awhile i think we all are entiteld to that!! sometimes I feel like I am doing everything I can and he isn't doing much or doing what he should but i think sometimes they just don't know what to do so they do nothing.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I agree sad..but incompatible? for 18 years ....not so sure about that ... there must be something positive .You did say he hasn't seen the ow for almost a year thats a good thing he is still in the home thats another maybe you do just need to be sad for awhile i think we all are entiteld to that!! sometimes I feel like I am doing everything I can and he isn't doing much or doing what he should but i think sometimes they just don't know what to do so they do nothing.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks Nick 123 for replying to my post. I was just about to give up hope. No he is a great dad and loves to coach our kids inthier respective sports. That's what I love to see him do. It's all the othe committes and boards etc, etc that I'm geting fed ip with.
Mystified... I was a little floored to when our MC stated that. That's hy I don't think that it is really helping.
I 'm feeling a little better... bought myself a bouquet of flowers and had a good cry.
Again thanks for answering
SH01

SH:

"We had marriage counciling last night and even the MC thought she couldn't help us anymore. She thinks we are just incompatible.
And she asked why I want to stay in a marriage that makes me miserable? "

FIRE HER!!!!! Get someone that specializes in helping couples survive infidelity. Consider calling one of the Harleys.

I'm sorry. I've had a couple of counselors like that. They cause more DAMAGE than do good, in my opinion. I agree, if you've been together for 18 years, you're definitely NOT incompatible. SHEEZ!

All my best,
♥Qfwfq