Hello Everyone,
I need help. Following is an update. Please offer suggestion.
A ended in January (False ending in Nov.)
Gambling stopped! He was in terrible debt. I’d ask him to help us with tuition, he ’d say he only had $20.00 left from his paycheck. 3/03 he seems to have cleared his debts that I am aware of.
FWH still living with AIL who caters to him. Bought him a cell phone so she can get in touch with him. AIL nice to me to/keeps son when we need her to, etc. She says she’s happy that FWH is coming around.
He calls more, we’re spending more time together. At our house or AIL. 5 yr old son is enjoying having us together.
FWH gave financial support (support petition through state still pending/We don’t discuss this/I don’t want to stop it either)
Bought a beautiful card (front cover said “ We are partners for life”….inside of card said “we are understanding when we each need our space” and etc), a beautiful arrangement of flowers and chocolate candy (Fanny May Pixies) and a movie. I loved the card the most.
FWH said what may be typical language. Tell me what you think.
FWH says: “What I love about BS is that you are honest and that I can trust whatever you say. “ “I told OW, I can tell when you are lying. “
Per FWH, OW asks” when”?
FWH: “When you open your mouth”. FWH says everything she said was a lie.
FWH goes on to say to BS, “The thing you have to realize is that OW is not the type of woman you would marry”. I never stopped loving you. I did things just to make you angry.
BS: What could I do that perhaps OW did that made you happy?
FWH: Nothing!
FWH: “I feel like I am loosing my best friend”. (Jan 03, BS told FWH “it is obvious that you have made a decision what and who you want and that you don’t want to be a husband or a father, so I am moving on with my life, I have done everything I could and have given as much as I can give.” It will be best for me and our son. This is difficult for us. His countenance became very sad. I didn’t say how I was going to move on. I told him how do you think I feel, when I take our son to school every morning and I have to pass by AIL’s street (apartment), and I don’t see your car there! I asked him if he thought I ever drove by the efficiency where OW lives and sees his car there. He said yes! (I didn’t/but didn’t tell him I didn’t). I asked FWH if he ever drove by our house to check us out. He said, “yes”. This shocked me, because I didn’t think he cared and was not the typical WS in that area). For a week or two he came by our home every night when he got off of work (2nd shift), then that became less and less, but most nights he’d call.
BS: I told FWH that it appears that he is very comfortable with AIL.
FWH: That may not be good though.
From this conversation greater changes occurred and even now continue to. I realize patience is a virtue and I am grateful to God for these changes and movement toward reconciling. I thought that when the A ended, the gambling stopped he’d come begging to come back home. He has been more willing to help us. Now he refers to me as his wife. I am trying to give him his space, for example when we don’t talk for a few days he’ll ask me “why haven’t you called or come by AIL”. He bought son new shoes and wondered why I hadn’t come to get them. I tell him “I am honoring your request for space.” He responded by saying “oh, I guess I will call you.
At times I feel like I am in no position to set or make demands. I asked FWH if he had a plan for his family. He said he did. I told him that when he is ready to discuss them and matters concerning our family let me know. I suggested that he consider our going to marriage counseling, that I was willing.
For those experienced people in this area or those who can share their views please shed some light on this situation. I have read I believe Caroline’s post regarding how she was able to bring her husband to point of deciding to commit totally to his wife and family.
God Bless you,
WR
