Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 663
P
Porsche Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 663

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 407
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 407
Neil-

Sorry to hear about your difficulties and how things don't seem be getting any better. I had my hand out right up until the time of our final D hearing, with similar feelings of despair at her refusal to come home. Not only was I sad for me, but I really feared for what the future held for her. It can get better for you though, as hard as it is to believe. You can find happiness and a healthy relationship with a good women if this doesn't work out with your W. There's nothing wrong with continuing to love your W and care about her well being, even though you'll likely D.

I have to tell you though that, from what I recall, you've really done all you can to save the M. IMO, the crux of the problem is that your W refuses to take the steps necessary to make herself whole again. And without that, your M has little chance of surviving. Sorry to sound so pessimistic but you and your girls will be better off without her in her present state. I'm sure she has lots of good qualities but you can't "fix" her and make her love you (and more importantly) herself. Good luck man, I'll be praying for your family.

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,512
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,512
I agree with litchfield but I know that's not what you want, you want a way to make it work.

Extending you a hand, wish I could do more.

SS

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
Neil .. I have been there. Nothing you could do. I have tried to save M but to no avail, I have tried to save my ex from OM (he is really bad news, wolf in a sheep skin) to no avail, I try to save my 2 D since exW does damaging stuff and I won't want to see my 2D stray or run away, I try to keep my sanity and my own personal healing. The first two I could live with it since I could say I had tried my best. The last two are under my control and make me feel good and see what life could offer me now.

When you are going through hell ... KEEP GOING ! (Winston C). If you stop you will stuck in this hell. By keep going, at least you know that this hell will not last but tough people will. Be strong brother, no where to go but getting better. -rh-

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 663
P
Porsche Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 663
Just letting you all now I am now divorced. Have spent the last three hours crying, feel absolutely crushed now. Didn't want it, had little choice.

Of course my X no longer wants to talk to me, its all my fault of course. I doubt I will back here at all, except maybe under a new id that she cannot read.

Neil.

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Neil,

.....but we know better and so do you. XW probably knows better also but too much in the river of denial to admit it. XW may continue to walk around with her head in the fog. Life will make her bump into reality sooner or later. In the meantime you cry as needed, get your support group together, make plans for the future and execute them (the good stuff, ok?).

take care,
L.

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
Neil,

Don't go away ... help other to pass through their h3ll in the coaster ride. Also check up Golllum Song ... listen to the lyrics. She will end up like that.

-rh-

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 840
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 840
Neil,
Well, it's done now. Look at it as an opportunity for a fresh start, to move on. (here I go again, the eternal optimist). You tried tried and tried - everybody is witness to this. Your xW will continue to struggle - but that's her problem now, definately not yours. Move on, get happy, you & your girls deserve it! Suggest that everytime you think lowly of yourself or about xW you pinch yourself in the backside.
N

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 987
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 987
Neil

So sorry that it has "finally" happened.

You will be OK, you will come out the other side and be fine.

Nick has a great way with words, remember a good hard pinch.

Thinking of you
Lisa

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 663
P
Porsche Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 663
Thanks Guys. First real day of Divorce and I get a **** load of abuse about money because I am trying to sort it out and soem amzing stuff about all the old stuff including how bad MB's is.

Even saw Om5 for the first time. You know when you worry about them being so much better than you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 257 guests, and 59 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
MillerStock, Mrs Duarte, Prime Rishta, jesse254, Kepler
71,946 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Happening again
by happyheart - 03/08/25 03:01 AM
My spouse is becoming religious
by BrainHurts - 02/20/25 11:51 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,490
Members71,947
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5