Hey, everyone! Anyone miss me?

I'm back from sunny, warm Florida/Tampa. What a BLAST I had with my friends. To any of you suffering through problems with an affair right now, a vacation if you can afford it is HIGHLY recommended. I can't begin to say how great it was to get away and just have fun and forget my problems for a while. I am back, and I feel so energized, so refreshed. It helps also that I finally got some sun (and a suntan!) as they say that the sun has energizing qualities. Ever since my W had her A, it's been cold and wintry here in Pennsylvania, which didn't help with my mental state.

So, right now I hate it here in Pennsylvania and miss Florida terribly. It's still cold here though I think the worst is over. I wish I could afford to take a vacation more often.

Anyway, in short, a fine time was had by all. We did a lot of drinking and partying in Tampa and the surrounding area, and spent some time at Clearwater Beach in Florida. I had an incredible self-esteem boost when a very beautiful girl in a bikini basically came up and hit on me at the beach. Spent some time talking to her and even swimming with her, but didn't take it further than that. After all, I'm still married and had to behave. But I guess the bottom line was that she was interested, and interested in ME, and I didn't even really have to work on it. A self esteem boost, plus I think that what I'm learning is starting to show in my attitude and the way I carry myself. She was very attracted to me physically and mentally from her comments. I was on my best behavior though, I'm sure I could have had my revenge A or something but I thought of what I was learning and my marriage and I decided that I will not entertain those ideas until my marriage is over. Two wrongs do not make a right.

I guess what it taught me is that I need not think my romantic life is over if my marriage dissolves. There are women out there who will find me attractive and life will go on. At 29 years old, I still have a lot of time.

So anyway, that leads into my situation presently. With vacation, not a whole lot is new, though I have done a lot of self reflecting.

I did find out that my suspicions were true. When W told me last week that she was headed to the post office, it WAS because she changed her mailing address finally. So, 4 months after D-Day, she has now officially filed that change of address. I know it's a minor thing to switch back, but the symbolism of it all is hurtful and makes me feel like I am not making progress. We had that pleasant visit over lunch last week, but the fact that she changed her mail now shows she doesn't want to come to the house anymore to get her mail. I suspect OM might have moved out of his Mom's place and into her apartment with her, thus the reason she had to have mail forwarded. Otherwise he'd know she was still seeing me occasionally.

So, that doesn't bode well for my situation. I'm approaching 5 months since D-Day, and soon think it'll be time to get into Plan B. But I feel okay about that now, given the good mental state I'm in and my experiences in Florida. I don't feel like a hopeless romantic anymore. I would still love to save my marriage, but I also know that life will go on if I don't. And right now, with my W changing her address and the little attention and courtesy I've been getting from her lately, I'm starting to feel ready to move on.

That's about it really. I sent W an email today to see if she'd be able to come over and finish up with our taxes some night this week. We'll see if she gets back to me and accepts. Again, if OM moved in with her, I will be disappointed, probably even angry about it, as I feel that is WAY over the line as long as she is married, but I can't control that at all. If OM is living there, though, I suspect I'll talk to her and see her even less.

So, in short: Me - Doing pretty good. Happy with myself. Optimistic about MY future. Marriage and W - Situation not really good. Feel it starting to spiral downward. But realize that I did/am doing all I possibly can to save the M. I will be fine no matter what, and I will go on knowing that I did NOT give up on my W or my marriage, she gave up on it on her own.

ALS

<small>[ March 14, 2003, 11:06 PM: Message edited by: ALostSoul ]</small>

Glad to hear your vacation went well. How did you like it in my home city?? I am actually thinking of moving away, too many alligators. I'm watching a news report right now of an attack on a 14 year old boy. He'll be ok, but my paranoid mind can't help thinking "what if it had been one of my YOUNGER kids?". Not to mention all the wierdos in the world seem to congregate here. Got room up there in PA?? Florida/Tampa is a great place to vacation, but I still can't figure out why EVERYONE I care about wants to live here. Hehe, I'm trying to talk my W into moving the family up to my original hometown in WI. She's not into it though <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Oh well. It seems like you're doing very well. Do you and Cerri have a timeline for moving to PB yet?

MTD

Hey MTD,

Didn't know you lived down there! Well I really loved it, but sure, I guess it's tough to really decide if you want to LIVE somewhere before you actually try it out. I'm sure like anywhere else, it gets old. It just seems like there's a lot more to do down there than there is here in PA. Of course, having friends along helped. We spent a couple nights in Ybor City at the bars and had a real great time. Also some of the other local hotspots, Whiskey Park, a Irish place called Four Green Fields, Howl At The Moon, lots more. Stayed right downtown at the Hyatt. So it was perfect.

Funny you're from Wisconsin too. That's where the girl that hit on me at the beach was from. Milwaukee I think she said. Maybe I should have gotten a name in case I want to call her if my M doesn't work out. Hahahah.

As for the alligators, that part does freak me out. The day I left, I was sunbathing at a pool at my friend's apartment complex down there, and a guy came around to collect a snake that was sitting like 2 feet behind us in the shrubs! Crazy!

As for PB, not too sure of that yet, Cerri and I are going to talk about things later this week and figure it all out. I never wanted to move to PB (no one does) but it will soon be my only option as I can feel myself starting to tire of Plan A. I am also asking her to consider the DB approach of "going dark" but Cerri seems to think a letter and strict no contact are still the best bet. In the end I will likely go with exactly what she says.

I still lament the fact that my M is in the dump right now, but at least the vacation and my experiences lately have proven to me that life can go on and still be great without my W as well. And while the rollercoaster may still dip me down and then, right now and since the vacation I've been great.

ALS

ALS:

"Hey, everyone! Anyone miss me?"

Were you gone?

...Sorry! That's an old joke we use around here when our friends come back from vacations! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

♥Qfwfq

Glad to hear you had a good time!

-Qfwfq

Thanks, man. You're a funny dude. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Nice to be back and see you all, but I truly DO miss the sun and taking a vacation from all my marriage problems here at home. But it was very therapeutic, all the same.

Later this week I'll be back focusing on my Plan A some more, just to give it one last push before making a decision about Plan B.

ALS

Sure, whippit, ask about my trip and then let my thread fall off before you even respond! I see how it is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ALS

Sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Glad that you had a great time. I'm sure it was nice to get away for a while. I'm also that you're becoming more centered and gearing up well for the next step. It must be tough knowing that PB is likely imminent.

Hang on, because I can imagine that this will be the hard part.

Ah, there's my pal whippit!

Yeah, it's not going to be easy, but for some reason I feel a little different than I did before I left on vacation. I have sort of a new sense of hope surrounding myself, I just feel refreshed, and generally better. Must have been the sun!

At any rate, I just feel like I've got to go to Plan B for my own good regardless of the outcome. I had such a great time with my friends, and I am sure I can continue to do so. I will miss my W, even the little interactions we've had lately. It will be an adjustment but a necessary step on this journey.

My intention will be to wrap up as many loose ends of business with W as I can now, and then to go completely out of the picture with a Plan B letter. With that I'm sure I'll have some sort of deadline in mind at which point I will just contact W regarding filing no-fault Dv if nothing changes. I won't be angry or bitter about it, I am already getting to be much more accepting of the fact that my M may very well be over.

I think at the point of Plan B ending, there's a couple questions to ask my W, one being "Have I done all I could to save this marriage" and the second "Do you still want to get a divorce?" I'd expect her answer to be YES to both. And if so, then I will be at peace with the fact that I have done all I could to save the marriage, and that she was the one who wanted the Dv.

It's not the brightest outlook, I realize, but for those of you that have been reading, I will say this: It's not an easy journey, but it gets better. I mean I'm closing in on 5 months here and I'm doing better than ever. I had some dips and there may be more on the way, but I can say that generally, I am adjusting. I don't wake up in the morning and think of my W and how much I miss her, I don't think of her empty place in the bed at night. I don't consume myself with thoughts of my M all day long. I do think of all these things from time to time, but what I'm saying is that it doesn't consume my life as it once did. And this makes me feel like I am moving on.

I will continue to read all my books on relationships, even saving marriages, as regardless of the outcome of Plan B, these plans all work. They work to get you through this. I am learning a ton that will help me in whatever relationship I end up. So just because we're not all glowing success stories here, don't think it's a failure. I can honestly say that due to MB, my coach, DB (Divorce Busting), and all you good people here, I am a better, stronger, healthier, smarter, more confident person than I was 5 months ago.

See what a vacation can do to a person? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ALS

Well W is coming over tomorrow evening after work to finalize some tax stuff. As always, it may be a very short or a very long visit. I'll let her set the tone. She responded to my 3 paragraph e-mail with one 6 word sentence as usual. I always hate that. But at least she responded, and only took a day and a half this time.

However, after tomorrow's visit, I am planning on sort of slowing up with my Plan A and gearing up for B. Without an excuse to get together, I'm just being totally ignored by W, and now that she's changed her mail around and such, I think tomorrow will be my last attempt to have her over. In the past, when I've disappeared, she's come around on her own, so perhaps that will happen again. I'll plant some seeds (perhaps remind her of a movie I am saving for us to watch sometime) and we'll see if she ever makes an effort to come by.

Will of course give you all the full report tomorrow.

ALS

Congratulations on how well you're doing. I am only one month away from D-day and am into Plan A now, but sometimes feel I can already see the writing on the wall. It is encouraging to know that, like you, if I do everything I can to save my marriage that I will be able to move on knowing that I am a better man for having tried. Hang in there, don't give up yet. Plan B may just be the shock that is needed.

rbbcnwy,

I know it sounds crazy right now, but it does get better. It takes a lot of time, patience, and understanding, but it does. I was still making mistakes 1 month out from D-Day, even after finding MB. It's tough to just change your actions overnight, especially when usually the right thing to do to save your relationship goes against a lot of your instincts.

It's good that you're here. Stick with your Plan A and know that you are trying your best. That's all I could have hoped for myself. I know that in my heart I have given my wife and my marriage as much chance as I can, and I will never look back wondering if I could have done any more. The friends and family members that know what I'm going through are also impressed that I have been able to give it so much. So I am proud of myself and happy that I just didn't walk away from this, and I know that I have been doing my best. The fight isn't over for me yet, but the natural course of actions are taking place and I plan to see the program through.

ALS