Oh I'm so glad you are still here. I have missed you. Yes my life is a mess right now. I will post the letter i have given him. at the end. Now, where in Florida, and I am so jealous. I go to Florida every year for vacation. Just me and my two beautiful kids. We go to Panama City Beach - I rent a condo there. Its awsome. Your right though. the ocean never answers my guestions either and I always have to go home.
I'm sorry you are having that awful feeling. Sometimes its impossible to shake that feeling of inpending doom. Like no matter what, you know its coming, it just when.
I am glad that football is still an option. I know how much you all love it.
Ok now my letter. maybe you will have an idea or two for me. I'm not quite ready to give up, but things can't go on like they are that is for sure.
Sorry its so long, Ok monday he took OW to court. SHe didn't have a ride.??? WHAT EVER
Monday was very hard on me, as have these last 18 months. If we were honest, we both knew it would be, we just wanted to pretend it was ok, for different reasons.
I first want to apologized for this morning. I should have talked to you about how I felt on Monday. But I thought that once again I could let it go. But i am tired of letting everything go. You are disrespecting me by continuing your relationship on what ever level with TJ. I have asked you on many occasions to break off all contact with her and you can’t or won’t. I have reached the end of my ability to cope with it
Like i told you this morning, i don't like who i am becoming. I am angry, Angry at myself for allowing you to walk all over me. Angry at you for continuing your relationship with the woman you cheated on me with, even though you know it is hurting me. Angry at you for not placing any value on me, my feelings, wants and needs. Angry at TJ for hanging on to something that is mine, and for lying about it and manipulating you. (Wether you think so or not she is) Angry about money. I work my butt off and i don't even have enough money to pay my bills. So my credit is ruined again. Angry that i am not brave enough to do something about how angry i am. Angry at myself for not being able to tell the truth., because I am afraid of the consequences. Even though I still it ends up hurting anyway. Keeping my feelings to myself and trying to not stress you out and to not make you mad so you will want to be with me and not TJ isn’t solving anything.
The point of this letter. I need you to decide what it is and what you want and do it. I understand that you say you have already chosen. But what choice, You still have a relationship with both of us I know you say you don't want her, but your actions say other wise. I think you want to have your way. You want is to have your cake and eat it too. You want a wife to do the crap that you don't want to do (big d rental, carter, taxes, bills, bill collectors, dealing with money issues that are embarrassing. children, laundry, clean up. ect..) and a girlfriend to stroke your ego and make you feel big and strong, needed and important (which i am sure she is good at). Well let her try and do all i do. (excluding our children of course) and see how she measures up. I think TJ would make your life hell. But maybe I am wrong, maybe you would be happy.
I am tired of feeling bad, I am tired of carrying the load. I know you want things to continue as they are you think they are fine. (Until days like today. ) Well they aren’t. In your heart you know it and I know it. I think we need to come up with a plan to move on with our lives. I can't do what we have been doing anymore. I have tried my best to stick with marriage but it has gotten to the point that i don't see it getting better or changing and i won't live with other women in your life. Sad to say, i have done the best i could to make you happy and it hasn’t been enough. I want the pain to stop.
I want you to think about what I have written, and let me know by the end of March what your decision is. If at that time you can’t tell me one way or another. I will start making plans for the summer. While school is out for the kids and I, we could do like we planned last summer. Maybe we just need a break from each other. I didn't leave last summer because of money and I was afraid. Well, it didn't really help our relationship for me to stay and our money is still bad. I will hope that if it comes to this, it will give you the time you need and the perspective to make the best choice for you. I want you to understand, this isn't a threat, or an ultimatum. I can't do it anymore.
I love you,
