Hello all.<P>I posted here a few times in Sept -Nov 1998 when I found out my wife had an affair with a co-worker.<BR>They started out being friends but ended up being something more, she admitted sleeping with him one time, and regretted it. She realized after she slept with him it was a big mistake and that she truly loved me and broke it off immediately. Since then our relationship has improved greatly and we are once again in love with each other. She is genuinely sorry for the Pain and suffering she caused me (and shows it daily). During this time we went to consoling where we were able to talk about what happened. The problem is, that was the only time we talked about it. We have been out of consoling for several months and have not really talked about it since. To this day she has refused to tell me who the guy was, citing several reasons, afraid I would go after him, I would compare myself to him (I have lost 80lbs and workout every day), I would throw his name in her face during an argument. I can’t help feeling the real reason is that she is afraid that I may find out something more than she has told me, although she fiercely denies this. Even though it has been 14 months I still think about it daily. She just wants to put it behind us and move on, which is understandable from her point of view, after all she was sorry, went to consoling, and is trying to make amends. I on the other hand, have a problem with this train of thought. She was not the one who was devastated, depressed and broken. After all she was spending time with someone she enjoyed being with, he got her best I got her worst. Do I insist she talk to me and risk causing problems in our renewed relationship, or do I just leave things as they are and go on? I did try to start a conversation a few weeks ago to which she got angry and said “what is left to talk about” at which point I dropped it. Help!!!<BR><P>------------------<BR><I>Fred</I>

I don't know what to tell you other than I will trade places with you.<P>Nah, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, well, maybe one slimy, heartless, slob.<P>I'd give anything to have my W back and be able to talk and hold her period. I know alot of what has gone on between her and OM, alot I don't and don't care at this point. Get her back to me and Lord willing watch my love catch fire!<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited November 11, 1999).]

Hey Fred<P>I am the betrayer, and I answered every question my W posed to me fully and truthfully. IMO, it is the only way to <B>truly</B> prove to her that I am hers 100%. As the injured party, she has the absolute right to know whatever she wants, and it would be disrespectful and evasive of me to not answer everything whenever she asks.<P>Were the situation reversed, I know *I* would not be able to even begin to rebuild the marriage without at least knowing who it was. Not to go after him, or any of the other reasons you stated, but for my W to <B>prove</B> to me the sincerity of her commitment. <P>I think you have every right to know.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Fred,<P>I was exactly like your W: co-worker, one time of sexual intercourse, big MISTAKE, etc.<P>I say she needs to tell you. But how are you going to get her to tell you without lovebusting all over the place - nagging is lovebusting? I think she will tell you in time, and you must be patient. Accept the good that's come so far, and wait. And the fact that you think of it daily sound pretty normal. <P>By the way, I told my H who the guy is. I believe in total honesty. It was scary, but it was the right thing to do...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>