Well, we went to conference at my lawyers office today. I found out the real SNL. Caring, no! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> This is what he wants in the divorce. Remember when he said he cared about me, wanted the best for me, would take care of me, would be there for me. I stated earlier in this divorce that I didn't believe him. And you know what, I was right.

He wants the house in Arizona. Of course he lied about telling me about purchasing the house. He lied for 3 months, and he is getting the house. Of course it was my settlement money that bought the house. But does he care, no! He wants all the vehicles, except my piece of crap, that is breaking down every 3 weeks. Of course he doesn't want to buy me a new vehicle, and I told my lawyers this van was used extensively for work. Does he care about me, no! He wanted the house in Michigan here. But he is not getting the house. He wants all the affair stuff that my lawyer has, both lawyers kind of laughed at that one. I said, why did you let him talk you into it. Why didn't you say no? And this has shown the real SNL, that was speaking of caring, loving, taking care, and all. He does not want to take care of anymore of my medical bills starting March 1. He cancelled the health insurance, he hasn't paid for all the bills of my rotator cuff surgery that SNL did to my shoulder. Now I have to see a neck specialist. And he does not want anymore medical bills. But he doesn't care that I will be stuck with them, and this could amount to $50K or more. All depends. Of course this is a preexisting condition. So what are the chances of getting health insurance, none. He does not want to take responsibility for his actions. He doesn't care, if I go down the drain.

But for those of you who talked to SNL, and saw his statements of how much he cared, and was going to take care of me. The truth comes out.

Boy I should of seen all the signs of a controlling, manipulating person when we were dating. I am finding more things everynight I go to discussion group for battered wives. That is where I was tonight.

For those of you in this situation, watch out.

<small>[ March 14, 2003, 06:18 AM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

Hi Faith,

You are sounding stronger and stronger with every post. Keep it up.

There is more of what he wants. He wanted the snow blower, in ARIZONA? What for, I said no. He wants me to sign the income tax this year. I said no. There is no way we net the amount he said and I could prove it by getting all the books. But told my lawyers I asked for them, and he will not give them to me. He wants all the shelving units in the house. I said only the computer room. He wants, to claim the kids on his income taxes, I said no. He wants the dept owed to my parents for the last 20 years to be bye,bye, I said no, and of course he won. He wanted me to get a loan on this house in Michigan, to pay off our daughters $K's debt on a credit card. I said no, he got angry with me, and put me down. Both the lawyers said no. No way. If he wants to pay off the loan, he can with the house he gets in Arizona. He wanted to keep the business phones in the house I am living in. I said NO!. Then he came back with him telling my lawyers & his lawyer to figure out a plan. My lawyer and his lawyer said it is your problem not theirs. My lawyer made a great suggestion, that he buy our son a cell phone purposely for the business line, and of course SNL said NO. So this is his problem. I want all of his stuff out of the house in 30 days from divorce, final. Everything. And I want an order, which will be in the records, that he is not to come to the house. SNL never gave me the respect for disconnection that I needed. Plan A was his way, Plan B was his way. My lawyer was upset with me, for inviting him for dinner. Just was trying to be nice. But no more. He is done having dinner. He doesn't want to do things here to help fix the house. He doesn't care about my health, which was noted today, doesn't care if I have health insurance, doesn't care if I get any more medical help. Doesn't care if I run out of money for prescription coverage. SNL made it adamantly clear he is done with me. So much for the taking care of me, and etc. He will have 30 days, to get his stuff out. Whatever he doesn't have, too bad. It will be over. After all he signed papers that he was to have his stuff out in October with his lawyer signing and the lawyer told him about this at conference. Of course, he put that strain on me, by stating that he has no where to put that stuff. So that is my problem, no, that is the controller and manipulator talking. He doesnt want to take responsibility for his actions, or problmes. He puts the blame on me, and uses the kids against me. His lawyer told him last week to stop it, and yesterday to stop it. Once again his lawyer saw how he uses the kids against me.

Since I want the business phones out totally, I suggested that our son that SNL said he will answer the phone, and I talked to the son, he doesn't want to, cause he really doesn't want to go into the business, he is studying at the University to be a aerospace engineer, but I suggested that the son live with him. Of course SNL doesn't want the son to live with him. And then SNL had the nerve to turn it around on me and stated where both the lawyers heard it, that I am throwing the son out. I turned right to SNL's lawyer and said, see this is what I have to deal with on a daily basis. Lawyer said to him stop it. SNL did not apologize, never will apologize, but this is a controller, and uses whatever he can to put me down, and grind me to a pulp. I am his punching bag, and he uses it whenever he feels he wants to.

He wants my Alimony to be paid outright. I said, no, it is to go through court. Both lawyers said, it is to go through the courts. What happens if he doesn't want to pay, he won't. So then it would be my total responsibility to get the money.

Also, he wants to pay alimony only till I get married again. I said no. And I told my lawyer, this is for me never getting a paycheck working for him parttime before 1990 and fulltime after 1990 till now. See, SNL made the net of income tax so low, that his social security is going to be low. And his lawyer had to explain this to SNL. So when it comes time to retire, I get 1/2 of SNL's social security, but with him stating the low amount that we made, it will be nothing. And his lawyer told him this.

This is the real SNL, selfish, and uncaring. So this is what SNL wants, I am going to have documents, that he will sign with his lawyer, on things having to be done. He always states, that that is the way he is. Well, maybe he needs to look in the mirror sometimes, and see that this is not a good way to be. And maybe now that he is totally on his own, he will have to remedy his lack of organization, trying to be in control, and abiding to the rules, and orders of the judge. I am not there to bail him out anymore. No more, I am taking control of my life and moving on. I am going to purchase one thing out of what I get, a bicyle for biking and exercising. I have wanted a bike for years, suggested it for birthday, x-mas, etc. Now I will get this long waited bike, so I can travel and take with me and join a biking group. Found one, and if I am healed physically, I am going to join. Maybe I can find a christian, healthy, physically in shape, attractive man to be friends with. If that is what God wants for me. If not, I will just bike with the group and have fun. I have always wanted SNL and I to join a running class, or a biking class, or a class that had to do with physical fitness. But he was content to sit. And I wasn't. SNL and I met at a run for your life class. And that hurts, that he was not interested in doing this together.

Instead he gets on the computer and finds a cyber friend, and plays with her, for the week we were in her state, and goes in a deep FFOOGGG.... which he hasn't admitted yet. And really destroyed this family. That I am not responsible for, he is totally responsible for his sexual affair. He was totally responsible for his actions. And she was totally responsible for her sexual actions, and she knew totally what she was doing, since this was her second for sure sexual affair.

Anyways. That is enough of that stupid woman.

There is so much that SNL doesn't want to take responsibility for. And for his mother being evicted, and now we have 2 more weeks to get her out. And of course, where is she going to live? Yep, SNL might win again, with me. But you know, God sees what he is doing, and what I am doing. I am sorry that he is this way, but there is nothing that I can do anymore for him. He has made his life the way it is, and he has to deal with it. All I know is that I will be out of his life, and I won't have to worry about bills not being paid, phones being cut off, collection agencies calling. I have been dealing with this most of my married life. That will now be his problem. I am sorry he feels that no one can control him, but until he decides that the government overrules him, he will always be a controller & a manipulator, to whomever he decides to live with. His statement is, If everyone would just cooperate with him. Well, he needs to look in the mirror, and see how he has destroyed this family, and how he is acting, as a selfish man. God wants you to treat others like you would want others treating you.

Couldn't sleep again, so decided to vent and write. One day, I will be able to sleep with ease of no pain. But that is my problem now, and looks like I will have to get medical government help. Going to look into that tomorrow. So I guess I will be a guinea pig for the government. This is what SNL wants. Just what is important to SNL and it is all about him. Just a time to state my opinion.

<small>[ March 14, 2003, 06:34 AM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm so sorry, Faith.

Well, did my daily routine, of physical therapy, and saw the Dr. and then helped my motherinlaw pick out paint for the one bedroom. That is the only room that is resembling some habitual conditions.

But you know, I am helping my MIL, and I am moving on. No need to turn to SNL for anything now. No need to turn to him to talk about anything. He has made it abundantly clear, that he is one screwed big time. I talked to a Dr. about him today, and she had a controlling husband like mine, and her husband also tore her rotator cuff (we had the same surgeon) and her husband also had an affair. But the thing is, she was an emergency Dr. and now works in a physicians building. She had the money to hire a very good attorney and her husband is paying for his controlling behavior. And she made out pretty good, got the kids.

We talked about controllers, manipulators. Intelligence. She asked me about some of SNL's characteristics, and arm movements, and eyes. She asked about his language, social skills, friends, dealing with customers, dealing with the kids, dealing with strangers. Talked about group of people, how he handles it. Talked about activities he likes to do. There was so much her husband and mine had in common. More and more, there are so many guys out there like that.

We talked about his affair, the lies, the deceit, the justification. What he feels now about his affair, and how he acted during the affair, and of course withdrawal.

We talked about settlement, and gave me some good advice. Wish I knew some of this before. She gave me some places to go for information. Anyways, it was a worthwhile treatment, and I will continue to treat with her for some time. She was highly recommended by another Dr. and I can see why. She is one on one, works with you for 1/2 hour the first time, and 1/2 hour the second time. Then after she gives you 15 minutes. She is not out to get rich, but to help people in need. I like her phylosophy. She wants to be there to help people and make them better.

Well, I think I will lay down and take a nap. I am tired a lot, and she has reason for this too. Good to know, that things will get better with my body, in the long run.