My husband stopped saying he loved me almost a year ago. Then after trying to live together for eight months, he was tired and decided to leave. He says that he feels God is asking Him to. He doesn't have any answers for me.

Hi Blueviolet,

Welcome to MB. I am not as spiritually knowledgabel as some others out here. I do not believe that God would call to him and ask him to leave his marriages. As many have pointed out, God hates divorce. I don't know where or how they know this, but I do believe this is true.

You will get other responses here.

Blueviolet, I am so sorry for what you are going thru and I agree with Sue with hope, because when your H married you, he not only made vows to you but to God as well. He can NOT use God as an excuse to leave you.

Your WH does not have a personal relationship with God. Don't ever let him intimidate you by his hypocrisy. The other responses were dead on. God hates divorce. And HE only allows divorce in the case of infidelity. HE allows it so the believing spouse can be free to remarry. But even with that, HE grieves over a broken covenant that HE created. Hey, if it makes your WH happy to believe his justifications then he is in store for a big eye opener. Take the opportunity now for yourself to get into a Bible study or read A Marriage Without Regrets by Kay Arthur. She even has the book on audio. She is an unbelievable teacher. Stay strong. You know what's right.

if my husband wants a divorce and i dont does that mean god is allowing it becaseu my husband had an infidelity? becuse i know i sure didnt

separated-what do I do #2
So, yeah, I don't agree with him leaving at all. I don't hink that God would ordain a separation either. I told him my thoughts on this today. Our friendship has bounced around for the last month and a half (he loves me he loves me not kind of thing). I'm tired of guessing. I told him I couldn't live like this anymore. He stormed out like I thought he would (although we were on the phone). "I'm tired of trying to have anything with you," I think he said.

Right now I have not given up on my husband, but have told him that I just don't agree with all the terms. He wants to be friends but doesn't give in to the friendship at all. I feel like the lone ranger. I told him that I have given up on this idea of friendship that he has presented.

There is so much more to him leaving then just walking out. I wasn't meeting his needs like the doctor talks about in the questions and answers section (can one spouse save). I'm thinking the doctor would say to do what ever I could to meet my husband's emotional needs; create an environment of trust for him. I don't know what to do, because I don't want to give in to this separation. I don't want my husband to think that I agree with what he's doing by rewarding his behavior. Is my taker in charge of my reactions? It's so hard!

My husband wasn't the only one hurt in the relationship either. He was just the first one to walk out.

He doesn't want counseling- even to talk to a spiritual friend that could help him weigh things out. It's so frustrating! He just wants to sit back and wait to see what God does. I think he's just scared of recommiting. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

I lose my mind when I try to figure out his side. I do know that after talking to my husband today, I feel peace. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens next.

He did call me later tonight after "storming out." Maybe his eyes are opening up. Ok now that I've shown you how completely confused I am- please respond!

Your H has a free will of his own. He has to make his choices. God will never make you or anyone follow Him. The world would be a different place if that were the case. What God will do is release you from the marriage covenant because your H has broken it. That means you aren't tied into his sinful patterns any longer. This then would give you the chance to remarry with a Godly man. But remember that if you are walking down the path that God has intended for you, He can use you through your growth, your actions, your spiritual maturity to be a sound witness to your H. And that't when God's miracles really take place. If you have God in you, you H won't have anything over you.(he doesn't anyway) He will be puzzled by your action and peacefulness especially during this horrible trial. He can't win against the Lord and this might be exactly what might turn you H to Him.

lkjm3,
I just realized that I posted my question in the wrong section. I want you to know that there is no infedelity involved in our marital problem. Are your answers still the same, now that you know that? And do you know how I might move my question to another section without having to type it all over? -bv

BV...If your H is an unbeliever and he wants out, you are released. Again, your H is responsible for his own actions. BUT... if he is a believer and just wants out then he is not n obedience w/ God. He is sinning. God doesn't authorize a pass because he doesn't feel like loving you or staying in a commitment. The Lord commands us to love each other. There is no room for "feeling" like it. Your H's love for you is to be unconditional. God's love for us doesn't have a price on it. And that is one of the reasons He takes marriage so seriously because it represents Christ's love and promise for us. And... we are not here on this earth to just walk around and fullfill our own needs and desires. We are placed here to represent Christ and help witness to others so that they may know His Most High and unconditional love. Pray for your H. Pray often. And get a team of people that will legitimately pray for you two. Then he will be able to see what God really has in mind for his life, and yours too...Get that Kay Arthur book. Oh, and I am kind of new here and don't know how to move things around. Good luck!

Oh, BV... one more book, it's awesome because it doesn't hold back anything. It's called What To Do When Your Husband Says I Don't Love You Anymore...By David Clarke... A Christian therapist who tells it like it is and has a Dr. Dobson "Tough Love" approach when our husbands are sinning whether infidelity, idols,addiction,etc.

ljkm3,
Thanks for all the time you've spent giving your opinion. I am thankful for your love for the Lord. He has used you in a mighty way! -bv

BV... Anytime girl. Thank you for your compliment. Isn't it funny how the Lord can use us in a positive and wonderful way even in the midst of quite possibly the worse trial of our lives? We have hope. We are blessed. Stay in touch.

hey faithful,
things are going ok today. I still feel so peaceful about deciding to break off the relationship completely. I am definatley going to read the book on tough love that you suggested.

My husband and I are definately moving into a deeper separation. He's called about financial stuff and about coming to get more of his belongings.

The peace of the Lord is so strong. I know that I am where I need to be right now. I just feel so sad that my husband is accepting the lies of the Devil so easily. I can't believe he's falling away so far without even realizing it. He really thinks that he's walking with the Lord. That's why it was so hard for me to break that last string, because I only want to support him and submit to him, you know?

I see the Lord answering prayer faithfully. Since I broke the last string, my husband makes odd phonecalls to me during the day. This is not his style. He's never called me so much during the day. Now of course it's to say get my suit case ready, but two days prior to the scheduled pick up of the suitcase. This kind of phonecall is not like him. He just usually waits till he sees me to give me all the information. We'll see what this is all about. I am only hopeful.

A few friends and myself have been praying for my husband for a long time knowing that him working on Sunday was not necessary. I'm learning now that recently his boss has been hinting to my husband about dropping Sundays and taking two days off. It's amazing.

I've been reading the power of a praying wife- stormie something. Wow, it's amazing.

I just want him to come home. I know now what kind of wife I could be and it kills me that he's not giving our relationship a chance to flourish. I know that I've hurt him so much. I do have a good question for you. What about his love bank? Do you think I should be completely depending on God to be filling my husband's right now. It's partly my fault that it's so empty. I feel the responsibility. What do you think about that?

Now one more question- who are you? Are you a marriage counselor? I cannot tell you how amazing your words have been. I have needed this and God has sent you to help me I know it. If you are not into counseling I recommend that you seriously think about it.

Well I know you might want to keep your privacy. But I'd like to know more about you; this person that I'm taking so much advice from. Well I'm going to stop thanking you now- bv

BV, I am so glad that something I have said has helped you. This only makes my faith in the Lord stronger. He is teaching both of us now and He wants our hearts to be opened for His guidence.I know you just want him to come home, i want the same in my case also. But you know things can't go back to the way they were before. You keep working on you, everyday. The Power of a Praying Wife is awesome! I have been purchacing audio tapes of books like hers to listen to when I am walking. With walking almost daily and those tapes, it has been a powerful stress buster! I realize you are aware of your faults in your marriage, and that's good!!!! You are drawing closer to the Lord. Any time you discover something you didn't do quite right, take it to prayer immediately. I am going to share with you some of the things I am learning right now in my Bible study with you. I have the most amazing Bible leader...Hope this helps...HUSBANDS AND THE ROLE OF SUBMISSION...PS:97-10..A sincere desire to please God will result in an alignment of your desires w/ God. HUSBANDS DUTIES...It isn't their responsibility to make their wives submit...IT IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO CREATE W/IN THEIR WIVES A LOVING TRUST THAT LEADS TO SUBMISSION. Submission is an attitude of the heart. Rom.8:7 says those controlled by sinful nature cannot please God. {The flesh cannot subject to Authority. Your obligation is first to God, same for your H. Here's the mix up about submission: SUBMISSION IS NOT BLIND OBEDIENCE. Here's what I am learning about how to pray [LIST] 1.Prayer is Relational(from you to Him). 2.focus on Jesus.3.Come with a genuine heart. 4. Come as a child. 5.Keep Prayers simple. 6.Come with preparation. Prayer teaches us 1. To communicate w/ God. 2. Patience. 3.Increases our faith. 4. Humbles us. 5. Shows our love for God and others. 6. Demonstrates we deeply trust God. Remember He had ORDAINED prayer as the medium between us and God. (Luke 6:12) You know I am not a counselor on any level. I am crawling daily. Stay close to your prayer partners. They will be honest w/ you. Read Psalm 139:23-24 and refer back to that daily. I'm in Florida. Where are you located? Next message I'll share w/ you the fun things my H has put me through. But it's funny that with each passing day I can feel my growth in this process and will fully embrace any outcome God has planned for me. Sorry I was so long winded.

Hey,
I have a great verse to share with you too. Psalm 68:1-3
May God arise, may his enemies be scattered; may his foes flee before him. As smoke is blown away by the wind, may you blow them away; as wax melts before the fire, may the wicked perish before God. BUT MAY THE RIGHTEOUS BE GLAD AND REJOICE BEFORE GOD; MAY THEY BE HAPPY AND JOYFUL.
God wants us to be happy and to feel that joy that He alone can give and all that comes up against us He will take care of.
The psalm even goes on with more encouraging words. If you want, read that Psalm too.

I want to share with you some more about myself. I'm located in New Jersey. I'm 26. I've been married for 3 1/2 years. I have two beautiful children 3 years and 10 months.

My husband and I met both in pursuit of dreams for music. He had an add out looking for a band to write and play with. He plays guitar. I answered the add. We began writing and performing our original music locally. It was awesome! I sing and love singing.

I met him as a Christian. He was not and was very attracted to the relationship I had with God. He started going to Bible Study with me and soon gave his life to Christ. I made the mistake of depending too much on my friendship with him and slowly leaving God out more and MORE. I was expecting him to fulfill the deep pits of my heart/soul that I should have been depending on God to fill. I've always been mistaken with what I thought friendship and or marriage was suppose to be. Everything I expected was what my relationship with God was suppose to be not with any human. I still have hurdles to jump with this subject.

We entered into a relationship soon after we met. We dated for around three years I think. After the band split up, we stayed together but that's when problems in our relationship began. We began sinning sexually. We began fighting regularly. I couldn't find my place in life again. I was so used to the life of a singer with him. I know that I depended on him too much and couldn't break myself from it. And that's not the only thing that we fought about. But it all revolves around that I think. I was so silly.

Well, because of the sex, I got pregnant. We got married right away! Our marriage seemed great. He really is the best friend I've ever had. We have a great time together.

But now I want to become the woman that doesn't need to live with a man backing me up. I used to be so independent! I realize now where I turned down the wrong path. I became to meshed with my boyfriend that I lost myself in him instead of God and all that He had planned for me. And that was dangerous because I couldn't think for myself anymore. I needed a man to answer me instead of myself and God speaking through me.

Oh, I just suffocated my boyfriend/my husband.

I do know looking into the past that I have tried working this all out with God. I have always known some of all this truth and have always tried to depend on God to mold me and make me a better wife for my husband. It's just been a slow learning process to get to the final truth of what I was actually doing to myself and to my husband. But, maybe my heart was hard. I made the process slower than it was suppose to be. My husband always was so patient with me. He just finally lost all desire to try I guess.

I wasn't giving him what he needed in a wife. His love bank is completely empty. I know that no matter what life handed him, he still chose to leave against God. I just feel so responsible, ya know? I know that him leaving is not my fault completely. I know that there have got to be other things going on with him spiritually. It's so hard!

I shouldn't be focusing on that. It's not helping me grow when I focus on the negative. Like you said, I need to focus on myself right now. I need to continue to walk down the path that God is leading me on. It's my husband's responsibility for his own walk. All this I need to take to God and He will forgive me for the mistakes that I have made.

I was leading a Bible Study before I learned about my second pragnancy. We studied a book written by Elizabeth George- Loving God with all your Mind. That's a book that has taught me about living today and not in the past. It's a hard time to put into practice what I learned in that book. (Have you read that book- it's another GOOD ONE.)

I'm excited to share with you some more about myself, but I have to close now.

Well, I'm going to go. I have a prayer request. Because of all this stress, I have chosen to pick up an old smoking habit. Will you pray with me as try to quit again? I would love to pray for any requests that you have, but in general I will be praying for your daily struggle.
I was under the impression that you were surfing this website as a help not as someone in need. SORRY! I will definately be praying for you.

keep in touch-bv

BV: First thing first...Put those nasty cigarettes down, pick up your walkman and get your body moving! A lifesaver for me has been just this. Plus over the past year I hired a personal trainer 2 days a week for strength training. I look completely different from a year ago and I am also completely different on the inside too! So that w/ Bible study/fellowship is the only answer for me.
We share much of the same insecurities. I also expected H to fulfill all my needs. I totally took my eyes off the Lord in doing this. And I know that because of my insecurities I placed added stress on my H. He just kept backing farther and farther out that door. I was stubborn and thought that if he would only do this first... then I would change and meet his needs. I was so dumb.
One day not too long ago when we were semi communicating I apologized to him for just that. I know I never made it easy for him. But I also told him that I've been cleaning out my closet and refuse to carry all my excess baggage around anymore. So in that sense, I am growing everyday.
I have been married almost 14 years. I have 3 kids 13 11 and 8. I moved in w/ him before marriage, and got pregnant w/ 1st child. It was a busy time in both of our lives. We had planned on getting married someday but he was just entering law school and I had recently started flying for an airline(I was based in Newark and commuted). So we got married and every 18 months I was pregnant again. We had 2 kids while he was in law school. We were fighting an uphill battle from the beginning. We loved each other, but what pressure!
So about 2 and a half years ago he started going down to Cuba. First time on a short mission trip w/ church. His parents and brothers are from Cuba, he was the only one born here. He has extended family that he met for the first time then. Then through some colleagues he started planning a way to organize a humanitarian effort to get medicine and clothing down there. Things started moving rapidly for him and he made many powerful connections. He was able to go down w/ other people on there licenses and make even more connections. He was able to go down on a trip w/ the mayor and met with Fidel Castro.
Things started changing when he started going down there about every 6 weeks or so w/o a clear itinerary. Little weird things started happening, like he would unpack his suitcase and smell the folded clothing and place it back in his drawer. He became obsesssed w/ Cuba. Then I started catching him in lies. He was hiding purchases from me (sexy women's clothing ang bathing suit). I always packed everything and he was hiding stuff in trunk of car. One time when he came back the sex was very different. He started going to a laser place to get the hair from his back lasered off. He started hiding emails. Anyway I have confronted him head on and he denies denies denies. And to add insult to injury, he has gone to Cuba twice since I confronted him 4 months ago. He wants to open a law office down there when the embargo ends. I'm sorry but my head hurts trying to keep up w/ his justifications and reasoning!
Finally after us both going to counseling and trying to hash thing out, I just couldn't take it anymore. The last lie was when his dad told me a girl from Cuba has been trying to get ahold of him calling his dad's house! Even when I confronted him about the latest lie and told him he would have to leave our home, he still went to Cuba!!! He claims it for future business. I really don't know what kind of good he could possibly be to any business associates if he could just casually throw away his wife and kids.
But through this all I am learning. And Dr. Harley's plan a plan b really makes sense. I seriously need to get my house in order. I could in no way be a wife to my H with the same kind of repeated behavior I have practiced for so long. And other people have recognized this in me also. And I am experiencing a deeper respect from my kids as well. Be careful when you ask God for growth, He'll give it to you! Now it's up to me to walk in obedience even if it's painful.
Turn your eyes to the Lord( as I know you are) your H will notice a change in you, even if he doesn't say anything. Both of our H's have lost their respect for us along the way. They couldn't possibly respect us again until we have respect for ourselves.
If you want to email me my address is lajaka3@netscape.com. I will look up the scripture you gave me and also check into the book. Love ya..

Hey old friend, are you still visiting? I have tried to email you, but it was sent back. Who knows! I hope everything is well with you. I don't want to write long. I just wanted to see how you are. I hope to hear from you soon. BV

Oh- my email address is kirkwwjd4u@cs.com. Keep in touch- luv bv

HeyBV.. sorry I haven't been in touch, my hard drive was crashing on the computer and I had to take it in for service. I may still have to send it back in because it's acting funny. Sorry the email didn't work. That was a new one I was trying out. But you can definitely get me at lmisaljkm3@yahoo.com.