i just read alot of different opinions on which is needed when youve forgiven your h and youre trying to get past it, work on your m, but he keeps calling the ow (but denies it until hes caught) then after all the promises he made, reverts back to "i dont know what i want". i couldnt take it and asked him to leave, he of course is living with her now for a week. shes on her 5th divorce ,he thinks he loves her. weve been married 19 yrs with 4 children ,how can she have that much pull on him? did i do the right thing? what should i do? another question...can someone explain the concept of the "fog" to me ,please

Your WH (wayward husband) is definatly in the fog.

Think of him as an alien. Nothing he says will make sense... Nothing he hears will make any sense to him...

Now, throw drug addiction into that.. He wants OW (other woman). He needs her. If he stays away from her too long, he'll go into withdraw (just like a junkie). Once he gets a quick fix, he'll feel better for a while, but then feel remorseful. This will keep happening until he finally cuts all contact with OM and goes through the withdrawl. He'll suffer, feel bad, sad, depressed, and maybe even suicidal. But once he hits that low, with your love and support, he'll feel better and eventually be over OW. But like a recovered junkie, he'll have to avoid situations that could expose him to OW at all costs after his withdrawl. Stay away from bar's she's at.. If she works with him, a change of jobs would be best. If she's at church, it's time to find a new church. Grocery store? Find another. Every recovered junkie can be tempted back into a life of addiction when presented with the source of original infatuation.

The fog is a combination of all of these. He's addicted, convinced he's in love, and doesn't care who he hurts to get what he wants. It's sad to see, and hurts to watch a loved one go through. The affair has an attraction, excitement, and lure all of it's own. Exposing the affair to the light of day usually will start to burn that fog away. When it looses it's secrecy, it looses a lot of the attraction.

This may not have been the best 'fog' definition.. But it's a pretty hard concept to define.

thanks for your reply, we have no contact and hes living 400 miles away, when his head clears ,will he feel safe to try with me again, even after ive kicked him out?

I can't tell.

My WW moved out a month ago, saying she just wanted 'space' and 'time' to think about things.

5 days after she moved out, she moved in with one of the salesmen where she works. Still living with him. (I never even knew there was an A until she did that). We have very little contact. 1-2 phone calls per week, and never anything relationship-related. Always about work, or insurance papers, or taxes, or something. She is avoiding me, doesn't want to talk about the situation with anyone (not even her family, which has them torn up).

I'm still in Plan A, waiting for some response or ray of hope from my WW.

Regarding Fog questions:
Go above and choose "show topics from last 20 days"
Page 11
See "Fog?" by me, Learnin
I got some great answers on that thread.
Hope it helps.
Hang in there!

To make it a lil easier

Fog?